posted by 👍2 💡13 Little Silver Peony on 03 November, 2019
i feel a bit embarrassed to be writing this. please bear with me. i have this friend who is one year older than me. i am obsessed with her. my mind is constantly on her and i just can't stop wishing that she would notice me for once. everyday in school i search the hallways for her, and whenever she says hi or even looks my way i feel ridiculously happy for the rest of the day. when she doesn't notice me, i have this strange feeling of disappointment. i keep texting and emailing her, keep trying to get her attention. i just can't stop. i feel like i'm being needy and i'm probably being really annoying to her. deep inside i know this is unhealthy, but i really can't stop thinking about her. it's not a crush or anything, i'm not lesbian. i just want her to see me. can you help me stop this obsession?
i think what is important for you to self-reflect. when you say that your mind is constantly on her, do you mean it interferes with your ability to do other tasks to the point that it is hindering your studies, hygiene, sleep, and relationship with others? do you find that you are social-media stalking her? do you know her daily schedule where you intentionally cross paths more? if not, than this isn't an obsession. it's a crush. romantic and sexual orientation isn't always black and white. you don't always know what or whom you are attracted to and sometimes if you do you realize later as life goes on that there are other types of people you want to mingle with. that's what it is like sometimes for people. you could be bi, pan, queer, lesbian, gynesexual/gynephilic, poly, etc there is a landslide of opportunities to figure this out. my suggestion is not to repress feelings because you think it isn't acceptable to have them. your allowed to be attracted to whomever you want. the difference is if you know that these feelings won't be reciprocated than don't form a type of relationship that would cross the other person's boundaries or your own. join the local lgbtq2+ communities, look at your school for support. sometimes its scary to join these communities because as history has shown, these communities get targeted. however, its worth looking into and meeting friends who have had the same journey or on the same journey you are right now. these people could be the best support system you could ever have. however, if you answered yes to the questions above i would advice that you seek counselling, being obsessed with a person is life-altering because of the unhealthy nature of it. unfortunately finding advice online isn't going to help you for that. a therapist or a counselor are going to give you the tools that you need. its not a 1-10 steps plan to find the solution and move on from the obsession. there is a lot of work that is needed to help a person not from unhealthy attachments and if they have one there is a lot of work to break that down and move on. anyways this is getting pretty long huh, i wish you all the best.
hi there! you don't have to feel embarrassed at all, this is actually a common feeling. do you have any idea about what could be causing this obsession? is there anything about this girl that draws your attention, anything particular? how would you describe your relationship with her?
hi, to all the people who have tried to help: thanks. really. i love you guys for being so kind. anyway, she moved. i don't see her anymore. gradually, i stopped thinking about her so much. now, we're still friends but it's a healthy relationship. my boyfriend has also been really supportive regarding this. thank you all for being so sweet :) -charlotte
Anonymous ● 04 November, 2019 ⚓︎
it might be a little crush :) nothing wrong with that i refused to believe i was gay for the longest time and instead i would form these weird little intense interests in other guys at my school. eventually i realized the extreme interest i had was just me crushing a little bit. its normal it happens!