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a confused teen with broken heart.

posted by 💡1 Limber Puffy Snail on 12 September, 2019

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hey i’m 19 and totally fed up of life.i recently broke up with a guy with whom i had been in relation for 2 long years.it all started about 2 and half years ago,when i started to have strong crush on that guy.he noticed me for many times and even he knew that i had crush on him.besides knowing this he asked out another girl.so,he was in relation with another girl.i was hurt obviously but i was never the one to make them fight with each other.i used to cry whole night long lying on my bed.i was totally alone.my so-called best friend used me for some stupid purpose of her and then left me all alone.at that time i felt so down for very first time in my life.time passed by..,after about 6 months,that guy had to go through break up and then he got to remember me all of sudden.one day,he asked me and i was typically on cloud nine.i was kinda innocent girl back then whom one can easily make stupid.then it all started,he started talking to me on messaging apps.at first he couldn’t even remember my name.after about a week,he asked me that he wanted to talk to my sister and i said ok as i and my sister thought that it’s just a normal thing to do.he talked with her for really long and when it came about talking to me,he said that he was tired and couln’t talk.this happened for many times.my sister was totally fed up of all this and refused talking to him.whenever he talked tto me,he would remind my flaws like about my brown skin or studious nature etc.it always hurted me whenever he made fun of me but i was deeply in love with that person.even his friends would make my fun.sometimes,i would wait for him whole night long just to talk to me and cried alone..but he never cared.time went on like this.i was immensely afraid that if he left me.i was habitual of that pain.some of the times i found him flirting with girls...yet believed his excuses for no reason.when he talked to me during nights..he would try to talk about some wierd things like sex and all but i wasnot kinda one to listen all that stuff.he made every possible move to use me for his sexual appetite and his words would just broke me down each single time.he made me feel like if i’m just a ‘thing’ one can use and throw.there was no one to help.he even had fight with sister’s boyfriend for no reason.he would lie me each and every time.my feelings for him were ruined day by day.each moment my conscience warned me that his was not kinda one i deserve.i was loyal to death with him.i never even glanced at any other guy.even his friends had to say how loyal i was.i am actually a girl with very good intellect.i was topper of my school and you won’t believe but he was also jealous of me being topper of school.he wasnot good at studies.i tried to help him in studies but he never wanted my help.he would better seek help from other girls.even his mother made fun of my looks.that was heartbreaking.inside my heart,i felt like i was trapped.i moved to another city with my family.he was more free to do whatever he wanted then.we always shifted so that i can prepare well for medical school entrance.things were quiet different at new place.i had to face new pressure of studies nd ppl.everything was new and hard for me.time when he was supposed to support me,he would just rarely talk to me.feelings for him came to an end in my mind and i don’t what suddenly happened to him.he started insisting me that he was a good guy and i must not seek to end our relation ever.that stupid ugly girl started seeming beautiful to him all of very sudden.i was totally fed up of his mood swings.i was totally tired of all that mental pain.i must tell you that i was going through a phase of severe depression.i would just sit and stare in space for hours.i would just lie on my bed and cry in arms of my mother or sister for times.i was totally dead inside.then i decided to break up with him.i gathered all of my courage and broke up with him.he cried...yes he cried for me.he begged me for our relation.but all those words of him when he used to say at times that he didn’t like me or he wanted me to leave flashed in front of me.i choose to leave him.he with friends just troll me for that all the time and say that i broke his heart.he stands on roads in my ways with his friends just to give a frown look to me or me me afraid.but honestly i don’t regret.i am not even afraid of him.the mental illness he gifted me is much more fearful for me.i have lost my beliefs from love nd i don’t think i will ever be able to love again.this is the most important time ongoing of my life.i’m here to work for my career.my exams are near but i am suffering through depression.i don’t want to do anything.it feels like i am dead inside or have no reason to live or love.what should i do?

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💡137 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 20 September, 2019 ⚓︎

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first of all, you need someone to tell you how great you were for breaking up with him. from what you told us, you were on an abusive relationship, with a guy that insulted and mistreated you. not only him, but also his friends and his mother. you are much better off without all of them in your life. for this, you need to be reminded that what you did takes a lot of courage and, for that, i deeply admire you. now, even if you're not together anymore, the way he treated you may have left some scars. it may be hard for you to trust or to commit as you did before. what i want to tell you is that things will get better. i'm not asking you to forget your experience, because it shaped the person you are now, but try to make an effort to understand that not all people are like him. you don't need a relationship to be happy, but you can be happy in a relationship. however, if he harasses or if he bothers you, try to warn someone you trust about that, so you can find a way to make him stop. about the way you're feeling, know that you'll always have a safe place in here to vent. however, if you feel like things are starting to feel unbearable, and if you have the conditions to do so, try to get some professional help. we want to help you, but sometimes we don't know how to do so. you may need something we aren't able to get you, so you should try to find it elsewhere. keep in mind that, no matter what happens, and no matter what you choose to do, you'll always have someone in here who's ready to listen to what you have to say