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how do i start over?

posted by 💡1 Cute Spotted Caterpillar on 04 June, 2022

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i am over 30, single and unemployed. been taking care of my mom for years, she is bed ridden and need help with almost everything. i have been neglecting my needs and future for my mom. i no longer have friends, romantic relationship and i used up all my savings while being unemployed. i dont regret anything because i do it cause i love her. lately, i noticed that i no longer have patience or energy to care for her. sometime i dont even have any sympathy let alone empathy to her pain and struggle. i stopped exercising and stop doing chores around the house. i suddenly feel useless and helpless. i had a bachelors degree and a career prior to taking care of mom. i know i need to start working again because i had no savings left nor spouse to take care of me. i have been looking at job vacancies online. everytime i try to apply for jobs, i get very anxious. im an introvert to begin with, with years of rarely going out and meet people im extremely scared and nervous to go for jobs interviews. im feeling too old and too out of touch. help, i dont know how to start over. im petrified

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Anonymous ● 20 June, 2022 ⚓︎

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you are a good person for caring for another human like you do. that is a noble use of your time, especially as you see it as being at your own expense. however, as you also noted, there is a limit to this ability and it is not your fault that you want to experience what else life has to offer. it's clearly taking it's toll on your mental health and physical wellbeing and it is your right as an individual to find a way to reclaim those aspects of your life which you value and deserve. luckily, i can say you don't need to start over. you haven't stopped growing and 30 is still young. imagine the advice you'd give to a 40 year old going through the same struggles. would you tell them there's nothing out there for them no matter how hard they try? no, of course not! there is an incredible world of experience for you to explore and you can absolutely find a situation where you feel personally satisfied from this point. if i could give some recommendations, i would say first and foremost, find a way to ease some of the burden for caring for your mother. that could be finding a stay at home nurse or taking some risk in going out and finding some alone time. another important thing to note is that much of this burnout your feel is likely because of a dissatisfaction in life circumstance rather than a literal inability to to work. that means you have the leeway to find things you enjoy (for example taking up a hobby which puts you in contact with new people) and i guarantee doing so will net you and even greater bandwidth of energy available. perhaps it would even help in taking care of your mother. all this to say, the only compassionate thing for both you and your mother moving forward is finding things that make you happy. it's not an easy thing to do as you've gotten very good at living essentially on your own, but i believe you have the capability doing all the things you wish you could be doing. it will involve feeling a little uncomfortable, but take heart in knowing as a human being, you have the internal motivation built in as part of who you are to desire and seek out these things which you know you need and that will never go away. best of luck. please do come back if you need any other insights or perspective.