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feeling like such a mess

posted by 💡5 Tall Leather Plover on 18 October, 2019

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hey i posted a couple weeks ago here, you can see my shitty life story there if you want. just feeling like such a disaster at the moment. ive had a really bad cold the last week and ive had to keep working through it anyway cos we need the money so bad, i'm barely going to be able to put this months rent together. when i was heading to work today i got out of bed and i just felt so weary and tired and unable to do anything and i looked round at our tiny messy flat and then at myself in the mirror looking tired and dirty and wearing old tatty clothes and i just burst into tears. in front of my kids too, they were so kind to me and im so proud of them but i feel so weak and pathetic doing that in front of them. im basically going to have to tell them that we cant really afford to do anything for christmas this year cos money is so tight. ive been trying to quit smoking lately but ive been doing really badly, cigarettes give you easy energy when you feel ground down by everything and its not a good choice i know but i feel like its the only one ive got. ive messed up my life and my kids lives so much by making so many bad choices, i just feel so alone and worthless and like im useless in giving my daughters what they deserve.

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💡5 Tall Leather Plover ● 19 October, 2019 ⚓︎

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thanks for saying that, i hope things get better too. just trying to take every day as it comes but it wears you down so bad.