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i just want someone to listen

posted by Anonymous on 11 December, 2021

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i'm a very jealous person and have had many problems with my current girlfriend involving her ex-boyfriend, who has been almost a third party in our relationship up until about 1.5 months ago. last night i went on her phone while she was sleeping because i was paranoid and afraid (we've been fighting a lot the past week) and found a couple pictures she took when she slept with her ex-boyfriend last. we were not together at the time, we separated for two months with no plans to speak again. she claimed that he took advantage of her (basically sexually assaulted her when she was vulnerable) at that time but the fact she took such intimate pictures makes me question what really happened, if she lied to me. a part of me knows how it doesn't really matter what happened outside of our relationship, but i want her to be honest with me and i get concerned that she kept in contact and even invited such a harmful and manipulative person back into her own home just because she was in pain from something. she is very impulsive and i'm afraid she cannot keep the promises in our relationship and this continues to fly around my head, bothering me so intensely. i just want to tell it to someone, that it hurts it's like this. her ex-boyfriend has been such an intrusive force in our time together and has continually taken advantage of her and she had never really handled it properly until when we most recently got back together, where i had to tell her how to make sure this man would not intrude on our lives anymore. but seeing these images and seeing some fragments of what their time together was like when we weren't together, which involved some time she spent with him visiting her family with him somewhat involved despite speaking to me at the time (on terms outside of a romantic relationship) which i found a couple somewhat intimate photos of them together, despite her telling me they were not together at that time. i feel like i cannot trust her at all because her perception of these things is so fragmented and inconsiderate of my and our mutual experience, her basically absolving herself of the responsibility she did not take with our relationship. i feel like i cannot trust her at all as she seems to tell me only partial truths or what i want to hear and denying anything else to protect herself. i'm afraid of being hurt, of being lied to, whether she does it intentionally or not, of having been wrong, of being responsible for hurting myself by not listening to my feelings and intuition. i get this feeling often that i don't belong here, that i should leave the relationship and that i'm not happy at all, in fact quite depressed. but we really have a close connection and really understand each other in a way that i'm afraid to lose. i'm afraid of being alone again, i've been alone so long. but i'm letting myself get hurt over and over again, even doing it to myself at times it seems. it would be really nice to hear your thoughts and suggestions and i would like to talk about it further if someone would be willing, thank you

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Anonymous ● 14 December, 2021 ⚓︎

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it seems like you already know what to do. a good relationship wouldn't have you doubting yourself like this. there is obviously something wrong and many red flags if you can't trust her. you can try talking it out with her but it seems like you have lost enough faith in her that you may still have doubts despite her reassurance. while it may hurt, may be its time to consider breaking it off for you mental health. relationships aren't supposed to be this hard or hurt this much and if it does then this isn't your endgame.