posted by Anonymous on 04 February, 2022
im sorry i know an issue like this seems so generic. but i really want to get this off my chest. i can't take it anymore. i just want to be heard. growing up being a girl, there is an overwhelming pressure to be beautiful, and for the longest time ever i've known that i have never fulfilled that requirement. its not that i look at myself and conclude that im ugly. i will actually say that i consider myself average, not ugly neither gorgeous. just plain looking. but from the way people have always treated me, you would think im hideous. and it confuses and hurts me to a point where i think i really am hideous. if you have ever seen a post describing how ugly people live in an entirely different world than attractive people, its 100% true and not an exaggeration. the way i look physically has affected me in every aspect of my life so far. throughout highschool i was bullied for being skinny and for having disgusting skin because of acne. in college it wasnt that people picked on me, but rather they comepletely ignored me whenever i tried talking to anyone. any attempt to make friends fell flat and i was never acknowledge by anyone.i used to think it was because i gave off a weird aura because im generally a shy and quiet person but i noticed that other girls who were similar in that regard were always approached by people and they were always pretty. even with my family i tend to get the same treatment. my own parents, aunties and uncles and cousins have always berated me for the way i look. that i should put make up on and dress properly like a girl. i'm not treated the same way as my other girl cousins who are pretty and skilled applying makeup and doing their hair. in family wedding recordings, i've been cut out twice in two different videos while my siblings and the rest of family were kept in. photos too where i noticed i should have been in it but i wasnt. even my relatives noticed and pointed it out. those are the worst memories i have. right now im applying for an entry level job to be a receptionist and one of the requirements was to look atleast pleasant and it just made me have a meltdown. these experiences shatter my confidence in anything i want to try doing. there is a constant fear i wont be good enough. i feel like i'll never make any proper connections in regards to dating or just making friends. people always say its about the attitude you give off to people, not just the way you look. but how can i afford to be confident or happy if i feel shunned almost all the time? i have no idea how to apply make up. ive never felt its suits me. i dont how to find the right fashion style of myself. there are days where i spiral in my thoughts where nothing will work because im too ugly for anything. and then i think the only way out of it is cosmetic surgery. sometimes i'd go on subreddits that are glowup related and i see the transformation of other posters and its give me alot of hope. but i just feel i can't get there. i really wish i had people in my life to guide me. i dont know what to do and i cant bring myself to look at myself anymore it hurts me alot. i dont want the rest of my life to be like this.
Anonymous ● 05 February, 2022 ⚓︎
hey, you dont need to be sorry. its a perfectly understandable wish that many people who arent considered pretty have. some people say that looks dont matter but they do. in fact, looks are very valued in all human societies, so people who are seen as below average get in fact a worse treatment like you have been suffering, which affects their life as a whole however, there is always a way to change your looks. thats one of the good things about being human: we are able to manipulate our appearance. sure, it may take more effort to look in a certain way than another, but its not impossible sleeping well offers a huge improvement on how u function during ur day. that means being more productive, including having more motivation to take care of yourself and being able to tolerate looking at yourself in the mirror, for example about being confident and happy: dont try to be both if u know u arent either one at the moment. being sad, disappointed or even angry is normal and it shouldnt be dismissed. if u wanna cry, do it, let ur tears fall off. the fact that u wrote this insight seeking for help was already a big step, maybe the hardest step u had to take to start change ur life to better! im very, very proud of u ive been facing something similar in my life. i was never considered pretty and was made fun of because of my looks at school. that killed my confidence and helped me to developed skin problems (its surprising how much ur skin is connected to ur emotional health) i recommend staying away from mirrors: dont look at them even when u go to the bathroom. try to buy some skincare products, a soap to make ur skin better, something to put on ur face after the soap and lotion. try to put it on ur face at least a day, or a week. if u arent able to make it dont blame urself! its hard, it will probs be hard but u will be able to do it if u keep ur mind focused on ur looks goals if u are overwheight a good way of losing weight is always very early in the morning when almost nones awake. usually there will be some elders awake but they tend to look less at u in my experience. walking is an underrated activity bc u can lose weight by walking for an hour or two in the morning about clothing: ye its normal to feel like nothing suits u because suiting u is a feeling u have if u are fine with yourself and ur looks. id recommend trying to dress in a trendy way. one good thing about todays fashion is that oversized but cute clothes are being used by a lot of people. so a cool and comfy hoodie, mom jeans, yoga pants. for shoes converse, vans, they work well and make u look more confident even if u arent about makeup: i cant give u advice bc i dont know how to apply it and honestly never use it. use a face mask if u can, people probably wont question it since we are still in a covid pandemy. the mask may help with ur confidence as it will hide ur nose and ur mouth. at least it helped me a lot, like i started leaving home to walk dont feel bad for thinking about cosmetic surgery! its a good and valid option if u can afford it. go for it if u feel like it. but, but, but before doing it seek for a great professional (read lots of reviews, dont try paying too cheap. cheap stuff can often have a bigger price than expensive stuff...) and have reference photos of other girls to show the doctor how u would like ur face to look sorry for the long reply i hope this can help u somehow dont forget im supporting u <3 i know u will be able to do it! i believe in u u can talk to me if u need. id love to listen to u and help u
Anonymous ● 05 February, 2022 ⚓︎
im the same anon person who replied to ur insight if u wanna be friends i will create an account here so we can talk
Anonymous ● 08 February, 2022 ⚓︎
hi anon, im op. im sorry for responding late, i was feeling pretty down after making this post so i went offline for a few days. i really appreciate your response and your advice. thank you for allowing me to feel validated and heard. in terms of my skin, fortunately my acne is not so bad anymore although it has left alot of scars on my face. i have been investing in products like face scrubs and mask sheets and i do notice a difference in my skin complexion. im hoping to save up for a scar removal surgery soon. ive also been drinking lots of water and eating more (i used to be underweight) and i'm trying to change my diet around abit (less sodium and sugar intake). as for sleeping sufficiently, it's not something ive been able to tackle down properly but im working on it. so these are the steps ive been taking so far. i know there is so much more that i have to do in order to see any changes and i think thats what causes me to feel so overwhelmed and hopeless at times. that, and also seeing that i'm still being treated the same way by my family and people in general even though i really am trying to change things about my appearance. i will definetly take on your advice about trying on clothes that are abit more trendy. i do love wearing vans and have a few different pairs. i've never really made an effort to experiment with my outfits because i was always convinced it wouldnt go with me so i would stick with the same kind of plain styles and colours. but i'll definetly try and expand my wardrobe. and yes eversince masks became mandatory, i feel abit more confident about going outside and being the presence of other people. i'll keep in mind what you said about cosmetic surgery! ive been doing alot of research about the reasonable prices and any possible drawbacks it may have. the oddly cheap surgeries are probably best to avoid! your response has inspired some motivation in me so i thank you again for your support. i would be happy to keep in touch with you aswell. i hope you are able to see my reply if its not too late.
Anonymous ● 08 February, 2022 ⚓︎
i'm also sorry to hear that you went through similar experiences. its horrible :( but im happy to know i'm not alone. i really want to hear more about your journey