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both have depression in relationship

posted by Anonymous on 21 May, 2020

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i find when im depressed i become so withdrawn and ignore my partners needs in the relationship and i have nothing to give whereas he becomes very agitated, arrogant and direspectful and demanding when he is moody. initially i gave a lot in the relationship to please him and make his life better which it did help him get through his dark times. then we became long distance for 3 years, visiting each other sometimes. however my own anxiety/depression has been affecting me again and again . over the last half a year it has been particuarly bad and i feel older and that ill never get a hold of my moods and live well. i dont know how i can be with him and look after my own mental health. i feel too tired for relationships yet i feel alone without it . i dont think he is able to care about my mental health and support me to get better. it feels so alone for me and him . i just dont know how we can both make it as a couple




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💡127 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 21 May, 2020 ⚓︎


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hey there! the best advice i can give you is for the both of you to talk it all out, to figure what you both want right now and in the future. considering you are both depressed, if you don't acknowledge each other's feelings, that relationship can do you more harm than good. share your thoughts with him and let him share his. don't forget that communication is key. it's alright if you need some time to fix yourself. some people can do it while on a relationship, other people don't. try to understand what benefits you most right now.

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Anonymous ● 21 May, 2020 ⚓︎


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"i dont know how i can be with him and look after my own mental health." perhaps you can't. it may be time for you to put your needs first, and give your full attention to your own mental health. not every relationship is meant to last forever. the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. determine what is best for you, and proceed in that direction. when you give your full strength to yourself, you may find that you are more resilient than you imagined. i wish you the best.

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Anonymous ● 21 May, 2020 ⚓︎


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it's important not to become the "therapist" in a relationship. long distance is so hard, you need to supplement your lack of physical presence with communication and sometimes it can really drag on you. make sure you're not staying in this relationship because you feel you have to and if you don't feel supported talk is out with him like like you did here. nothing bad can come from that in the long run. best of luck, take care