posted by 💡2 Simply Teal Nightingale on 04 October, 2019
hello! i have no idea where to start with this so i’m worry in advance for horrible grammar/ spelling. i read somewhere that happiness is 90% genetic- which is both incredibly depressing and i think the reason i’m so sad all the time. for context, i’m a fourteen year old boy who has tried to kill myself 4 times to date, and unfortunately failed each time. i live a happy life, my parents are truly the best people in the world, and my brothers are annoying, but i wouldn't trade them for anything either, my school is one of the better public schools in the uk, and i dont get bullied. but i stress over the tiniest things- i tear myself up for hours over things that happened years ago, or tiny comments- by the way, sorry for me taking so long to explain all this. i feel ridiculously empty, and hollow, at first it was just when i was alone, now days i could be laughing to the point of tears and feel as though no of its genuine. i think things that i instantly disagree with, and that makes me wonder if i’m twisted or deranged and things. ive got other issues, but to be frank, just writing down these has made me feel pretentious and feel really dirty. i’ll leave you there, thanks.
you don't need a reason to feel sad. you don't need a reason to validate the way you're feeling. you don't need to have had a terrible life of suffering to justify your emotions. if you feel sad, empty, angry, anxious or afraid, the important thing is that you learn how to deal with it. don't feel pretentious for not corresponding to the ideas others have of having to be miserable to feel miserable. don't feel like you're a fraud just because you don't correspond to the role of the "ideal victim". don't be sorry for taking your time to explain your situation. this is a safe place for you to vent. always take the time you need, there'll always be someone who reads what you have to say. i think that, most of all, it is important to you to develop some skills to deal with your feelings. you told us about overthinking things and that is something that, with some training, you'll be able to control after some time. since you've referred to be someone with a good familiar structure, maybe it would be a good idea if you asked your parents to take you to a therapist (that is, if you don't already have one). therapy is the key to a lot of behavioral changes that can impact one's life to the extent of modifying even the worst feelings. lastly, i would like to ask you this: from this day on, if you feel like you're on a dangerous situation, if you feel like you could hurt yourself, please come in here to talk to us first. sometimes, having a nice chat is enough to prevent something bad from happening. always wait a little bit for a response. however, if you really feel like you can't manage it on your own, try to contact someone that can help, there are a lot of resources available that you can use. it is very fortunate for me that you're still alive, despite what you may think. thank you for sharing and i hope that you feel better about yourself now.
hey! it's true that happiness might be genetic, as in not always the cause of external factors like having amazing parents. yet, it's still something we can control! when something is genetic rather than external, it doesn't mean that we cannot remedy the situation. often, the brain experiences some sort of chemical imbalance, causing you to feel sad for no reasons. so, perhaps you could try medication to make you feel better. because, hey life is short to deprive ourselves of happiness! also, something regarding life. life is precious. you have been chosen to live here. the place you're right now, that specific time period, with the nice people around you. and also. remember one thing. you are important. you matter a lot in this world. about stuff that you were saying happened years ago, if it isn't something that you're happy/proud about, it's okay. you shouldn't keep tearing yourself about it because often, other people do not keep on thinking about it. for example, we might keep on thinking about the stupid stuff we did some years ago, but chances are your friends/ classmates and have forgotten about it. and again, yes you matter. there's nothing pretentious talking to others about your feelings. it's just something human and that's beautiful i believe (that's what makes us different from animals righht hahah! ) until next time. i hope you feel better. i sincerely hope that :)