posted by Anonymous on 06 February, 2020
i don’t want to die, but i wish my life wasn’t my life. i wish my demons weren’t mine. i wish the events of my past weren’t mine. i wish i could be given some big cosmic do over and just give someone else’s a try. i just really don’t want this one anymore. i know no ones life is perfect. i know everyone has their struggles. im just so tired. some of the things in my life can never be solved, by therapy or medications or anything. they will always be there and will hold me in eternal conflict. someone i love and someone who destroys my soul at the same time. life would be so much easier without emotions.
let's assume that i were a wizard, and with one wave of my magical wand, i could transport you into the picture perfect life of 'another individual'. what does that even mean? if you are in another individual, what is you and what is the other individual? are you wishing to completely merge into another, perfect human being? in this case, you are no more, isn't it? 'your' life doesn't exist, because 'you' don't exist. the other person exists. or are you suggesting that the part of you that is conscious, i.e. your consciousness, should be planted into another human being? so what happens to their consciousness? do they disappear? you don't want to die. great; this tells me that you still have a little bit of oomph left in you. as someone wise said, don't die with the music still in you. please, reflect on what your music is. forget about the past, it is not reality, it exists as a figment of imagination and memory. it is useful only to learn from. maybe your life on paper is tougher than the average person. these 'demons' that haunt you, and disappoint you, and suck the energy out of you, maybe they really are more demonic than anyone else's demons, hence you wanting to be transported to someone else's life. i want you to realize, even if you were transported into the most beautiful body, with the most beautiful partner, with the most luxurious house and car, and perfect children and parents, and loving friends, even then you would not be happy. why? because happiness is a conscious decision. you could have all of this and then you'd want to conquer the stars. as they say, the neighbour's wife is always sexier. okay i made that up :) what you're feeling is a call to action. you must answer this call. when you say, i want a do over, what is it that is stopping you from 'doing' in this life? can you list on paper the things you would do if you were magically granted a 'cosmic' do over? for each item on this list, what is stopping you from achieving it in this life? someone wise once told me, people grow more with pain than they do in pleasure. pain forces one to look around and re-evaluate their bearing. in pleasure, most people just get addicted and lose themselves. this is a call that you want to grow into the best version of yourself. you have confused your environment, your surroundings, your friends, family, status, with life itself. these things are parameters in your life, they are not your life itself. please, sit still and notice yourself breathing, notice your heart beating, notice your digestion process. there is a state of existence where even the most fundamental process of breathing can bring ecstatic amounts of joy. but what stands in our way and this state of existence, is our attachment to the signals from our senses. we confuse what our senses tell us with reality. that is not reality, it is just our perception. feel your breathing, it is reality. feel your toes touching the ground, the sand on the beach, the water, that is reality. your mind will spin all kinds of tales. these tales are just different channels playing on the tv - sometimes the tv has switched to a channel which has productive things to say, other times it is unproductive. if you attach too much importance to your thoughts and emotions, you will become a slave to them. your mind is meant to be a tool, but right now it is over thinking and has turned you into a slave. i recommend you invest in some mindfulness techniques that build your awareness of life. be well my friend :)