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i want to be pretty so badly

posted by Anonymous on 04 February, 2022

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im sorry i know an issue like this seems so generic. but i really want to get this off my chest. i can't take it anymore. i just want to be heard. growing up being a girl, there is an overwhelming pressure to be beautiful, and for the longest time ever i've known that i have never fulfilled that requirement. its not that i look at myself and conclude that im ugly. i will actually say that i consider myself average, not ugly neither gorgeous. just plain looking. but from the way people have always treated me, you would think im hideous. and it confuses and hurts me to a point where i think i really am hideous. if you have ever seen a post describing how ugly people live in an entirely different world than attractive people, its 100% true and not an exaggeration. the way i look physically has affected me in every aspect of my life so far. throughout highschool i was bullied for being skinny and for having disgusting skin because of acne. in college it wasnt that people picked on me, but rather they comepletely ignored me whenever i tried talking to anyone. any attempt to make friends fell flat and i was never acknowledge by anyone.i used to think it was because i gave off a weird aura because im generally a shy and quiet person but i noticed that other girls who were similar in that regard were always approached by people and they were always pretty. even with my family i tend to get the same treatment. my own parents, aunties and uncles and cousins have always berated me for the way i look. that i should put make up on and dress properly like a girl. i'm not treated the same way as my other girl cousins who are pretty and skilled applying makeup and doing their hair. in family wedding recordings, i've been cut out twice in two different videos while my siblings and the rest of family were kept in. photos too where i noticed i should have been in it but i wasnt. even my relatives noticed and pointed it out. those are the worst memories i have. right now im applying for an entry level job to be a receptionist and one of the requirements was to look atleast pleasant and it just made me have a meltdown. these experiences shatter my confidence in anything i want to try doing. there is a constant fear i wont be good enough. i feel like i'll never make any proper connections in regards to dating or just making friends. people always say its about the attitude you give off to people, not just the way you look. but how can i afford to be confident or happy if i feel shunned almost all the time? i have no idea how to apply make up. ive never felt its suits me. i dont how to find the right fashion style of myself. there are days where i spiral in my thoughts where nothing will work because im too ugly for anything. and then i think the only way out of it is cosmetic surgery. sometimes i'd go on subreddits that are glowup related and i see the transformation of other posters and its give me alot of hope. but i just feel i can't get there. i really wish i had people in my life to guide me. i dont know what to do and i cant bring myself to look at myself anymore it hurts me alot. i dont want the rest of my life to be like this.

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👍13 💡3310 Big Boy Ben ● 06 February, 2022 ⚓︎

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