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getting help might make everything worse

posted by Anonymous on 05 August, 2020

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i’m depressed and keep thinking about suicide. i genuinely do not believe i will act on it - it is something i think about a lot, but i know i really don’t want to die. ive seen what it does to those left behind, and i just couldn’t do that to my family. i still keep thinking about it though, to the point that at times it is becoming intrusive. here lies the problem. i love my job/profession. i worked and studied very hard to get there. but - it is a profession with very limited tolerance for mental health issues. if the board/professional body i am registered with got wind of me having suicidal thoughts (even without intention to act), they may take away my registration and i will never be able to work in that profession ever again. i feel like i need help, but if i get help, i could lose my career. if i lose my career, the depression will spiral. i feel stuck. damned if i do, damned if i dont. i really don’t know what to do.

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2 insights

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💡11 Encouraging Sienna Toucan ● 09 August, 2020 ⚓︎

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posting anonymously

i understand your predicament. i feel like it will be best in the long run for you to try and get some help for what you are feeling. depression can easily creep up on people even when they think they have it under control and it sounds to me like you feel a little bit pressured by this whole situation and like you can't confide in anyone, which can only make things worse. the best i can suggest is that you should talk to someone you are close to and who you are sure won't reveal your depression to others especially in your professional body. if you can hand on heart say that you trust yourself never to act on your suicidal thoughts, i don't think you are doing anyone harm by not disclosing it to them for now and trying to deal with things. but it would be best if you talk to a friend or family member who you trust to help you out. your friends and family will care about what you are going through, even if the depression sometimes tricks you into thinking they don't, and i'm sure they will understand the tricky situation you are in. failing that there are ways you can get therapy and so on - e.g. online - with it being discreet. good luck and i hope all goes well.

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💡1 Tall Dotted Cuckoo ● 19 August, 2020 ⚓︎

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posting anonymously

hey. i'm in a similar predicament as you, in that i'm also thinking of getting help, but worried that if people find out about this, especially at work, they'll be concerned i'm not suitable for the job. i've decided i still want to do it though. like the other user said, i'm thinking of something online. there's one platform in particular that seems good. if you're willing to invest, there are some good ways out there to get help discreetly, without other people finding out. i wish you the best on your journey and we may both find what we seek