hey, it’s been about 2-3 years since i’ve been on here. i’m alive.
thank you to “delightful scarlet jellyfish” and “little silver” for being there for those few posts i had back in 2019 and anyone else. it was nice rereading them and thinking back to how, objectively, i was right to seek help online.
so i did end up telling my doctor later that year after my last posts, and it didn’t end up too well. doctor obviously said i was slightly depressed but also said it’s “normal in this pandemic” so they told my dad, and that’s where it went downhill.
so my dad got informed and was given a recommendation from doc to enroll me in mental health counseling, but if any of you can scroll back 3 years of posts and reread them, you’ll know that my parents don’t really care or acknowledge mental health. traditional ways and everything. to them, it’s imaginary, and all they need to do is take away my phone and it’ll fix itself.
the moment we left the doctors place, he mocked me, the idea of mental health, and said i have nothing.
next month after this he tells me “i’ve been monitoring you for a month and i see nothing wrong with you. you’re just crazy”. so yea, mental health isn’t always visible, but it certainly wouldn’t be visible to the ones (plural) who caused it.
ski a year later back to the annual check up doc gives my dad the diagnosis that i’m now a “normal kid”, so my dad says to me (mocking btw) “c-c-c-con-gra-tu-la-tions. you normal. good job”
so yea that was last year me. this year me has grown a little more confident. a little more like i’m okay in my own skin. ive gotten out of my one year relationship because it wasn’t working out and i feel better, a little bit of regret for not being the best partner, obviously i was reeling back from the effects of my trust being broken and my respect being shattered, so as those effects migrated to the relationship i tended to not talk as much or hug or touch as much and that caused a falling out, but we decided to stay mutual friends so i’m quite happy for that.
still an insomniac though and not really looking for a long term relationship, just flirting and maybe some new friends, but im positive that i’ve gained proper character development and what would’ve hurt me like a knife before will only be a scratch now.
of course with this development brings consequences. so yea my silent recovery, or recovery in silence, which was essentially me drawing away from relationships caused many of my friends to just not include me in their group anymore, so i don’t really talk with people much these days. if we used to be best friends and buddies, we’re just friends or school mates who do hw together. if we were good friends before, we’re now acquaintances. obviously time away from each other would do that but hey, ‘twas a necessary sacrifice for thou mental stability, and i won’t ever regret it. if i did, it’d be a shame to those who’ve helped me and the effort i put in to keeping myself together.
well, it was great catching up with people again, even if i was only on for a month 3 years ago. might make a weekly visit to this site now that i’m more in a position to help and be helped.
sound silky rose signing off.