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i think i'm weak

posted by 💡8 Sound Silky Rose on 29 October, 2019

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im back. again. so i got forced to go to school on sunday again. didn't feel great. i woke up in the morning at 7, then 8, then 9, then when i finally decided to get up even though i didn't want to, i started crying on the spot. i used to be able to hold back my tears and suffer through the pain but now they're coming out more often even when i'm around people. then as i went to eat breakfast after crying, my parents accused me of not waking up early enough for school and i should be forced to wake up earlier. i yelled at them for accusing me of something i didn't do, then ran up to my room because i started crying and i couldn't stop. then monday morning my dad woke up early so he could yell at me for not waking up, even though i explained to him that even if i didn't leave the house earlier than 7:00 to catch my bus, i wouldn't be late for school, but he continued yelling at me every 5 minutes to get up and out of the house. the last thing i heard him say as i walked out the house was "disappear." i wanted to cry so bad but didn't and just bit my lip so i couldn't. i went to school like normal on monday, but when i got on the bus to go home, i got really depressed and realized i didn't want to go home anymore. when i got home i decided to make food and bring it to my room and not leave it till i go to bed, but then i heard my parents come home and i immediately started crying. i'm not thinking suicide thoughts because of this, just sad that my parents went through my stuff and accused me because they didn't trust me and that i'm crying a lot. question is, what should i do? they don't let me do anything anymore unless i tell them and they approve it, but that happens with every family right? more worse things happened today and i hate very day of the week now except tuesdays and thursdays because of my parents.




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💡8 Sound Silky Rose ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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correction, now its tuesday, and the same thing happened again, and now i want to kill myself and destroy things

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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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you're not weak for letting your emotions show. you're also not weak for feeling things, specially when they're appropriated. isn't there any way you can explain them how their actions are making you feel?

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💡8 Sound Silky Rose ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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i've tried but they always yell at me again and somehow manage to turn everything i say against me.

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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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last time, you told me you did something and they couldn't forgive you. do you think that's why they keep treating you like that?

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💡8 Sound Silky Rose ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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most likely, but theres also a high chance they do this because they want to keep up the family looks. i get forced to go to parties a lot and introduced to all these people i don't know and they drag me around to brag to other parents, then when we get home i get yelled at for not smiling enough or for avoiding other people. or when i'm at home and i'm doing homework in my room they yell at me for staying in my room but when i go downstairs my dad tells me to "disappear." honestly theres a lot of things that could be the reason why but i guess the main reason would be that i tried my best to live up their expectations after that event, but they still don't trust me. i probably wouldn't trust myself either and instead avoid me if i was in ther shoes, but them hating me just feels the worst.

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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 29 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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well, it does not matter what their reasons are. they are wrong and there's nothing that can excuse their behavior. most of all, you shouldn't have to put up with it. it's not your fault, you know? there's nothing that justifies a parent treating their child that way.

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💡8 Sound Silky Rose ● 30 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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once again, thanks for the help. at the time i posted my last reply, afterwards i had a fight with my parents about this and there was a lot of bickering. nothing really changed though except my parents getting angry at me. they didn't understand why i didn't want to take extra classes and why i hated them restricting me, and they used the same "do you love me?" trick again like they always do in every fight. it was a waste of my time trying to make them understand when they always say they do it out of love but nothing changes.

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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 30 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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no need to thank me. being aware that something is wrong is the first step towards a change. and you've already done that, so congrats. things will change. they'll get better, no matter how much time it takes.