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2 💡

not sure what to title this

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡4 Constantly Orange Llama

hi. i havent been on here in a really long time which is good i guess. things have gotten a lot better but i almost wish they hadnt. im not sure how to explain it but with life going smoothly it leaves me feeling numb. especially with quarentine going on i feel like i have no purpose. i keep seeing these people on instagram and tik tok living the life that i want to live. looking the way that i want to look. and its infuriating that i know i am physically unable to live my life right now. and its not even because of corona. i have really fucking strict parents and im broke asf so its not like i can just change every aspect of my life so that i can finally be comfortable living life. im just coasting thru the days and i feel nothing. i dont feel hungry, happy, sad, happy or anything. at this point im just existing and hoping that things will finally start to fold out once i turn 17. but in the back of my head i know that they wont and idk it doesnt make me upset im just kind of disappointed? idk i guess the moral of the story is that it makes me literally nauseaus the way im watching my life waste away in front of me but i am completely numb to it. idk it doesnt make sense to me either sorry for wasting ur time if u read this whole thing i guess i just needed to rant or whatever
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remember to give people points on the forum

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 👍7 💡146 Big Boy Ben

just a reminder that if you're logged in and you click the light bulb, you give people insight points!
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you guys are amazing

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

i've been reading through the responses and they are all so positive and take what the original poster says to heart to readily. to the people active on here, thank you for what you do.
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can i vent about a former therapist of mine?

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡1 Wholesome Psychedelic Corn

two years ago, i had a terrible experience with them, which, to this day, still makes me angry at them. i don't want to go into too much detail here, as i would rather elaborate privately.
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both have depression in relationship

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

i find when im depressed i become so withdrawn and ignore my partners needs in the relationship and i have nothing to give whereas he becomes very agitated, arrogant and direspectful and demanding when he is moody. initially i gave a lot in the relationship to please him and make his life better which it did help him get through his dark times. then we became long distance for 3 years, visiting each other sometimes. however my own anxiety/depression has been affecting me again and again . over the last half a year it has been particuarly bad and i feel older and that ill never get a hold of my moods and live well. i dont know how i can be with him and look after my own mental health. i feel too tired for relationships yet i feel alone without it . i dont think he is able to care about my mental health and support me to get better. it feels so alone for me and him . i just dont know how we can both make it as a couple
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anxiety and life incompetence

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

hello, this might be long .. ive had anxiety for almost a decade now and i still feel continually worried and pessimistic about my future and who i am today. i'm 28 with the anxiety , it's become quite a big part of who i am and shaped a lot of my unfulfilling decisions life. a lot of my 'decisions' in reality evade challenges and i withdraw a lot from people and things that may have made me more confident / experience life better , more bravely. i've just completed a mental health nursing degree , which dragged on due to the extensions i had. i idealistically thought this would be a fulfilling and meaningful line of work for me . the reality is i suffered a lot during the course , fell into many ruts and did not develop the qualities and confidence i hoped i could be , to be a useful and positive person in the world . i'm too scared to start working as a mental health nurse and especially because the last 7 months or so i have been out of touch and in a big anxiety hole , withdrawn from life while completing my dissertation. it's finished and i scraped a pass but my mental health and whole identity is shaken over . it has prooved to me that i can't actually look after my own mental health , that i don't have the solutions or know the way to keeping myself well. this has been happening for years .. so ultimately i feel a fake and that i don't have the real qualities required to be a mental health nurse . i don't know what to do. i don't look forward to being stuck in low end , low pay busy work yet on the otherside mental health nursing is notoriously stressful and burnout may be likely for me . i wish i made better choices earlier in my life that looked after me and enabled me to become more resilient and independent . i just didn't know how.. and still don't . i would appreciate any constructive advice and thank you for reading and understanding
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pain attack?

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

so... found a cute inspirational "good luck on your ap exams" gif. copied the link. sent it out to my students thru school texting app. looked at it. realized it was a link to the whole page. yes. it showed the cute gif but the rest of the website had inappropriate ( cuss words and auch) gifs:/ i cant delete it.. so i deleted my acct. freaking out bc i like my job. a lot. hoping my kids don't even look at the app. i'm sure they don't right now.i can just apologize. i know everyone makes mistakes...but i'm still super stressed about it.
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lucky maroon heron

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 👍1 💡1 Interesting Lavender Rose

i got disconnected to this talker a while ago with username lucky maroon heron. in case he reads this, how should he reconnect with me?
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so quiet in here

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

it seems strangely quiet in mellow talk lately. i thought it would be a lot more busy, since so many people are staying home because of the quarantine.
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listeners are here for you

