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it's my birthday today...

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...but i dont have anyone to spend it with. i don't think any of my friends or family remembered.
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asking a question it gets deleted why?

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i had asked a question about what's the difference between display and print advertising and how much do they make it wasn’t inappropriate or anyway?
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should i keep talking to this guy

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ive been talking to this one guy for a couple of months and he makes me feel better mental health wise and stuff like that. we end up talking late in the night tho and my parents found out and don't want me talking to a guy because they think i'm getting distracted. i don't think i am though? i've always been getting good grades and i just think talking relieves stress? we have been talking everyday now so it feels kind of weird if i just stop all of a sudden especially since it just makes me feel better. it felt nice just having someone to lean on and talk problems out with. do i just stop to avoid conflict with my parents and learn how to be alone again?
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my dad’s mistress wanted to talk with me

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its a bit strange that a woman who my dad had an affair with wanted to have a chat with me, my first impression is what for ? theres nothing you can say to me that will make me wanna hear what you gotta say, i mean you didn’t seem to care when had the audacity to call the house to say im messing around with your husband to my mom and on top of that you call yourself so called trying to be nice picking me up from school when i don't even know you to begin with you probably feel guilty or probably not knowing you
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getting over it

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normally, i wouldn’t post, but i’ve been having major problems. i don’t know what happen, but i’ve been thinking about someone a lot lately and i hate it. the person made it clear numerous times they didn’t want anything to do with me and my feelings weren’t reciprocated. i've tried numerous times to forget they ever existed, but small things would trigger me to think about them and i fall back… sometimes even crying myself to sleep because it’s pretty depressing. i don’t know how to let go of the only love i’ve ever truly known. please help me move on. i need all the help i can get.
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i just want someone to listen

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i'm a very jealous person and have had many problems with my current girlfriend involving her ex-boyfriend, who has been almost a third party in our relationship up until about 1.5 months ago. last night i went on her phone while she was sleeping because i was paranoid and afraid (we've been fighting a lot the past week) and found a couple pictures she took when she slept with her ex-boyfriend last. we were not together at the time, we separated for two months with no plans to speak again. she claimed that he took advantage of her (basically sexually assaulted her when she was vulnerable) at that time but the fact she took such intimate pictures makes me question what really happened, if she lied to me. a part of me knows how it doesn't really matter what happened outside of our relationship, but i want her to be honest with me and i get concerned that she kept in contact and even invited such a harmful and manipulative person back into her own home just because she was in pain from something. she is very impulsive and i'm afraid she cannot keep the promises in our relationship and this continues to fly around my head, bothering me so intensely. i just want to tell it to someone, that it hurts it's like this. her ex-boyfriend has been such an intrusive force in our time together and has continually taken advantage of her and she had never really handled it properly until when we most recently got back together, where i had to tell her how to make sure this man would not intrude on our lives anymore. but seeing these images and seeing some fragments of what their time together was like when we weren't together, which involved some time she spent with him visiting her family with him somewhat involved despite speaking to me at the time (on terms outside of a romantic relationship) which i found a couple somewhat intimate photos of them together, despite her telling me they were not together at that time. i feel like i cannot trust her at all because her perception of these things is so fragmented and inconsiderate of my and our mutual experience, her basically absolving herself of the responsibility she did not take with our relationship. i feel like i cannot trust her at all as she seems to tell me only partial truths or what i want to hear and denying anything else to protect herself. i'm afraid of being hurt, of being lied to, whether she does it intentionally or not, of having been wrong, of being responsible for hurting myself by not listening to my feelings and intuition. i get this feeling often that i don't belong here, that i should leave the relationship and that i'm not happy at all, in fact quite depressed. but we really have a close connection and really understand each other in a way that i'm afraid to lose. i'm afraid of being alone again, i've been alone so long. but i'm letting myself get hurt over and over again, even doing it to myself at times it seems. it would be really nice to hear your thoughts and suggestions and i would like to talk about it further if someone would be willing, thank you
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making friends

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so i'm a younger middle aged guy who was forced to stop working by illness. i have to go to treatments very often just to stay alive and i moved back to my hometown to get support from family. most people in my position are senior citizens so i find it very hard to make friends closer to my age that can understand what i'm going through. i've tried looking for support groups and going to church but it doesn't help. other than my wife and close family i feel like i have no one i can talk to anymore. what should i do?
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being truthful about what i do

