posted by Anonymous on 23 January, 2021
i have suffered with major depression for nearly 30 years with suicidal ideations on and off for a lot of that time. but while i had ideations, i never really truely wanted to die. i had some news not long ago that hit me hard relating to my past and for the first time i felt i actually wanted to end my life, but that feeling scared me enough that i didnt. the feeling eased after a few weeks but i am still having flashes of emotion where i very genuinely want to follow through. i know how bad this is and that i need help, but i’m so ashamed. im so embarrassed. i don’t want to admit to anyone how i’m feeling which i’d have to do in order to get help. here is different because no one knows who i am. i don’t know how to get past this. i almost wish my family were gone so i could just do it and get it over with. god this sucks.
hey anon, im so sorry that youve been dealing this since years and something has bothered you more than ever. first of all, please do not feel ashamed about this. you've been fighting a war since years , its possible, the warrior that's you, might feel weaker. since it's sounds very serious, please reach out to therapists, even if its online. they will be of great help. no need to feel bad about needing help. in my opinion, you have been so strong this whole time and might need help to get better. maybe better than before. feel free to chat here as well.. hope you feel much much better soon. have a treat on me, will ya? bear hugs and good vibes to you~