tags: pda, covid-19 mention, text-heavy, talking about time/dates; ask to tag
i feel like i'm being sensitive, though, i struggle a lot with abandonment issues & bpd, so i just wanted to talk this out in a safe, non-judgmental space,
i feel like i double-text too much & one of my best friends doesn't feel like spending as much time with me as much as i'd like to with her,
one of them, i messaged her on march 26th, saying goodnight after playing a video game together,
then texted on march 28th, to thank her for a gift she mailed me & then texted again on april 8th to check in,
then i finally heard from her on april 11th & i replied back to her,
after that, i double-texted & wished her a happy birthday on the 19th,
i sent her two birthday gifts that were delivered earlier this week following the 19th, as well as one in a game,
i haven't heard from her in almost two weeks now & i also tagged her in a post that reminded me of her, yesterday, the 24th,
i see she's still very active on other social media, though, not responding to my messages & i feel so sad about that...
especially since we were hoping to finally meet up & i had to cancel my plans to visit in march due to covid & work,
& she was so excited as we met in 2015 & finally was going to see each other & i was so heartbroken to tell her we had to cancel,,
now, i'm afraid she doesn't really care much about me & i'm overinvested, especially when i see her talking with others & not me...
i've reached out to her after periods of time we lost touch in the past, we recently reconnected again last year,
though i feel like i may be over-initiating to talk to her, i just really miss her, even though we've only met online, she's still special & important to me & she's one of the few people i have as a friend in my life,
regardless, even if she may not be as reciprocating, i want her to know that i care about her a lot,
& i don't know how she sees me or if i am even her best friend in her eyes, i feel so hurt seeing how much effort i put in & keep trying to put myself in & feeling like she's just drifting away,
thank you very much & kindly for your time & anyone who reads this, i'm very appreciative & i just wanted to share this without anyone in my friend group knowing & anonymously in a judgment-free, safe space . . .