posted by Anonymous on 26 September, 2019
im sure no one will ever see this or care, but: im already in my 30s, not married, no kids, no job, no income at all for years, no home, not even a shred of grass viewable from my window in a mold & roach infested hellhole of a building i cant afford to leave and can barely scrape the dollars together each month to stay in anymore either.. my teeth are so destroyed its going to cost roughly 30k$ to fix them that i also don't have and haven't been able to smile or eat properly in years even if i could find the mood for either anymore.. i feel people don't understand me and in the past few months my agoraphobia has gotten so bad i don't even leave the room most days anymore.. i cry at the 'drop of a hat' or however that expression goes, and more than anything i just wish i could be happy.. just wake up happy and be happy through the day.. i can't remember the last time that has happened.. i rarely sleep anymore, its just hours and hours of most often soft whimpering and wishing i could change things.. but again ive lost all hope.. if only i was a stronger & wealthier person somehow i could get out of this misery, but the chances of that are like winning the lottery, literally.. ..no one deserves to live like this.. n o b o d y.. what kind of hope is left out there?? is there any that im just not seeing??
i've also seen it and i also care. seems life has given you a whole lot of lemons and you don't have a jar to put the lemonade you should be making. however, no matter what you do, please don't lose hope. as i've said to other people before you, sometimes all it takes is just a small change. life may be hard right now, but it will get better (and i'm pretty sure about that). hope is something you inherently have, a slender light inside of you that sometimes seems to not shine. if you feel you're losing yourself, or losing that little piece of hope you still have, please come here and talk to us. try to find something (or someone) in your life that could act as a lifeguard. try to find someone that can help you make a change, a friend or an institution, and start working on improving your situation. i'm sure you'll work it out and i'm sure that, with some help, you'll find a way to give yourself the life you deserve. in the meantime, know that things take time. and, if things are taking a little more time than what they should, know that it's because what you'll have will be even better than what you're expecting. don't lose hope and remember that, no matter what, you'll always have someone in here that cares about you!
Anonymous ● 26 September, 2019 ⚓︎
well, i've seen it and i care. lets talk this through and see what we can come up with. obviously your life isn't going the way you want, but there is definitely hope, there always is. but, without sugar coating this, you'll have to make some changes in your life. lets focus on each thing in turn, if we break down your problems and tackle each one in turn it might be easier. so you're clearly depressed and that's stopping you really from functioning, so are you on anti depressants and have you been to therapy? if not, i think you should start thinking about going. see what is available on the internet, see if you can claim financial aid for it, and see if there are any informal community support networks of people struggling just like you. seeing you have agoraphobia and so forth, it's going to take a bit of steeling yourself to the difficulty of making the step and doing this, but in the long run you'll feel better for sharing your problems with others who know what you're going through. ok, so next thing is you don't have a job or income. my only advice is, start looking. look for everything you can find on the internet, however little it pays at first - anything is good. and think about what skills and abilities you have that you can put into practice - and believe me, you do have worthwhile skills, everyone does, even if the depression tells you you're worthless, you really aren't . also, what are your outgoings? make a list of everything you spend every month and see if you can cut it down. do you drink or smoke? do you pay for cable tv or anything like that? if so, try to cut as many of these things from your outgoings as possible, i know it might be tough but remember that there is always hope and that this is how you get somewhere. if you have debts, make a list of them and try to put as much as you can save to the smallest one of them every month. they will disappear sooner than you think. as for your teeth, i actually know a bit about that. my fiancé was brought up in massive poverty, and never visited the dentist at all as a child. by the time i met her in her early twenties her teeth were, i guarantee, worse than yours are now, and she had no dental insurance and no money. the way she got out of it was that every state in america has dental programmes full of students who need hands on training before they graduate. look this up, its possible to pay massively less than you'd think by doing it through this way, and everything will be done perfectly by the book too because supervisors check every step. other than that, there are often free or low cost dental clinics for those under a certain income threshold. its tough, i know, and it knocks your confidence, but there are ways through if you look around, trust me. remember that being in your 30s is not old. there is genuinely a lot of time left and it's never too late to start afresh and make changes in your life. i know it sounds scary, but follow these steps and in a years time you'll be feeling better than you are today. depression is a nightmare but try to make it that every day, even if you don't feel great, you've achieved something towards one of these goals, doesn't matter how little it is, just wake up one morning and think to yourself 'i'm going to achieve this today.' and don't get disheartened if it seems like things aren't getting better. all those little things will add up in the end.