posted by Anonymous on 27 December, 2018
my wife had an another affair, decided to leave me for him (didnt tell me) then the other man said no to her asked ng him when he was going to leave his wife. she is in love with him. i know it was just a silly casual fling for him but she thinks it was real. our marriage is destroyed. im still in love with her and im devastated. desperately trying to rebuild but if i could just step back i would see that she is not a good person, conceited and not trustable. what a mess. my friends tell me to leave. i cant believe im in love with with this horrible person but i am. i dont even have the energy to ask a question here.
hey i know i'm late to reply and there is probably so much more that has happened from the time you posted this to now. so i want to say, i recognize you are in (or were) in a bad emotional place and greatly hurt. reading your short post i see you are in-tune to the situation and have pressure from your support (who are looking out for you) but i can also understand that love isn't something we can turn off. you have forgiving this person multiple times and therefore i question if because there is a cycle in your relationship that has you allowing your boundaries (which i assume is a traditional monogamous standard) to be warped and even non-existent at times that you've normalized the betrayal's to the point where your self-confidence and worth has deteriorated. the reason i want to point out that is that you are not happy with this cycle. yet; it is incredibly human of you to hold onto that cycle. being cheated on can be so emotionally traumatizing. it changes the people in the relationship. the patterns and habits and the connection. but us humans are creatures of habits. we need that familiar cycle. we fight for a toxic cycle because we have become accustom to it and to the role we play in the cycle even if we don't like who we are or what we deal with or do for are loved one. therefore we bend our boundaries. moving on from that is upsetting. at first, before you take the time to emotionally heal and focus on your personal growth. as i type this out, i know that the situation is different for you now. i hope whatever emotional spot you are at currently at you can look back on what has happened and learn. i know comments from the internet can feel so cold and me typing out "look back and learn from it" doesnt sit well as an ending to what im trying to say. i sympathize greatly for you, i truly understand what its like to hold on. to have faith that the connection you had will re-spark. to hit those walls again and again. i get it. but taking a step back and recognizing you need to love yourself, that includes doing the things you dont want to but need to for yourself. there are soooooo many people in this world who you can connect with, whom will have the same goals and boundaries in romance and relationships with others. as another comment has said, be smart and lawyer up if you choose to leave. i 100% with leaving out being petty or sad and just having a clean cut away if you decided to part. if you decided to stay, i hope you two are working it out with a marriage councilor and that you are getting what you want and deserve in the relationship.