posted by Anonymous on 09 October, 2019
hiya, i don't really know how to word this but there's this weird feeling/mood/state of mind idk what exactly it is that has never really disappeared starting from a bit before freshman year. anyways, this sort of state of mind is best summarized as a sort of blackhole. even when i'm laughing with my friends or just busy there's this gnawing sensation that feels like i'm drifting away and am alone. it's terrible. i dont remember the last time i was truly happy. i dont feel like i'm really here. i don't know if it's because ever since i got into highschool i havent made any meaningful relationships with anyone except one which ended terribly, or if i was just made this way. i hate the blame game so i dont like pointing fingers, plus i'm not exactly in any 'special' situation in the sense my family life is relatively fine, my grades are fine too, not going through much drama, and so forth. i'm now a senior so all i think about are grades and uni/college but this feeling of emptiness just won't go away. i don't know what to do.
hi there, buddy! are you talking about the sensation of numbness? the one where you feel like you should be feeling something, because things are happening around you, but still you feel nothing at all? that one feeling where you wonder if there's a black pit between you and the world, and the pit is just absorbing all the sensations? the one where you can't help to think like you don't belong here, or there, or, in short, everywhere? it doesn't matter if your life is great, if you have lots of friends, money, excellent grades, a good family environment or the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend. that feeling does not discriminate, it does not differentiate people for who they are or for what they have. however, it is important to understand why you feel that way. first, try to do it yourself. then, try to talk to someone. if you see you need some professional help, it's okay for you to obtain it. it may seem like nothing now, but we don't want it to evolve into something else. there are lots of ways to deal with that but, first, it is important for you to identify exactly what it is. it's okay to ask for help and i think that's a great place to start!
you can always reach out to your school counselor if you feel comfortable. it really sounds like you are going through the motions but are not fully enjoying life. keeping a journal & write down 3-5 things that you are grateful for daily may help you refocus on the positive. please look at ways that you can get involved with something in your school or community if there is something you are passionate about ( animals, art , etc).