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“i am an extremely sexual woman and do not confuse feelings with sex. when i am having sex with my partner i feel love, i feel passion. here it is more about the sex part, the animal part. i enjoy this, but i am not mixing this up with having feelings.”
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huge misunderstanding

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so my friend was talking abt how he has his senior yearbook quote chosen already and back in freshman year he wrote it so his older self could use it, so it’s just been in his notes for three years. and i’m carrying to compliment him by saying smt similar to the word inheritance but it came out as “wow that’s really ignorant” and i’m like wtf shit shit fuck and the girl next to me who probs already hates me cuz i fought w/her this week on a project and she called me annoying gave me this look and i’m trying to apologize to him for saying ignorance when i meant to say inheritance cuz like senior him is sort of inheriting the will of him in freshmen year 3 years ago and you know, freshmen year him wished for this to be his quote so senior him is filling it for him you know? inheritance? but it came out as ignorance and i just fucking hate myself for this cuz it’s like i shit on his quote and freshman year him ugh and like it’s already last the point, i apologized to him and was like “i’m sorry, if didn’t mean to say ignorance i meant to say inheritance” but they didn’t understand that either cuz who tf would say inheritance hnkess k explained what i meant and we had an assignment to do and the topic just moved on so i can’t even bring it up to set things straight but like i already apologized? yea i don’t say sorry often and he warranted it but like to not be able to set things straight? pissed me off and insta regret forever a introvert problem right here :/ so yea any advice?
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not gonna do it

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my ex husband wants me to sign a confidentially agreement which i’m not doing, i don’t see the reason why i should sign an agreement on something that i will discuss on what happened in the marriage not gonna to shut me up about it when i’m only defending myself
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i'm spiraling and i dont know how to help myself

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ive struggles with eating disorders for years now abs have been in and out of treatment centers. ive been out for about 2 years now. however, im not doing better. ive been engaging bulimia behaviors and restricive behaviorsans i cant pull myself out. just yesterday i didnt engage in any of those behsviors and ive felt guilty avoyt it ecer since. idint know how to pull mysrlf out. i have a therapust but i feel that shell be dissapointed to find out what ive been doing. so im asking for or guidence or some sort of advice.
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i’m alive, it’s been awhile guys

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hey, it’s been about 2-3 years since i’ve been on here. i’m alive. thank you to “delightful scarlet jellyfish” and “little silver” for being there for those few posts i had back in 2019 and anyone else. it was nice rereading them and thinking back to how, objectively, i was right to seek help online. so i did end up telling my doctor later that year after my last posts, and it didn’t end up too well. doctor obviously said i was slightly depressed but also said it’s “normal in this pandemic” so they told my dad, and that’s where it went downhill. so my dad got informed and was given a recommendation from doc to enroll me in mental health counseling, but if any of you can scroll back 3 years of posts and reread them, you’ll know that my parents don’t really care or acknowledge mental health. traditional ways and everything. to them, it’s imaginary, and all they need to do is take away my phone and it’ll fix itself. the moment we left the doctors place, he mocked me, the idea of mental health, and said i have nothing. next month after this he tells me “i’ve been monitoring you for a month and i see nothing wrong with you. you’re just crazy”. so yea, mental health isn’t always visible, but it certainly wouldn’t be visible to the ones (plural) who caused it. ski a year later back to the annual check up doc gives my dad the diagnosis that i’m now a “normal kid”, so my dad says to me (mocking btw) “c-c-c-con-gra-tu-la-tions. you normal. good job” so yea that was last year me. this year me has grown a little more confident. a little more like i’m okay in my own skin. ive gotten out of my one year relationship because it wasn’t working out and i feel better, a little bit of regret for not being the best partner, obviously i was reeling back from the effects of my trust being broken and my respect being shattered, so as those effects migrated to the relationship i tended to not talk as much or hug or touch as much and that caused a falling out, but we decided to stay mutual friends so i’m quite happy for that. still an insomniac though and not really looking for a long term relationship, just flirting and maybe some new friends, but im positive that i’ve gained proper character development and what would’ve hurt me like a knife before will only be a scratch now. of course with this development brings consequences. so yea my silent recovery, or recovery in silence, which was essentially me drawing away from relationships caused many of my friends to just not include me in their group anymore, so i don’t really talk with people much these days. if we used to be best friends and buddies, we’re just friends or school mates who do hw together. if we were good friends before, we’re now acquaintances. obviously time away from each other would do that but hey, ‘twas a necessary sacrifice for thou mental stability, and i won’t ever regret it. if i did, it’d be a shame to those who’ve helped me and the effort i put in to keeping myself together. well, it was great catching up with people again, even if i was only on for a month 3 years ago. might make a weekly visit to this site now that i’m more in a position to help and be helped. sound silky rose signing off.
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i need help-

