hi there, i hope that today's kind to you!
basically, i got into a game i love called friday night funkin' when i was sick with covid a few months ago & it soon became a comfort game..
i realized there was a lot of previous problematic content from the devs, such as racism/transphobia/systemized violence and such, and tried to distance myself from the media. i tried again, and it ended up becoming another comfort.
when i was told by another person i follow on a social media that i am a bad person, to leave in a shouting manner, and it really hit hard, as i feel guilty and like i am truly bad.
i have tried to break it and empathize with others, as a minority, who is trans, i see why, and now that i learned about the content, i feel so conflicted.
even though it's a fixation i have, and it's been hard to break it, and i feel so hurt knowing that i am hated, yet i want to grow, and change, yet i feel defined as terrible if i continue to like this media, when i can just let go, though, i seem to only fixate on it...
i try to remind myself that i like it from the fact that is a fun game, and that they are just a stranger on the internet who probably would not say that to my face,
i don't know how to feel, i guess i'm trying to say that it just hurts a lot to feel so judged as black-and-white. i want to respect their boundaries and will unfollow them
though i feel shaken. it's difficult with already having mental health problems, and i've felt improved with my self-esteem for a while, though, this interaction has made me feel like i should re-evaluate who i am, and i do not want to seep into self-hatred again.
i hope this makes sense, i am not trying to excuse myself, just explain why i feel hurt.
and, thank you for your time. i know that none of my friends, family, therapists, or classmates find me as someone who is lacking a moral compass or guide, who is bad, rude, or disgusting, and i genuinely want to be a good person, and struggle with self-worth and i'm trying to remind myself that i can try to move past this...