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that's what it says. how are three people talking? wouldn't it be two or four? maybe one of them is just muttering to themselves. ha!

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heya fellows of the mellows! how are you all doing? what are the best things going on in your life? or the goodness that has been keeping your spirits up? what are you aspiring for? share some good stuff in here or any funny moment that you wanted to share with somebody. to the ones who arent doing so great, warmest of hugs and cookies. no matter how hard things seem to be, it will get better. nothing can stop the sunshine that's gonna light your life up. be persistent and trust in yourself. you can do it! have a listen to bernard albertson's "a old man's advice". its a real-pick-me-up. listeners/talkers/anons all are welcome to talk about anything! :)

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tfw you run out of icecubes after blazing shits tearing my ass. though im regretting my food choices, going by my tongue rather than my brain.. i might repeat this later..but then!! id be ready with icecubes!!!!!

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hey there, hope today's treating you well, ^^ [brief sui/suicide bait warning] also, i just finished a session with a listener on 7cups, and honestly, it was so disappointing to be flirted with, not even be listened to, asked where i am from, how long i am/was a 7cups listener, then have him completely stop without even addressing how i am feeling, with some apologies, though his actions didn't match up, and he judged my friend, then gave me advice, and... that was truly underwhelming. i used to do blahtherapy then totally stopped after being suicide baited twice, as well as having to try to prevent someone from killing themselves, then found 7cups and usually its... just... not... good... i feel like i've had poor luck, even on mellowtalk, as one of the listeners basically was like me too, and using the upside-down/smiley and i felt it was passive-aggressive, and i wasn't even heard, basically, i think i'm just saying, it would be nice to just have a listener be gentle, interested, validating, easygoing, fair, and above all, try to be empathetic without giving you advice unless asked or judged in any way... thank you to anyone who read this n' listened, i appreciate it, ^^ tl;dr: i've had some poor experiences on this site, blahtherapy, and 7cups, though, i hope to have a good listener online one day, n' thank you for your listening,

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hi there, i hope today has been kind to you & that a lot of sweetness will come your way! ♡ & i wanted to share here, since i feel safer anonymously, and since i am home a lot more often now due to quarantine, i noted how exhausted i am at home, and thought it may be linked to some things i feel at home lately: i was wondering, what are some ways to cope with these actions from my parents & are these types of abuse/an abusive household? thank you kindly, my mother: • constant invalidation/ a lack of emotional support. (decides how i feel, judging, denying, minimizing, trivialization, and/or nonverbally invalidating my emotions to the point i feel it is pointless to share them.) - an unspoken rule at home is that i am not allowed to cry, as in the past i have been treated as i am inexistent, that i have no right to do so, and/or for emotional/physical force when doing so. - i feel that i am not allowed to express my emotions freely or grieve, though when she is sad, if i don’t comfort her, things are worse for me and my dad. • i do not feel i can safely come out to her or my dad about my pronouns/gender or sexual/romantic orientation. • she tells me what to wear and how to wear my hair or clothes. - she insults me or calls me dusty/says don’t wear that, doesn’t like for me to leave the apartment without her “fixing me” and will be visibly upset and tell me to come to her, so she can “fix me” before leaving. • from time to time, she makes me feel guilty (or guilt-trips) me for expressing affection more warmly to leo (our furry family member) instead of her. • she wants me to be dependent on her & stay with her forever, to the point where i was simply boiling tea and told me to not do that, i will get burned, and that she wants me to stay with her always and have her do everything for me. my father: • constant invalidation/ a lack of emotional support. (decides how i feel, judging, denying, minimizing, trivialization, and/or nonverbally invalidating my emotions to the point i feel it is pointless to share them.) - an unspoken rule at home is that i am not allowed to cry, as in the past i have been treated as i am inexistent, that i have no right to do so, and/or for emotional/physical force when doing so; he has mocked and put his hands on me for crying before (especially because it was due to him yelling so much i could not take it). - i feel that i am not allowed to express my emotions freely or grieve, though when he is sad or angry, if i don’t comfort him, things are worse for me and my mom. my mother & father's relationship: • they call each other names, puts each other down constantly, criticize each other, always blame each other, there is no compromise. • they yell & screaming at each other; my father isolates my mother from everyone she could consider support, especially family and friends. • he makes her feel like she can’t do anything right, and has a near-decade age gap. - with this power imbalance, she is completely dependent on him, and he forbids to help her get disability/education/pursue citizenship status. - i have to help her (or she guilt trips) and says i am the only one who can help her. - he controls her finances, when she leaves the house, has not taught her or me to drive, so we rely on him, and she cooks/cleans/does almost everything for him without much or any gratitude, thankfulness, and he jokes that she abuses him. i am an adult, though as i work and go to college, i do not make enough to live on my own currently. (due to an action i found out my dad has been taking that could lead to dire consequences, i am currently unable to continue financial aid until i am reapproved/verified, although i qualify as we are low-income/poor.) my brothers have sexually abused me, so i cannot live with them, and i do not have friends yet that i can live with. i also have a number of other mental illnesses, which all contribute to the difficulties of living alone and making enough. as a family, we have relied on welfare/governmental aid/assisted housing our whole lives, and my mother does not work due to disability, plus my father is semi-retired/on unemployment, so my father and i are the only sources of income. regardlessly, i do my best to use healthy coping skills, save up the money that i can, and try to be kind to my parents/brothers when i have to interact with them. tl;dr: i was wondering, what are some ways to cope with these actions from my parents & are these actions that are bulleted/noted from my mother/father/their relationship types of abuse/an abusive household? (i am trying to cope the best i can despite how i feel it is mentally exhausting to live here.) & thank you for your time, i appreciate it & hope things are kind to you! ♡

