posted by Anonymous on 11 March, 2021
i just cant fight it. i'm too passive a slip into depression again and again. i have anxiety which leads to lot of avoidance that turns into depression. the pattern the last 10 years has been such a drag. i've lost my relationships due to depression and ended up isolating myself and functioning terribly. i'm scared i'm going to lose my job by underperforming and being so spaced out and clueless. i'm not switched on, i just want to escape life but it catches up with me and i struggle. i'm so emotionally not resilient, i haven't learned how to handle myself.. my emotions and my activities. how do people do it? i feel destined to stay alone because i'm so useless and depressive. i'm no more than i was 10 years ago, and worse because in older and haven't learnt
dear anon, im sorry to know that it has been so stressful for you since so long. from what i've understood, you must've been pushing at it, fighting it back as long as you can only to lose your grip sometimes. when it has been this tough , please try to get some therapy. it would seem that you might have some unanswered feelings or emotions that have been repeating in a cycle manifesting into your actions. just be patient and be consistent until you find a good support. usually friends, family would take that role. it doesnt mean that ones who do are all right. people with hundreds of friends might feel it too. that's when you should reach out for help. and age is a number and it has been proved many times. you just gotta find what strokes your motivation and push towards it everyday, no matter how small a step. you are worried about relationships and unfortunately had some unpleasant experiences. not to undermine your calibre or personality, but you gotta learn how to be at peace with yourself first. shower all the love, kindness in your heart onto yourself. im sure you were the cause of some hapoy moments in others life. even if it was fleeting, it matters. ive been through depressive states myself and i know how numb and blue everything feels. the way i got myself out of it was to be lovingly strict with myself and have a routine that is not negative. as in, even making the bed is a good sign. a whole day of watching something that makes you laugh isnt wasting time. you werent stressing out and giving some good ol' endorphins to your mind. i count that as a win. slowly you progress onto stuff that's more productive. add little chores everyday. have an accountability partner/ community (you can find them everywhere online) no talk of being old, old is wise and experienced. since ten years you know what wouldnt work for you, so you're gonna find out what will. no one knows how the future's gonna be, so.. get it going, champ. the only way is forward. you can do this. i believe in you! sending warm bear hugs with a dash of squueeeze!