posted by Anonymous on 02 September, 2019
i feel lost, empty and fatigued. my chest is collapsing in on it self and i feel my emotional pain physically. i feel so bad and i want to talk to someone but still i dont want to talk to people i know because i feel like they have problems of their own and i dont want all that attention. but i do, but i dont... get me? i have been here, on the bed... feeling horrible for a whole weekend now... nothing interests me, everything feels bland, gray, neutral. i look at myself in the mirror every single day and i cant think of one good thing to say about myself. i'm not smart but i'm not dumb, im not good looking but im not ugly... i often think about death, and i smile when i do... i think its better than life... but i dont want to die. i think about how i would do it but i never prepared. i hate myself so much. all of this, and i still put on a happy face when i'm with my family or friends... i smile and i dont tell them what i'm going through... because i dont want them to look at me and think i am depressed, but i am... i'm so lost and so confused. please, someone... help me.
Anonymous ● 02 September, 2019 ⚓︎
hey, there. i wish you wouldn't feel like that. i'm not really an expert but i've just read this and thought to myself: i can't just ignore this person. did you think maybe about looking for some professional help? i'm asking this because you said you often think about death and if you're dealing with depression they can help. second, if you want to rant, i'm here and so are others on this site and we can listen and reply :) also, i know it's hard, but maybe you need to tell someone you know about your problems, rant to someone, mum, dad, sister, friend, someone you trust the most. they'll probably understand and they can help plus you can feel better after saying it out aloud. i know it sounds stupid, i thought so too but trust me, talking with someone you love and who loves you and cares about you works because they can show you how much you mean to they, how much they love you and want to see you happy, they can show you some of your qualities that you didn't even noticed. also, pretending is hard and exhausting, if you could be true and honest with just one person, maybe it will feel easier to breathe again. start by telling one person, someone you trust and someone you know that won't judge you or think any less of you. just remember, we all have our dark moments and it's okay to accept and acknowledge them in order to start feeling better. (this is my first time doing this so i hope this helps)
Anonymous ● 02 September, 2019 ⚓︎
hey! trust me when i say this, i completely get you. like there are so many little points in your insight that i can relate to and have also gone through myself. i know it's hard but it's not the end of the world and you are not alone. sure it may feel like it but it's not true, it's just our thought process that we need to learn to ignore. you can hide your feelings behind a smile infront of your friends and family but you can't hide from your mind. it can a get a pretty dark place when you are depressed and so you need to learn to be optimistic. learn to look on the bright side, it can change a lot of things. like if you had a bad day today, think it'll get better tomorrow. how do you know that? well, you don't. noone knows what the future holds for them, it can be good or bad but you look on the good side because you want it to be and that's your motivation. don't let these past few bad days happening in your life affect your thoughts about your future. you are going to be happy soon and even if you don't think so, i do because i believe you can change your thought process, everyone can. just think about it :) oh and if you ever feel lost or lonely or depressed even after this, we can always talk through these posts. i can be your friend if you want to. let us both be optimistic about our future together haha.