← back to forum

trying to cope with interacting with problematic media/self-worth

posted by Anonymous on 14 March, 2021

💬︎ reply 💎︎

hi there, i hope that today's kind to you! basically, i got into a game i love called friday night funkin' when i was sick with covid a few months ago & it soon became a comfort game.. . i realized there was a lot of previous problematic content from the devs, such as racism/transphobia/systemized violence and such, and tried to distance myself from the media. i tried again, and it ended up becoming another comfort. when i was told by another person i follow on a social media that i am a bad person, to leave in a shouting manner, and it really hit hard, as i feel guilty and like i am truly bad. i have tried to break it and empathize with others, as a minority, who is trans, i see why, and now that i learned about the content, i feel so conflicted. even though it's a fixation i have, and it's been hard to break it, and i feel so hurt knowing that i am hated, yet i want to grow, and change, yet i feel defined as terrible if i continue to like this media, when i can just let go, though, i seem to only fixate on it... i try to remind myself that i like it from the fact that is a fun game, and that they are just a stranger on the internet who probably would not say that to my face, i don't know how to feel, i guess i'm trying to say that it just hurts a lot to feel so judged as black-and-white. i want to respect their boundaries and will unfollow them though i feel shaken. it's difficult with already having mental health problems, and i've felt improved with my self-esteem for a while, though, this interaction has made me feel like i should re-evaluate who i am, and i do not want to seep into self-hatred again. i hope this makes sense, i am not trying to excuse myself, just explain why i feel hurt. and, thank you for your time. i know that none of my friends, family, therapists, or classmates find me as someone who is lacking a moral compass or guide, who is bad, rude, or disgusting, and i genuinely want to be a good person, and struggle with self-worth and i'm trying to remind myself that i can try to move past this...

posting anonymously

1 insight

3 💡

👍3 💡46 Gentle Polychromatic Bear ● 30 March, 2021 ⚓︎

💬︎ reply

posting anonymously

hey anon, that sounds like you've been taking up the whole thing on yourself and pulled under the stress of it. from what i noticed, you feel as though you seem to be deliberately liking some controversial content and you are unable to accept it. if that's the case, i'd say you being able to distinguish it as something immoral and you want to move on, is the first step to do so. like you said, they might not say that to your face and that reaction might've been a collective outburst from what they went through. so, when you dont mean it and when someone misunderstands your situation, giving a genuine apology and distancing yourself from them sounds like what any person would do. all this talk, im not trying to be a critic of the situation but trying to express how i would feel if i were in your shoes. games are made to be addictive. and you can always overcome it. you have to find out some other productive or immersive game which plays well in your limits. the way youve expressed already shows that you've been reevaluating. you're on a better path already! no matter how much we end up criticising our actions, especially which sometimes may cause hurt , intentionally or unintentionally, do not forget to be kind and understanding with yourself in that process. hope you are doing better now, bear hugs.