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i have suffered with major depression for nearly 30 years with suicidal ideations on and off for a lot of that time. but while i had ideations, i never really truely wanted to die. i had some news not long ago that hit me hard relating to my past and for the first time i felt i actually wanted to end my life, but that feeling scared me enough that i didnt. the feeling eased after a few weeks but i am still having flashes of emotion where i very genuinely want to follow through. i know how bad this is and that i need help, but i’m so ashamed. im so embarrassed. i don’t want to admit to anyone how i’m feeling which i’d have to do in order to get help. here is different because no one knows who i am. i don’t know how to get past this. i almost wish my family were gone so i could just do it and get it over with. god this sucks.

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i’m turning 30 on tuesday and i’m trying come to terms with i should be excited for my birthday but i’m not really i never thought it would come so quickly it’s like whoa that came too fast i get that we have to mature but i just wasn’t expecting that to happen i need advice somebody give me some positivity thank you

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i'm not really sure how this works or what to do, i honestly just kind of found this and i don't really know what to do or what i'm allowed to or not allowed to do. that sounds very long and confusing, sorry. i just don't really know

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hi there, i hope today's sweet to you, <3 to make this short & be concise, i haven't heard my best online friend in 6+ months & since then, i've tried to interact with him kindly, i've sent around a message a week, made sure to wish him a happy birthday & happy holidays, i also sent him a christmas gift i made via photo & one in the mail, i miss him a lot & i don't wanna overwhelm him, yet i want to show i care, i just hope we're still friends, especially as were planning & saving up for the longest to visit each other's countries... thank you kindly to anyone who reads this, i wish you a sweet day, <3

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having spoken to at least 127 people, i'm wondering what happened to make mellow talk so slow for the last few months. if anyone happens to see this post, i am wishing you a very happy holiday, and a new year of health and happiness. hang in there, people. things will get better. stay safe. daffodil

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found something out a few days ago, and i just need to tell someone. i don’t really have any friends these days and it’s not something i can tell my family. i found out a few days ago that a dance teacher i had who molested me when i was 13 (now 36) was murdered on the other side of the world. i never told anyone at the time. it wasn’t until he showed up at my school assembly to do a demonstration that i had a complete meltdown and ran from the school hall that i first told a couple of friends what had happened. 4 years later i was working at a starbucks when i see him walk in the door. again i freaked out and ran out the back and hid under my bosses desk scratching the back of my neck till it bled. i had to tell my boss why i was having a full blown meltdown, but he was good and let me stay there until he left the store. i haven’t seen the abuser since and i haven’t told anyone else about him since then either. finding out he was murdered was a shock. i still don’t know how i feel. for years i fantasised about what i would do to him if i could, how i would hurt him. apparently he was violently beaten to death. and know i don’t know how i feel. reading the story was almost like seeing him again. fear and anxiety. then anger. i always thought him being dead would make me happy, but i don’t know how i feel. i wish i had someone to talk this through with in person, but i’m so grateful this is here so i can at least get this off my chest. thank you to anyone who listens.

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hi there, i hope today's kind to you ! ♡ & basically, this is about social media/socialization struggles...! as a neurodivergent person, i have difficulties communicating to others, and tend to have more ease using text-based applications, however, i've tried many, many different kinds, which is still an endeavor to make & keep friends, yet i feel discontent using different social media, as if none of them really make me happy, or i feel close to users, even my online best friend, or kind mutuals, or if i blacklist & block anyone who's unsafe & make it clear what i want...! i've tried more than i could word from a kid as a college student now & even lgbt+ & poc spaces & as an african-american member of the community myself...! ( if anyone is curious: amino apps, aspieology, black planet, blahtherapy, bumble, clubs at my college, chatous, discord & discord servers, facebook (messenger), friendr, furaffinity, furvilla, hello poetry, her, instagram, kik, lex, meetapotato, meetme, meetup, newgrounds, omegle, patook, peach, penpalworld, qq, quotev, reddit, skype, snapchat, spectrum singles, speedrun, starfox-online, steam, taimi, trevorspace, twitch, vent, vrchat, we3, whisper, zoe, 7cups & 8tracks & others i've probably forgotten..! ) i guess, what i'm trying to say is, how do you find & maintain a friendship or profile on a site & just feel comfortable & happy with it & or make good friends/a lasting connection whether online or in-person ? i seem to be lacking a connection & i'm unsure how to articulate this feeling, and i have been working on this for ages with my current therapist... though, thank you for your time, i appreciate it !!

