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i want to be pretty so badly

posted by Anonymous on 04 February, 2022

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im sorry i know an issue like this seems so generic. but i really want to get this off my chest. i can't take it anymore. i just want to be heard. growing up being a girl, there is an overwhelming pressure to be beautiful, and for the longest time ever i've known that i have never fulfilled that requirement. its not that i look at myself and conclude that im ugly. i will actually say that i consider myself average, not ugly neither gorgeous. just plain looking. but from the way people have always treated me, you would think im hideous. and it confuses and hurts me to a point where i think i really am hideous. if you have ever seen a post describing how ugly people live in an entirely different world than attractive people, its 100% true and not an exaggeration. the way i look physically has affected me in every aspect of my life so far. throughout highschool i was bullied for being skinny and for having disgusting skin because of acne. in college it wasnt that people picked on me, but rather they comepletely ignored me whenever i tried talking to anyone. any attempt to make friends fell flat and i was never acknowledge by anyone.i used to think it was because i gave off a weird aura because im generally a shy and quiet person but i noticed that other girls who were similar in that regard were always approached by people and they were always pretty. even with my family i tend to get the same treatment. my own parents, aunties and uncles and cousins have always berated me for the way i look. that i should put make up on and dress properly like a girl. i'm not treated the same way as my other girl cousins who are pretty and skilled applying makeup and doing their hair. in family wedding recordings, i've been cut out twice in two different videos while my siblings and the rest of family were kept in. photos too where i noticed i should have been in it but i wasnt. even my relatives noticed and pointed it out. those are the worst memories i have. right now im applying for an entry level job to be a receptionist and one of the requirements was to look atleast pleasant and it just made me have a meltdown. these experiences shatter my confidence in anything i want to try doing. there is a constant fear i wont be good enough. i feel like i'll never make any proper connections in regards to dating or just making friends. people always say its about the attitude you give off to people, not just the way you look. but how can i afford to be confident or happy if i feel shunned almost all the time? i have no idea how to apply make up. ive never felt its suits me. i dont how to find the right fashion style of myself. there are days where i spiral in my thoughts where nothing will work because im too ugly for anything. and then i think the only way out of it is cosmetic surgery. sometimes i'd go on subreddits that are glowup related and i see the transformation of other posters and its give me alot of hope. but i just feel i can't get there. i really wish i had people in my life to guide me. i dont know what to do and i cant bring myself to look at myself anymore it hurts me alot. i dont want the rest of my life to be like this.

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Anonymous ● 08 February, 2022 ⚓︎

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hi anon, im op. im sorry for responding late, i was feeling pretty down after making this post so i went offline for a few days. i really appreciate your response and your advice. thank you for allowing me to feel validated and heard. in terms of my skin, fortunately my acne is not so bad anymore although it has left alot of scars on my face. i have been investing in products like face scrubs and mask sheets and i do notice a difference in my skin complexion. im hoping to save up for a scar removal surgery soon. ive also been drinking lots of water and eating more (i used to be underweight) and i'm trying to change my diet around abit (less sodium and sugar intake). as for sleeping sufficiently, it's not something ive been able to tackle down properly but im working on it. so these are the steps ive been taking so far. i know there is so much more that i have to do in order to see any changes and i think thats what causes me to feel so overwhelmed and hopeless at times. that, and also seeing that i'm still being treated the same way by my family and people in general even though i really am trying to change things about my appearance. i will definetly take on your advice about trying on clothes that are abit more trendy. i do love wearing vans and have a few different pairs. i've never really made an effort to experiment with my outfits because i was always convinced it wouldnt go with me so i would stick with the same kind of plain styles and colours. but i'll definetly try and expand my wardrobe. and yes eversince masks became mandatory, i feel abit more confident about going outside and being the presence of other people. i'll keep in mind what you said about cosmetic surgery! ive been doing alot of research about the reasonable prices and any possible drawbacks it may have. the oddly cheap surgeries are probably best to avoid! your response has inspired some motivation in me so i thank you again for your support. i would be happy to keep in touch with you aswell. i hope you are able to see my reply if its not too late.