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so when i try to vent it just keeps loading and when i try to listen it loads non stop too. it isnt my wifi so can somebody help me?- (im new so idk how to use this sight sorry)
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tough to understand but have to forgive

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even though we made peace in patching things up you're asking me to forgive you for all the things you've done in the past to me okay fine i forgive you but i will say this i haven't forgotten it
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"one persons talking"

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one person has been talking for months. they must be exhausted.
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should i pursue it?

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the worst part, i think, about falling in love is that you don’t know that you are in love when it happens. at least, not the first time around. you go about your daily life doing things like they are chores. it seems abysmal, however, i don’t think you ever realize how monotonous life truly is without experiencing the color that comes with love. it’s like that movie...what’s it called? the giver, i think. the way the world around him brightened when he truly...truly experienced life, i wanted that. i want that. because now, all i can do is think about him. whatever i am doing or wherever i am going about my daily life, i think about him. and that’s scary. scary to think that i might be the only one feeling this way and that my feelings are unreciprocated. even despite this, i can’t seem to let go of this euphoria of a feeling, knowing what love feels like. i can’t, for the life of me, seem to let this feeling go. and even if i am chasing a hopeless fate, i am glad i got to experience, even if just for a moment, what my life in color feels like. i don’t know if this is what love feels like. this is simply an interpretation, a justification of me trying to make sense of how i am feeling right now. i don’t know whether i should pursue this or just enjoy the moment. i like where we are right now, in our little bubble.
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didnt expect this to happen

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today wasn’t something i had expect to come my boss called me into her office letting me know it was my last day and i’m like okay did i do something wrong she was like no you did nothing wrong. the position title i had at my job was medical records file clerk, one of the employees who they throught wasn’t coming back did come back which i didn’t know anything about and because she was going to medical school because of it, i just felt like my boss should’ve said to me this will be a temp job and it would’ve been fine with me but the i was laid off wasn’t something i didn’t expect
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way out of line

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i was definitely irritated because out of nowhere one of co-worker’s asks me about my age, and i got so worked annoyed and wondering why are you asking me about my age, a part of me wants to brush it off but then another part of me wants to have a private chat with the office manager about it. i’m like this is a place of business certain things you don’t bring up in public like that, my job is driving me over the edge of wanting to resign which i might end up doing if this continues one thing is for sure i don't trust certain people at my job despite having to work with them i can’t trust them always saying stuff behind someone’s back
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boy shit

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well, i’m really depressed at the moment because nobody seems to want or like me and every time i like someone they would reject me and people have made it loud and clear they want nothing to do with me, but i keep replaying old conversations and events wishing the outcome was different. i know i can’t change the past. it’s just hard coming to terms with everything. i want to put it all behind me, but it’s just so hard. i just hate being rejected …one by one...one after another… telling me they never wanted or liked me or ever will have any feelings towards me or worst telling me to go fucking kill myself since nobody wants or likes me....who do i like now so there wouldn’t be any drama since i honest to god i don’t want any madness or chaos and how do i move on from the past and put it all behind me? how do i suppressed feelings and thoughts until they become nothingness? how come nobody wants or likes me? why did god make me so ugly and unlovable that nobody would want or like me? how come nobody cares or would even bother to help me...i'm in tears.
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emotional grief

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under the dog star sail over the reefs of moonshine under the skies of fall north, north west, the stones of faroe under the arctic fire over the seas of silence hauling on frozen ropes for all my days remaining but would north be true? all colors bleed to red asleep on the ocean's bed drifting on empty seas for all my days remaining but would north be true? why should i? why should i cry for you? dark angels follow me over a godless sea mountains of endless falling, for all my days remaining, what would be true? sometimes i see your face, the stars seem to lose their place why must i think of you? why must i? why should i? why should i cry for you? why would you want me to? and what would it mean to say, that, 'i loved you in my fashion'? what would be true? why should i? why should i cry for you? feeling pain of what it feels like to lose a dad

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