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for some reason when i fall asleep those images of this guy i have a crush on always seems to pop up in my sleep, i see him so many times in person it’s like a lusting desire of wanting to have sex with him

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one thing i that myself tend to do is rush into something that i feel could be a choice recently yesterday i just gave my number to this man i really like in regards of having a crush on him for whom i’ve known him for quite some time. i definitely didn’t wanna rush into it because with that can create a set of issues since i gave my number i just feel like i need to still take it slow i wanna be in a relationship in but need to be cautious in making sure it doesn’t go too far

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it's great what everyone does to impact on someone's life. let me explain my case and maybe i can get help or ideas from you lovely people. i graduated from college in the onset of the covid pandemic. i searched for employment or freelance work but never found.. i developed some tendency to gamble on football matches, it was good at first and it gave me a coin or two. but now it ended up finishing my saving, which i left college with... at the moment i think everyone sees me as a failure,, a loser who attained great grades but is poor and seems hopeless...ways of making my steps forward would be great..or maybe ways of getting a coin in my pocket without thinking of gambling

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why is it that when a boy insults a girl by calling her names how is that his way of liking her when he’s being rude to her

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hey guys! i've known it for some time, but it never bothered me that much. the thing is, it feels really lonely. sex is such an important part of our society, it makes me feel like an outsider. i really don't have much to ask, i have pretty much figured it out by now, but i'd like to know if someone has some insight about this or maybe something they wanna share. hope y'all are doing great, btw!

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i've been in a relationship with someone for three years now and very few people know about it because i know they wont be accepting now, but i'm not even sure if i'm really in love with the person i am with... he considers me his world (he's seeing a future with me) so i don't leave him but then he was my best friend from school before we dated and i was in love with another guy. and that guy might probably never come back because he's in love with another woman i'm not sure what i'm doing...

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you made the choice to be in a relationship with that person difficult part about that is you have to live with especially if you got kids with them but if not you’re free to walk away

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hey there everyone! hope you all are doing great!... firstly would like to take a moment to thank all the listeners here for doing such a great work. everyone who has been here with the very kind intention to help out the people deserve a word of appreciation. and for those who might be going through some tough times, just wanna say you one thing.... just hold on to yourself! i know you might be facing some situation, you might be upset, u might be feeling lonely but don't give up on yourself. there are times when we all have to face the different challenges... and what's more serious and important varies from person to person. the listeners here are wonderful people who wish for the best for you. they try their best to be there for you in whatever way they can, as a listener, advisor, a friend, and many other roles. this is what this place is about, you can share your heart out, sometimes that's enough to enough to feel relaxed and feel good. any change that can come to you is only possible if you believe in yourself. if don't just give up and think that nothing can be done. yes, things may take time but it's important to do your part, and be mentally strong enough to face your situations. also, just wanted to remind you that there are people who may really need us, emotional, or in whatever way... if you feel like someone needs help and if you can, do reach out to them, extend your help in whatever way it's possible for you. whether it's this place or any other place you know. your small act of kinds can bring a big change! greetings to you all!✨

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just throwing the question out there, im female and i have had anxiety for 10 years and its been ups and downs. i have worked through my degree to become a mental health worker and it has been really hard even during my studies. now im there working full time in this area of work , i find myself struggling with feeling strong sometimes. i dont want to go to work feeling overwhelmed by the stress of too many tasks and it can be most difficult when i feel the anxiety/panic kicking in when i am faced with an unfamiliar patient who is challenging - even aggressive (they are unwell so its part of the presentation) my question is : what ways has anyone found that helps to strengthen their 'nerves' i was doing womens football in the summer in the park and i found that to have helped when i was faced with emergency situations at work ; and i found that the football seemed to have trained me to be abe to focus well with adrenaline in m system. however , on a daily basis , now that i am more than 2 months deep into the work .. i work long hours and sometimes i feel like caving in . this is not great as i need to show other staff in the team , especially support workers and other nurse colleagues that i have the mental poise and calmness to deal with situations. i am finding this really hard and would like to overcome it so that i can be better in my role to help others recover (it does feel silly that i struggle with mental health (anxiety) and i put myself in an occupation which is known to be stressful and deals with people who are more unwell than myself) . it is the best that i have managed so far in my life and i am proud that i am working .. i just dont want to become overwhelmed... and i dont believe in a sink or swim mentality .. there must be steps and ways that i can learn to change myself to adapt better to my circumstances any help out there? much appreciated

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is it strange for women to be going strip clubs watching ladies dance on the pole along with getting dollars.unless she’s working there to get paid whether it’s on the pole or serving drinks that’s different unless the woman is gay

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is it strange for straight men to be hanging out at gay bars knowing that they have wives and girlfriends at home.

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hey everyone! hope you guys are doing well... here's wishing you all a very happy and prosperous diwali✨ wishes and greetings to you all!

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im a healthy young adult. always been fit and health conscious with proper diet and water intake. by some odd unfortunate luck, i had an anal fissure. i was absolutely shocked to feel the sharp scraping pain followed by steady dripping in the water. i had this feeling of impending doom and felt faint while processing what has happened. i was slightly ashamed to share this with others and resolved to take care of myself for a few days before heading to a doctor. tried increasing my water content, exercising with minimal diet changes (it was already decent), local cream applications but for the next two days its been absolutely painful to have the wound re-open everytime i had a bowel movement. seeing the streaks of blood made me tear up both in pain and dismay. i really wanted to hold back but doing that would just worsen the condition. resolved again to stay strong and go through with the process. today i had a very soft bowel movement and i almost cried in happiness as it didnt disturb the healing wound :') im so happy , i did a happy dance and said so many thank yous out loud. i really wanted to share my story (sorry for the abhorring details whoever had read so far) and share my happiness with someone. im gonna keep up with this and get better!