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 🎂 💡4 Light Sturdy Bear

just after a recent conversation, abit of reflection. we understand sometimes it can be a daunting prospect, clicking that talk icon to speak to one of us, we understand sometimes it can be difficult to share those most difficult times in your life. we are here to listen, support, be that shoulder to cry on and that ear to vent into. we understand that sometimes you just need someone to tell you....it okay! well we are here for you, do not be affraid to click that talk button and say hi, we dont expect you to jump atraight into whats wrong or explain the details of your life, we are here for when you are ready, if its just a chat to help you bring a smile to your day we are here, if its to relieve a burden which has been weighing you down for some time we are here. please let us know what ever it is in your own time, we will try our best to help you, allot of us have been through some extremely tough times too or may still be going through them, we will give the time for you when you need it most! never forget we click that listener icon because we have time for you, we are doing this because we want to, if we can bring even the slighest of comfort to you, knowing this, is something to reflect positivly about. this is a safe place, let us help you when you need it most.
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not used to quarantine life

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

man. i used to teach and be super social all the time (at school). my daughter is grown(ish) and i'm a grandmom (superblessed) but i cant go see them. i want her to be able to live her life anyway without me being up her booty. my husband goes out. any friends i used to have, ive lost bc i'm old and life happens. i'm only 45 but i'm super alone/ lonely during the quarantine...i dont feel like i have a purpose. i just eat now and watch tv. advice?
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things can change

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡1 Constantly Blue Apple

upfront i would like to apologise to anyone who's reading this since i might be wasting their time and i'm most likely going to come off as ignorant or dumb in general for writing this but i don't really care at this point. i've learned to not care that much what people think about me lately. i've written onto this site about half a year ago or so and have spoken about some of my mental issues and bad tendencies. at the time i wasn't really sure what was causing them but now i realize i was just trying to stray myself away from the truth out of fear for loneliness. most of my issues came from a toxic environment and the people that were within it that i treated like close friends and family. i blinded myself and pretended that everything was fine despite them clearly taking advantage of my naiveness more than a handful of times and overall just me not agreeing with most of their antics. this i'm guessing made me frustrated in a way and i started taking out my frustrations on people around me without even realizing it was my brain trying to tell me to move from them. i probably wouldn't have even moved from them if it wasn't for them transferring to other sectors of my school and the covid outbreak. it gave me time to think and reflect. i still struggle at times to contain myself over minor things but it's very much better than it was 6 months or so ago. i cannot justify my actions that i've described in my previous post but as one comment said, i can only grow from it. i am sincerely sorry for the people i've hurt and have even come come clean to them about what had been going on with me, some of them forgiving me and some of them not being so accepting, which i can understand. i am sincerely sorry to my pets which still for some reason forgive me despite me being a piece of shit and i am sincerely sorry to the people that tried to give me advice on this site and that i didn't listen despite them having the best outcome for me in their mind. i've accepted my mistakes as a human being and decided to move on, i'm still improving myself day by day and so should everyone else.
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how to cope

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

i wrote a piece about positivity that gained some traction on social media. even some writers i respect commented on it. i posted it quickly, and i had a huge typo. no one pointed it out to me, but i realized it tonight and went back to correct it. i am so embarrassed and now can’t sleep. how do you cope with feeling ashamed and anxious at night especially? thanks!
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i think i’ve given up

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

just to start, i haven’t given up on being alive - i dont want to die (well most of the time anyway, but we all have our moments). i think i’ve come to accept loneliness or at least i think i have given up my battle against it. as a child and through my teens and early/mid twenties, i had lots of friends and a couple of very close friends who i could confide in and depend on. romantic interests were never hard to come by. but then amongst several life altering events starting in my mid-late twenties, all of my friendships seemed to fall apart. one in particular was my best friend who i was living with, who one day decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. she stopped talking to me and would deliberately ignore me. it got nasty. she even rung the landlord and lied about me destroying property to get me evicted. i have spent many many hours trying to reflect on why these have all happened, but have struggled to come up with an answer. the one i mentioned i think was related to her doing drugs. initially when this all started happening, i turned to cutting, but the scars upset me. seeing them reminds me of the emotional pain. so i turned to eating and put on a huge amount of weight. i have not had a romantic partner since i put that weight on, and while i missed the intimacy, i didn’t want anyone to see my body and didn’t think anyone would want to see it anyway. with the life changing events behind me, i wanted to rebuild my life. i had no friends and no romantic partner. i had managed to lose the weight and felt ready for a relationship. but then - no one was or is interested in me. i did try, i really did. maybe i could have done more, but i dont want to look like a desperate loser. no one really knows that i don’t have any friends and i don’t want them to. i’m so embarrassed. and that’s why i think i’ve given up. it’s just easier to be alone. at least without friends in the first place i dont have to worry about the friendship falling apart. and if i give up on the idea of a relationship, i dont have to worry about my body and whether someone would even want to be with me. i would love to become a mother, but i think the donor/ivf route is going to be the best route for me now. its expensive, but it doesn’t depend on someone finding me attractive. i wish socially i could go back 20 years to my teens, but i think it really might just be easier to be alone.
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i feel unimporant to my best friend...

