posted by Anonymous on 19 July, 2020
im lonely. i am so desperately lonely. i have no friends, no social life and no love life. my last relationship was 13 years ago when i was 23. i have been friendless for nearly 10 years. i have no children, although i have a fur baby who some days is the only thing that can genuinely make me smile. what sucks and is so hard for me to understand is that despite this loneliness, i never want to leave the house. i get huge anxiety just at the thought of going to any sort of social function/situation and most often talk myself out of going. even if i do manage to make myself go, i am almost always the first to leave - like i can’t get out of there quickly enough. i don’t understand why i do it. i feel like i’m cutting of my nose to spite my face, but i cant stop myself doing it. why oh why when i so desperately want to belong do i seem to do my best at running away from it? i just don’t understand.
Anonymous ● 19 July, 2020 ⚓︎
we judge our selfs and are scared of going out because that exposes us to judgement. our self-esteem is low so we are very sensitive to perceived judgement from others creating social anxiety and we stay alone to avoid this. i feel the same as you since i keep isolating myself everytime i fall ill to depression/anxiety again and again. its been too long a stint and now the friendship with the one or 2 friends i did have , feels irretrievable. ive never admitted told them that i have anxiety/depression. i think this is the crux right now . if we were more self-accepting and compassionate to ourselves , we'd give ourselves the chance to be real and honest.
Anonymous ● 20 July, 2020 ⚓︎
i feel you. i feel lonely but also antisocial, so its a really difficult situation to get out of it. you just have to overcome one of the feelings, or the situation would remain worse. altho you needn't necessarily go to social function/gatherings for making new friends, you can try casual places like park, cafe, sports etc.
Anonymous ● 17 September, 2020 ⚓︎
because anxiety makes everything so big and overwhelming. there are many people who are like you who experience feelings of intense uncertainty and dread to what is common tasks (answering the phone, grocery shopping) and then beat themselves up about it. its normal for people with anxiety to experience that, so please be kind on yourself. i think talking to a therapist could help you by giving you resources, tools and a safe place to express yourself. from what i've read you have two goals you want, coping methods for anxiety and building relationships with others. i think its more than possible to achieve that. there are lots and lots of people wanting to get to know you and be your friend!