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not looking forward to next month

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i have so much emotional pain running through me right now, considering that this will be the first time on father’s day he won’t be here i’m just so emotional messed up it’s hard for me to understanding the reality that he’s gone and he’s not coming back i feel like if could have a time machine i would go back way before 2021 never thought it would be the last time i would see my dad alive again. its still big shock to me as to why he passed so unexpectedly only 61 years old and was weeks away from turning 62 on july 7 which is his birthday, he was looking forward to celebrating and enjoying life despite the his health issues all i just want is to have my dad again
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mother day

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every mother’s day my dad would give my mom gifts but this year is gonna be different because of that fact he’s no longer alive emotionally hurts all four of us would go out for brunch, yes i wanna celebrate with my mom but it’s difficult
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whats done is done

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you don’t have to say nothing to me i already know about you and her, i had asked you numerous times and you said she’s just a friend? well if she’s just a friend then why is she calling you at 2:00 am in the morning that’s sound suspicious to me but you wanna sit up here and say baby it’s not what you think it is, oh honey i know exactly what it is. i’ve made my decision to move out thank god prior to finding out about it i went looking a place of my own and got everything set up, not to mention asking me not file for divorce what is there for me to do after finding you’ve been lying to me saying to me you won’t do it again we’ll you did it again once i delivered the papers to you won’t be getting a dime from me
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all they do is cause me pain...

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i’m probably going to get dragged for this, but whatever… i don’t know what is wrong with me. i hate how people are telling me i’m so ugly, retarded, or stupid. most guys in general, the ones who have my heart and are always saying “i never did!” and in a dream told me “for the last time nobody ever did! go fucking kill yourself! nobody cares! nobody likes! nobody wants you!” i just feel so stupid for having feelings and it’s gotten to the point where i’m basically praying to god that whatever it is that cause me to think about them would go away. i don’t want to cry or have feelings. i don’t want to feel pain, but that’s all i feel nowadays. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i try to talk to people about it, but nobody wants to listen. they would just make fun of me and make me feel like shit that i cry myself to sleep. i doubt anyone could really help me, but i’m just tired of all the abuse i’ve been dealing with, mostly, from rejection in its heartbreaking form to just sadness and pain. i just can’t take another heartbreak. please help if you can...i need all the help i can get! :)
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not the right way

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you teaching your son to be a man by allowing him to use weapons instead of making him use his hands to fight in defending himself
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punched my mom’s boyfriend

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i don’t know whether i said feel guilty about this me and my moms boyfriend got into heat argument over something stupid where it got to the point where he laid his hands on me which of course i got extremely heated as a result i punched him twice and my sisters had to get me away from him and ended getting a phone call from my mom asking why did you punch my boyfriend do you it was right of what did and said to her yes it was right of what i did, im not gonna put up with abuse from a man who feels they can hurt somebody because they can when they don’t have the right too
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need help

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i already tried to take help from a professional but it didn't help me. i'm constantly thinking about things make me feel worse and im not able to stop this. there's nothing left to do. i dont know what should i do. i dont have anyone to talk to. im afraid im going to do something bad.
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telling who what they should eat and shouldn’t

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me and sisters went to eat the buffet with my dad and stepmom and once we got there and already my stepmom is telling one of my sisters to get a salad and i’m like why you telling one my sisters she needs to eat a salad who are you to even say that she can whatever she wants. once i said that my stepmom try to go at it with which i wasn’t standing for it
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new here

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hello, my name is skylar i have learning disabilities: adhd, ocd, auditory processing disorder, oral expression disorder, severe anxitey, and depression. i feel sorry, anxious, depressed because i feel like people think i am annoying, crazy, weird, etc. it feels like nobody likes me or wants to be my friend. it feels like barely even anyone wants to be my friend. it feels like barely even anyone wants to text with me/hangout with me. it feels like i am invisible like some people dont even notice me. it makes me feel sad and lonely because it feels like nobody wants to be my friend.
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mood

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someone is in their feelings while they attend yet another bridal event with theres nowhere in sight …
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i just tried to pass as a guy to feel better

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i was gettin kinda down and just tried to cheer myself by trying to look more masculine and took some pics and i showed them to 2 friends that made me feel better in way by saying i looked good as a guy .... they know im like this but also dont ? i felt happy for a moment but i cant avoid but feeling kinda confused whether im a trans guy in denial or non binary cuz well its not like i experience much dysphoria anyway.... for some years i started feeling like something's off bout my gender and held onto the label non binary but i never came out for real...idk what i should do ik i would like to look like a guy and perhaps pass as one but im afraid to come out about this to anyone ... which makes not want to be too close to people afraid they wont accept me for my messy me cuz yea guess im a confused,depressed mess .... and imma stop rambling here thanks for reading this anyway
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right or wrong

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why only ugly girls get cheated on and pretty girls don’t does that excuse them ?
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im a straight guy but i slept with my guy best friend…

