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special friend

posted by 💡2 Zealous Floral Wallaby on 29 March, 2019

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hello, i am feeling very lonely and empty and sad. i am in university, and i used to have very closed friends but since i am doing a double major. i don’t see my friends that often anymore. and that makes me sad. beside that, i have this very close male friend. we had been very close which my best one, and i always enjoy his friendship. just 1 month ago he went to my dorm and something just happened. i started having feeling for him but he said that he doesn’t. he just want friendship. i am not sure of the feeling too. since then i am different. i feel very lonely and empty and keep thinking about him. but it’s been 2 month already. i don’t know that empty and sad feeling is because i don’t see my good friends that often anymore or it’s cause of that friend. at the same time i feel like maybe cause i was very close to him, i used to see him everyday, we studied together so that why i am missing him as a really good friend? and could someone please help me to see it more clear what cause my sadness, and what should i do to get out of them and being normal again? thanks a lot




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Anonymous ● 30 March, 2019 ⚓︎


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that's a really tough situation. it's a very old thing, developing feelings for someone and not getting the same back. but people do recover and you will to. find a way to distract yourself and you'll find someone eventually. there are plenty of great people out there

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Inquisitive Velvety Gorilla ● 02 April, 2019 ⚓︎


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maybe you could find a new group to join or a choir/sports class thst would help you make new connections.

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Anonymous ● 30 March, 2019 ⚓︎


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you are probably just being lonely. go out with your friends, you will be good. i was in the similar situation

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Anonymous ● 30 March, 2019 ⚓︎


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don't be so dismissive. going out and clearing your head is a good idea, but what they're feeling right now is very real

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Anonymous ● 30 March, 2019 ⚓︎


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this approach doesn't generally go over well. i've been on the receiving end of this several times, so i'll explain how it feels from my perspective. i have quite a few close friends. awesome friends. one day, one of them dumps on me all these romantic feelings he has for me. he's been feeling this way for a while, and makes it clear how strongly he feels and wants to be with me. i am completely blindsided. i had no idea. i don't even have the slightest opportunity to consider whether i can see this man in a romantic light. my immediate reaction is to reject him, because (short of already being in love with him too) he hasn't left me another option. not to mention that, even if we did start dating, we'd already be on unequal footing. my desire/commitment/affection couldn't be anywhere close to his for quite a while. i wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that. so, long story short: don't "confess your feelings". don't dump your emotions on someone else, no matter how strong. allow them the opportunity to consider you. keep it low pressure. ask them if they'd like to get coffee sometime, preferably in a format that allows them time to formulate a response. give them an opportunity to talk to you with this new frame of mind; they'll have questions. let them see you in a new light.

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Anonymous ● 31 March, 2019 ⚓︎


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huh that's interesting good to know