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(content warning: talks about some pretty traumatic things) i have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half (i’m 23, she is 22 btw). she is literally my best friend, we live together and we are planning marriage. but i’d really love some advice on helping her deal with depression. it breaks my heart to see how much she is hurting sometimes and i don’t always feel like i know what to do. basically the reason she is going through this is she has had a really tough life and it has left deep scars. she grew up in poverty with her alcoholic mother, who neglected them and had lots of boyfriends some of whom beat her up in front of my girlfriend. her only friend was her little sister, the two of them were often hungry and scared and they literally had to steal from supermarkets sometimes to get food. my girlfriend kinda had to shoulder all the responsibility of taking care of her sister from a young age, she became like her mum cos their real mum was no use. so it broke her heart when her sister got addicted to drugs as a teenager. my girlfriend tried so hard to help her get clean, she even dropped out of art school and got a job so she could pay for her sister to go to rehab. but nothing helped and eventually her sister ran away after stealing half my girlfriend’s stuff to pay for drugs. they aren’t in contact anymore which was heartbreaking, it was like losing her best friend. also she couldn’t go back to art school cos she’d given up her scholarship, so it felt like she had messed up her only chance in life for nothing. so she kinda sank into depression and ended up in an abusive relationship which ended when he sexually assaulted her and she tried to kill herself. anyway she has got her life back on track, she is now working as an illustrator and has a good career, and she has never considered suicide again. but i can still tell how much she has been hurt. she is a very tough person and hides her depression so well that most people haven’t any idea about it. thats partly cos she kinda has trust issues and doesn’t really let anyone except me know her feelings, she says that she has been betrayed so many times that she feels like i am the only person she is comfortable trusting. so i am the one who sees how she is at the end of the day, when sometimes she is fine but some nights she can barely stop crying and she barely sleeps cos of all the nightmares about her past. its just sometimes i struggle to know what to say or do cos i come from an upper middle class background, i had a happy childhood, and i have no experience of the kind of hell she went through. i try to be there for her wherever i can and just to listen or to be there to let her know i love her. i think it helps (she says so anyway) but i still hate seeing her hurting this badly and feeling powerless to help her deal with it all.

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i’m depressed and keep thinking about suicide. i genuinely do not believe i will act on it - it is something i think about a lot, but i know i really don’t want to die. ive seen what it does to those left behind, and i just couldn’t do that to my family. i still keep thinking about it though, to the point that at times it is becoming intrusive. here lies the problem. i love my job/profession. i worked and studied very hard to get there. but - it is a profession with very limited tolerance for mental health issues. if the board/professional body i am registered with got wind of me having suicidal thoughts (even without intention to act), they may take away my registration and i will never be able to work in that profession ever again. i feel like i need help, but if i get help, i could lose my career. if i lose my career, the depression will spiral. i feel stuck. damned if i do, damned if i dont. i really don’t know what to do.

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i don’t know why, but i stress vomit. whenever i get really stressed or a flashback, i always throw up and pull my hair. it’s awful but i’m not sure how to stop. my friends are getting worried and i’m not sure what i should tell them.