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me and jackson (my best friend) have been friends since 1st grade and now we're about to graduate high school, if you compare him to me he is more masculine than me and i'm act softer and more sensitive. but last week i was at his house while his parents were away since it was a weekend. we were playing video games like we usually would but when i walked in the door he looked at me weird. not in a bad way like in a really good way, but like i was saying, we were playing video games and i was kinda bored so i scrolled through my phone on his bed. but i went to walk downstairs to grab a drink and he grabbed my hand. before i could even look back he was already kissing me. and then we made out. he said he had wanted to do that since we met. anyway he threw me on the bed and then we had sex. last night he said he really enjoyed it and he asked if we could hang out more. i'm straight but i liked it and i want to do it again with him. i think it was his size because it was bigger than what i thought it would be but and how it felt inside me but i think i like him.. and just last night i had a dream of me as an adult and i walked in the kitchen and i had a husband and it was him and we had kids. i don't know what to do pls help.
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having a weak stomach ruins my life

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i don't know where to start so... i might as well describe how i feel today. i need to get this out of my head. i'm really not feeling well today. as always i could that it's because of stomach problems, not to say digestion problems. for the first time in months i just started drinking coffee again. i am intolerant to gluten and probably to some other grains than wheat (i know it sounds annecdotal, but i live with this concern on a daily basis, and my situation being particular - i can't ingest bread without choking to death in my sleep... i haven't had an official diagnosis. and that makes me feel like crap every time i have to explain this problem to others. i don't feel legitimate. even though the feeling in my throat is real) anyway, i thought that paying attention to these few foods was enough. but no, coffee seems to make it worse i couldn't stop shaking this afternoon. i was with my other half and we saw some of their friends but i was nauseous at the time. i had to move to a side room, having a hard time stopping shaking. eventually it went away. then i heard them talking about things that worried me and i think i lost my temper at that point... and came back to my own home. tense and nervous. to be forced to hear the things that are going on around you so passively.... i hate this situation... i'll probably still be struggling with my partner again now, because of my disapearance from that evening too. but everyone wa so loud and agressive too... i don't know what i can do when i feel so tired that i can't articulate a "please change topics, talk more softly" from the other room. i'm so tired of being like this. and this isn't the first time it happens... i want to vanish until everything is solved. i want to be able to eat like everyone again. or ar least, i want to know what hurted me this time... i also want to find a real doctor who cares too. sorry for that long an almost chaotic rant.
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i want to be pretty so badly

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im sorry i know an issue like this seems so generic. but i really want to get this off my chest. i can't take it anymore. i just want to be heard. growing up being a girl, there is an overwhelming pressure to be beautiful, and for the longest time ever i've known that i have never fulfilled that requirement. its not that i look at myself and conclude that im ugly. i will actually say that i consider myself average, not ugly neither gorgeous. just plain looking. but from the way people have always treated me, you would think im hideous. and it confuses and hurts me to a point where i think i really am hideous. if you have ever seen a post describing how ugly people live in an entirely different world than attractive people, its 100% true and not an exaggeration. the way i look physically has affected me in every aspect of my life so far. throughout highschool i was bullied for being skinny and for having disgusting skin because of acne. in college it wasnt that people picked on me, but rather they comepletely ignored me whenever i tried talking to anyone. any attempt to make friends fell flat and i was never acknowledge by anyone.i used to think it was because i gave off a weird aura because im generally a shy and quiet person but i noticed that other girls who were similar in that regard were always approached by people and they were always pretty. even with my family i tend to get the same treatment. my own parents, aunties and uncles and cousins have always berated me for the way i look. that i should put make up on and dress properly like a girl. i'm not treated the same way as my other girl cousins who are pretty and skilled applying makeup and doing their hair. in family wedding recordings, i've been cut out twice in two different videos while my siblings and the rest of family were kept in. photos too where i noticed i should have been in it but i wasnt. even my relatives noticed and pointed it out. those are the worst memories i have. right now im applying for an entry level job to be a receptionist and one of the requirements was to look atleast pleasant and it just made me have a meltdown. these experiences shatter my confidence in anything i want to try doing. there is a constant fear i wont be good enough. i feel like i'll never make any proper connections in regards to dating or just making friends. people always say its about the attitude you give off to people, not just the way you look. but how can i afford to be confident or happy if i feel shunned almost all the time? i have no idea how to apply make up. ive never felt its suits me. i dont how to find the right fashion style of myself. there are days where i spiral in my thoughts where nothing will work because im too ugly for anything. and then i think the only way out of it is cosmetic surgery. sometimes i'd go on subreddits that are glowup related and i see the transformation of other posters and its give me alot of hope. but i just feel i can't get there. i really wish i had people in my life to guide me. i dont know what to do and i cant bring myself to look at myself anymore it hurts me alot. i dont want the rest of my life to be like this.
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what happened here?

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i can't figure out what happened to this site. it used to be so active. all of a sudden, people stopped talking. i really enjoyed it when i was helping people regularly. i miss that.
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diffcult in coming to terms with being 31

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i just turned 31 yesterday i didn’t feel happy about it for some reason when my birthday comes i’m feeling emotional i should be happy being in my thirties is difficult to face
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a little bit of relief

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i know this sounds tough to say but i’m kinda of relive that my birthday is over even though i made it through the day and i’m glad to see another day but it still feels a sense of emotional sadness
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help

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somehow i've managed to turn every interest of mine into something destructive, something that would harm my body at the cost of a few drops of dopamine, and no i'm not talking about illegal stuff, i'm talking about things as simple as making music. i feel like i ruin good things for myself because i'm not used to having them but my body has grown tired of constant self-destruction.
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my friend called me a golden retriever

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my friend called me a golden retriever, what does that even mean? she said it quickly and at first i didn't hear her so she said forget it but i realized what she said later on.

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