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡8 Quirky Orchid Gazelle

tags: pda, covid-19 mention, text-heavy, talking about time/dates; ask to tag i feel like i'm being sensitive, though, i struggle a lot with abandonment issues & bpd, so i just wanted to talk this out in a safe, non-judgmental space, i feel like i double-text too much & one of my best friends doesn't feel like spending as much time with me as much as i'd like to with her, one of them, i messaged her on march 26th, saying goodnight after playing a video game together, then texted on march 28th, to thank her for a gift she mailed me & then texted again on april 8th to check in, then i finally heard from her on april 11th & i replied back to her, after that, i double-texted & wished her a happy birthday on the 19th, i sent her two birthday gifts that were delivered earlier this week following the 19th, as well as one in a game, i haven't heard from her in almost two weeks now & i also tagged her in a post that reminded me of her, yesterday, the 24th, i see she's still very active on other social media, though, not responding to my messages & i feel so sad about that... especially since we were hoping to finally meet up & i had to cancel my plans to visit in march due to covid & work, & she was so excited as we met in 2015 & finally was going to see each other & i was so heartbroken to tell her we had to cancel,, now, i'm afraid she doesn't really care much about me & i'm overinvested, especially when i see her talking with others & not me... i've reached out to her after periods of time we lost touch in the past, we recently reconnected again last year, though i feel like i may be over-initiating to talk to her, i just really miss her, even though we've only met online, she's still special & important to me & she's one of the few people i have as a friend in my life, regardless, even if she may not be as reciprocating, i want her to know that i care about her a lot, & i don't know how she sees me or if i am even her best friend in her eyes, i feel so hurt seeing how much effort i put in & keep trying to put myself in & feeling like she's just drifting away, thank you very much & kindly for your time & anyone who reads this, i'm very appreciative & i just wanted to share this without anyone in my friend group knowing & anonymously in a judgment-free, safe space . . .
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cheating

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡2 Festive Brown Moose

my girlfriend has been cheating on me for over a year and i don’t know what i should do
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why am i like this?

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡1 Kind Blue Rose

i knew i shouldn't have but i read another lesbian romance manga. and now im sitting alone crying over fictional love rather than working. i get so wrapped up in stupid shit, yearning for some form of human connection. but nothing ever changes, nobodies around to just chat over the phone. i have so much to do, but i feel so crushingly unloved that im turning to strangers on the internet? how do i stop being sad all the time?
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not getting my points

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 👍42 💡8 Tranquil Rainbow Daffodil

hi! i have had two conversations as a listener this weekend in which the talkers thanked me, but the system didn't acknowledge it or give me the points. i'm wondering if others are having this issue. thanks, and keep safe everyone.
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2020.04.10. 6:17

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● Anonymous

it's 6 in the morning in here. i just woke up from a dream about school again, where i failed about something and ended up cutting my arm veins up with a utility knife in front of the teachers. i was supposed to get my graduation 2 years ago. but due to complications, i failed both other attempts to get it. i was supposed to get it when i was 18/19 but tomorrow i'm turning 21. due to the coronavirus the graduation was supposed to be on hold for october which was supposed to be the perfect opportunity to get myself together by that time and study more for the test, but yesterday on the news they announced that apparently, they will keep the original date which is may 6th next month... this month was rough for my depression and i feel like all the time i spent preparing for this again is lost, i forgot everything. i live with my 3 other siblings who are younger, but more successful than me and better at life than i am. i spend a lot of time in my room either cleaning up the house or in front of my computer. i can't stop thinking of comitting suicide at my birthday that's coming up tomorrow but at the same time, i'd feel bad because my mom had to go through a lot when i was a kid, especially when i was just about to born since i only had barely 50% chance to live and she really wanted me. she told me she cried when i first breastfed and how before i was born in the hospital whenever she heard another baby cry she cried for me cause she was scared i would never be born. i feel like i'm stuck and don't know what to do. i am a god's abomination. i was never meant to stay here. https://youtu.be/oyxrqw7y-h0
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existing, i think

details 💬︎ reply 💎︎ ● 💡1 Clever Indigo Zebra

i've been a widow for a while so i've been by myself almost 10 years now. i have bouts with loneliness but with this coronavirus, the feeling has just magnified. i find myself sitting staring off into space, feeling sad with bouts of crying. i'm a believer so i have a hope that this life isn't the end but it's difficult living this life.

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