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i really thought i knew my cousin well, they’re kind, silly, goofy, and just fun to be around however i recently broke up with my (ex) girlfriend and they have been talking to her in secrecy (ig) about how much of a terrible person i am and i just don’t really know who to trust anymore. i feel guilty because i looked at my cousin’s phone behind their back because i had suspicions but at the same time i also feel aggravated and despondent. they were talking to my ex about how messed up and problematic because of my asd and burning up the gifts that i gave to my ex and i just- idk anymore. i really shouldn’t have looked at their phone aaaosjwowo. thanks for reading this far haha

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so i just found out that some of my co-workers think i’m really shit at my job. i don’t even know how the hell i should process this information. i try my hardest, i really do. i just feel so worthless right now. i’m trying my hardest and i’m still not good enough. this really hurts.

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hiya , does anyone have any tips? im battling with depression right now . i use food a lot to cheer me up ; i cant believe it has turned into such an unhealthy thing i rely on. the flab around my middle has started building which is scaring me . how can i taper off this dependence on high calorie convenience foods and maintain my mood? i actually feel 'love' for instant noodles , the way it makes me feel , like a hug for my emotions . but i also get anxious and my appetite can be non stop

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has anybody ever gave up after years of trying with anxiety and depression ... and then just given up, turned into a slob , escaping everyday into unhealthy and addictive , unproductive activities? i just have no standards for myself anymore, my character is bad - im a miserable person , lazy to do constructive things to build myself up again . i stay withdrawn and away from people. the few friendships i had are gone as i never shared that i was struggling ever with depression/anxiety just shocking how much of a mess i am and worse that i am almost choosing to be like that with my poor choices. this is the longest time ive ever been staying like this , i feel it is so much a part of me . i think ill end up committing suicide in the future if i carry on hating who i am. any pointers ? how did anyone build their self-love , self-respect up and change themselves and their life from anxiety/depression cycles ??

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im lonely. i am so desperately lonely. i have no friends, no social life and no love life. my last relationship was 13 years ago when i was 23. i have been friendless for nearly 10 years. i have no children, although i have a fur baby who some days is the only thing that can genuinely make me smile. what sucks and is so hard for me to understand is that despite this loneliness, i never want to leave the house. i get huge anxiety just at the thought of going to any sort of social function/situation and most often talk myself out of going. even if i do manage to make myself go, i am almost always the first to leave - like i can’t get out of there quickly enough. i don’t understand why i do it. i feel like i’m cutting of my nose to spite my face, but i cant stop myself doing it. why oh why when i so desperately want to belong do i seem to do my best at running away from it? i just don’t understand.

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i witnessed a group of young people set their friend up to get sacrificed. they kept talking about how they were going to be famous and rich for a year and threatening me. they had me locked up in jail and then he died. they told the prosecutor i was harassing them when i have proof they were whorshiping the devil. they were doing one eye hand symbols and holding up their friends with masonic checker boards. i was approached by some of the weird people in their cult about becoming rich and famous. i was called a criminal, extradited, and then the judge and prosecutor hid the case and the arrest. i looked into the famous youtube guy they tried to set me up with and his dad died the same day the guy was sacrificed. in fact, multiple people died on the day he was sacrificed and they were trying to force me to go down there with them. i dont trust the police because theyre involved. i am havin suicidal thoughts. all the people who killed him have aged badly and look old asf. they went about their lives like they did nothing. all of them. they told me to move on to like i wasn’t abused during the process. idc about money or fame. i never wanted to be apart of it. im having nightmares again. i hate myself.

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there are some problems here. i doubt that there are over 50 people talking 24/7. the thumbs-up button seems to have disappeared. conversations are suddenly cut off. thought i should let you know. i hope you are well and everything's cool on your side of the ether.

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my hb took covid test. came back neg. er said he had a tick disease. my sis didnt believe the er dr. i went to see my granddaughter. my sis got mad and has ghosted me for 3 weeks. i think she thinks it was irresponsible to expose them to germs but the drs dont think my husband nor i have covid. i'm mad. also, my daughter just found out she is pregnant. she is very young and my granddaughter is only 10 months. i'm worried about her bc the last pregnancy was super scary and that was before the world went nuts. i do not have time or emotional energy to deal with sis shit and i cannot commiserate over how shitty our world is bc i just want focus positivity in daughter and new in utero grandbaby and 10mo grandbaby and my husband who is getting over the tick thing. everything in life is so stressful. i'm stressing. i'm over reacting to sis thing..i think everyone on the planet is in react mode.i cant seem to get my anxiety under control.

