posted by 💡8 Quirky Orchid Gazelle on 25 April, 2020
tags: pda, covid-19 mention, text-heavy, talking about time/dates; ask to tag i feel like i'm being sensitive, though, i struggle a lot with abandonment issues & bpd, so i just wanted to talk this out in a safe, non-judgmental space, i feel like i double-text too much & one of my best friends doesn't feel like spending as much time with me as much as i'd like to with her, one of them, i messaged her on march 26th, saying goodnight after playing a video game together, then texted on march 28th, to thank her for a gift she mailed me & then texted again on april 8th to check in, then i finally heard from her on april 11th & i replied back to her, after that, i double-texted & wished her a happy birthday on the 19th, i sent her two birthday gifts that were delivered earlier this week following the 19th, as well as one in a game, i haven't heard from her in almost two weeks now & i also tagged her in a post that reminded me of her, yesterday, the 24th, i see she's still very active on other social media, though, not responding to my messages & i feel so sad about that... especially since we were hoping to finally meet up & i had to cancel my plans to visit in march due to covid & work, & she was so excited as we met in 2015 & finally was going to see each other & i was so heartbroken to tell her we had to cancel,, now, i'm afraid she doesn't really care much about me & i'm overinvested, especially when i see her talking with others & not me... i've reached out to her after periods of time we lost touch in the past, we recently reconnected again last year, though i feel like i may be over-initiating to talk to her, i just really miss her, even though we've only met online, she's still special & important to me & she's one of the few people i have as a friend in my life, regardless, even if she may not be as reciprocating, i want her to know that i care about her a lot, & i don't know how she sees me or if i am even her best friend in her eyes, i feel so hurt seeing how much effort i put in & keep trying to put myself in & feeling like she's just drifting away, thank you very much & kindly for your time & anyone who reads this, i'm very appreciative & i just wanted to share this without anyone in my friend group knowing & anonymously in a judgment-free, safe space . . .
hey there! first of all, welcome to mellowtalk. we're here to listen to you, no matter what you have to say. if i'm understanding correctly, the problem here seems to be the lack of reciprocity in your friendship. let me tell you, i know exactly how you're feeling. i'm a double-texter, always trying to establish contact with my friends to know how they're feeling, if they're having a good day, sometimes just to tell them "hey, i saw *something* earlier and it reminded me of you". understandably, my friends are really different from me and they're also different from each other. some reply immediately with a big text, some reply an hour later with a small "ha ha ur da best" and some of them don't even reply at all. i know that, by sending that text, i made their day somewhat better. and i understand that their answer wasn't because they don't like me as much as i like them, but because that's their way of showing it. thereby, what i'm trying to say is that people are really different when it comes to displaying their emotions. nevertheless, i this situation is hurting you and that is completely normal, because we like to receive what we give away. my advice is that you talk to her, explain her how you feel and try to make her understand your side. sometimes our friends don't know we're hurting and, if they don't know it, they can't do anything about it. i hope everything works out!
hi there, delightful scarlet jellyfish! thank you for your kindness for everyone, as well as me & i hope you share some of that with yourself ! & yes, i feel afraid due to the lack of reciprocity & thank you for sharing with me, as well as how you can relate & empathize with me, i hear where you're coming from & i find we're quite similar there, i did the same thing earlier, asking how she was feeling & showing her something that reminded me of her, it's a sweet thought to know that even if you may not get the response you wish, you still brighten up their day, as that's a beautiful thing about friendship, thank you for sharing your insight with me & it's good to be reminded that people's responses are not based on how much they like you, as it's difficult to even compare how much a friend likes them & they like you, thank you for understanding & i hear your advice! i haven't heard from her ~3 weeks, today i sent her a third text saying i miss her alongside other things & although i'm apprehensive to explain to her how i feel & try to make her understand, though i see how that's being passive, i am tentative to let her know how i feel, since i do understand that others may not be as reciprocative with me, i felt i just wanted to talk about it rather than talk it out with her, & there's no need to reply to this at all! thank you for your kindness & i hope good things come your way & you're able to take care too, ♡
thank you so much for being so friendly! i'm happy to know you're currently feeling better, even though i understand this is something difficult to deal with. i want you to know you are a brave person for sending her that text and i hope everything gets settled. all the best!