posted by Anonymous on 11 April, 2021
im late 20s , feel totally dead inside and alone . i broke up with a long term bf last year and that boost initially from moving away from him and focusing on myself was there . after some months , back in m loneliness and my own history of depression/anxiety/avoidance has caught up on me. ive been feeling anxious, escapist or apathetic for almost 3 months now. not showering and boxing myself in my room , in bed. i know i feel no motivation to change , which sort of scares me and makes me feel bleak. im scared to change and i scared of things getting better, i dont know why i wont even help myself why im scared im actually passively leading myself to elf-sabotage .. which has happened a few times in my life. then i cant catch up and get in trouble .. lose jobs, fail my education, need time off , im too old to be making the same mistakes but i just dont feel i can keep up with life and hold on. i just want to stay in bed and hide and sleep away (im anxious). i feel so rubbish about myself that at this age im no better than i was 10 years ago
it's hard to say without a live conversation, but i think you're scared to change because you're scared *of* change. what you have now is familiar and thus comfortable, at least to some degree. would it maybe help to talk to other people? there's a site called wusoup, which you can use to chat with random people. being depressed isn't being rubbish. it's the result of being over-stressed for an extended period of time, or a defense mechanism to ease painful feelings. just because you have a history of depression, anxiety, and avoidance, doesn't mean that that is your fate. question: what do you think it would take to start helping yourself? whenever you hear that voice telling you to escape to your room, to comfort, ask it: when will you start to change? i'll be silently cheering for you! i hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk :)
Anonymous ● 16 April, 2021 ⚓︎
thank you sweet mahogany goldfinch your words comforted me i'd definitely like to talk with you , maybe ill make an account
no problem, i'm really glad to hear it helped! i usually check in to mellowtalk at around 12 to 1 am utc, but if that doesn't work, we can find another time :) sending you an internet hug in the meantime! ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ
Anonymous ● 29 April, 2021 ⚓︎
u have so much life left to live dont give up. keep going. try new things. life can change on a dime. be proud of how strong you are.