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hi. seems like i am unable to manage with kids, home, social isolation, hubby.. just seems like everything is gone wrong. sarah klein

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greetings everyone , sorry for the long text. after 10 years dealing with anxiety and depression,i think i finally reached my limits, i’m 20y now, 21y in 22 days. i had a really bad high school experience, which included bullying, a toxic relationship, bad grades, parents got divorced, depression and suicide attempts. i spent those 4 years in a science course, that wasn’t for me. almost all my friends went to uni or atleast they are already “ahead”. i started my high school again, new school, new course (kindergarten and taking care of kids ) and luckily, new friends. last week i completed 11º grade, 2y so far in this school, made some good friends, my grades are high as well, i feel really welcome here and overall i’m very happy so far with this experience. still, my depression and anxiety kicked in now and then, i’m being followed by the school’s psychologist. so far she says that i have a big trouble about praising myself, it’s never enough, i see mistakes in everything i do, people congratulate me and my mind goes immediately to “ meh.. could have done better”. my current average is 17,6/20, i used to be a 11,2 student, barely passing. and still, i feel like that’s not good at all. we got quarentined since 13th march, and that’s when this really bad phase started. classes were the only way i had to forget about my problems, see my friends, spent time with them, tests etc. all those great moments disappeared in less than 24h. now i has home alone ( because my mom words during the day), in complete silence. although, the first 2 weeks were good to recharge my batteries because i was really tired, we had a lot of projects before. online classes started and my days got a little more occupied. aside from school i’m studying “mathematics applied to social science” to take the exam to access uni. i started studying 4 months ago, it was alright, but then we got some really big projects to do at home, so my time to study disappeared. these 3 months of online classes left me exausted, i never felt so tired in my life, i would fall asleep stressed and wake up stressed. i never had classes before about this subject that i’m studying, i’m pretty much teaching myself a 400 pages book in 4 months. i forgot pretty much a good part of what i studied before online classes, and my exam is in 15 days. i still have 60 pages to study, didnt practice any exam exercises yet. i’m emotionaly numb, i started having breakdowns constantly, i find myself spending more than 4 hours non-stop walking around the house thinking. its hard to eat, i spend more than 24h without eating anything, i need to cry myself to sleep, i feel extremely alone during the day, i just exchange a few messages with my friends during the day, same with my bf, which i’m more confortable to vent but most of the time his replies to my vent texts are “ i dont know what to say”, words aren’t his thing i guess, i already talked with him about this, and i’m getting tired of being always me asking stuff like “can i get some supportive words?”. i write messages to myself sometimes, i’m craving supportive messages that i write to myself just to keep calm for a few minutes… my psychologist convinced me to talk to a psychiatric las week, i got my prescription and i’m “ready” to start my medication tomorrow. although, i’m very scared of it, my familly’s constantly saying that they know other people that were on antidepressants and that they looked terrible, worse than before. they say that i could have do this without taking pills, everything’s just in head, i have a house, food, a caring mom and that i have no reason to feel like this because there’s more unfortunate people out there. i’m aware of that of course, but i dont think invalidating my proublems is going to help… last time i engaged in my hobbies was 4 months ago, thats what keeps me distracted at home, i draw a lot, and also like to write and play some games, but i feel so guilty to do that right now, like i’m just wasting my “precious time”. i never felt so scared in my life, i had bad cases of depression before and existencial crisis as well. but nothing this bad, i’m okay, 3 secons after i’m on mhy knees crying my eyes out. i might need to quit this exam thing this year, next year i cant take it because there’s a lot to do including internships. my only chance is after graduating hs, then i can have an entire year to concentrate in my studies and enjoy some free time. but then…i will be behind again, i’m going to enter uni with 23,24y and to my familly’s eyes, thats bad. my childhood friend is the only person who have been helping me everyday, she messages me, and tells me that quitting will not make me weaker, that i need to take care of myself first and whats the point on passing the exam if i will start 12º grade exausted, which can affect my grades and average to enter uni…i just feel so weak, everyone’s still saying “you can do it, i believe in you”, i’m just going to disappoint everybody..i want to pursue psychology, i want to be a psychologist, i want to help people like me, but right now i cant even help myself, starting to have doubts if i have the qualifications for that… i dont know what to do, should i quit for now? i feel like i’m just using energy that doesnt exist anymore.. thank you for reading this, i’m sorry for the big text.

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at the last few months i’ve been very confused about who i am. ive resized that i want to be a girl, but no matter how i look at it, i have always been a normal boy as a kid and even now i sometimes act too boyish, with makes me feel disgusted about myself, kind of like gender disphoria but with my personality. i tried to ask in other places, but people say to me that i should just be who i want to be, but i can’t just change my disgusting personality if i would just want to. and also, the same people that say to me that its ok if i was a normal boy when i was young and that the only thing that matters is what i feel now are transgender that felt like the other gender from their childhood. i couldn’t find anyone that i could relate to, and i just don’t feel like i fit in this world.