posted by Anonymous on 16 February, 2020
some life experience here that might help someone else
Anonymous ● 25 February, 2020 ⚓︎
i feel disgusting. as a child, i walked in on my father practically masturbating, watching a porn video on t.v. and being a child i panicked, but many occasions, i remember having traumatic experiences, my cousins would want to touch me and make out with me and violated me, and i remember turning into them. but, i tried to tell myself that this is what i was told was seen as normal, i guess. i remember being around 6/or 7 years old and telling my cousin to kiss my little sister, and till this day i regret it ! the impact i must’ve had in her life, i’ve tried to apologize but she says she doesn’t remember. i keep remembering, of this one occasion, where i was in the back of my uncles truck. ans he told me to hide, but i don’t remember why, i feel like i saw him zipping his pants up, but i feel like i must be crazy because he’s so nice to me, it must be my mind playing tricks on me. at the age of 15, i was raped twice in the same year. my cousin was with me, and she still brings up the event as if nothing happened. but i’ve realized that, i never allowed myself to cope from it. and that it actually does really effect me, bad. growing up, i basically had a one night thing, got pregnant and was convinced to keep my baby in a hispanic family, u can’t abort. so i built a relationship w the father, who then lied about having a girl pregnant and didn’t tell me till i was 5months prego. again, i never allowed myself to heal. after this, i found out he cheated on me the whole time, and when i was 8 months prego he left me for that other girl. and he got her pregnant, yes three girls pregnant the same year. i hate my life. i love my baby, but she was born with a deformability , and i am a single mother. no job, no nothing i have my mothers support but i feel so lost. so depressed and stuck. i need help
Anonymous ● 28 February, 2020 ⚓︎
maybe if your family is just causing you more harm than good, you shouldn't be obliged to stay there. you have a little baby and i hope you two have a wonderful life. maybe you should consider stabilizing yourself financially a bit and move out, to a new neighbourhood or a city or whatever. look around you, there must be a lot of ngo's and organizations that help women. you can work along with them and find people who understand you. and since your baby is so special, i hope you take good care. and once your good and settled you must get that guy reported, he'll ruin the lives of many other women otherwise. you've got this and you're stronger than you know. "just because the past didn't turn out as you wanted it to, doesn't mean the future can't be better than you ever imagined"
hello there! you've already had a great answer, and i surely agree with what has been said, but i'll just add that i'd be good if you had some professional health regarding your trauma. i understand it can be tough, especially if you find yourself with no regular income, but there are affordable ways to get some help. hope life treats you kindly, from now on, and please stay strong!