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things can change

posted by 💡1 Constantly Blue Apple on 28 April, 2020

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upfront i would like to apologise to anyone who's reading this since i might be wasting their time and i'm most likely going to come off as ignorant or dumb in general for writing this but i don't really care at this point. i've learned to not care that much what people think about me lately. i've written onto this site about half a year ago or so and have spoken about some of my mental issues and bad tendencies. at the time i wasn't really sure what was causing them but now i realize i was just trying to stray myself away from the truth out of fear for loneliness. most of my issues came from a toxic environment and the people that were within it that i treated like close friends and family. i blinded myself and pretended that everything was fine despite them clearly taking advantage of my naiveness more than a handful of times and overall just me not agreeing with most of their antics. this i'm guessing made me frustrated in a way and i started taking out my frustrations on people around me without even realizing it was my brain trying to tell me to move from them. i probably wouldn't have even moved from them if it wasn't for them transferring to other sectors of my school and the covid outbreak. it gave me time to think and reflect. i still struggle at times to contain myself over minor things but it's very much better than it was 6 months or so ago. i cannot justify my actions that i've described in my previous post but as one comment said, i can only grow from it. i am sincerely sorry for the people i've hurt and have even come come clean to them about what had been going on with me, some of them forgiving me and some of them not being so accepting, which i can understand. i am sincerely sorry to my pets which still for some reason forgive me despite me being a piece of shit and i am sincerely sorry to the people that tried to give me advice on this site and that i didn't listen despite them having the best outcome for me in their mind. i've accepted my mistakes as a human being and decided to move on, i'm still improving myself day by day and so should everyone else.

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💡4 Light Sturdy Bear ● 05 May, 2020 ⚓︎

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the one thing you should remember also is that you are wasting no ones time here, allot of what you wrote means something to others, allot of us cam relate directly to your experience and its incredible you have pulled through and seen the light. we all make some mistakes in life but like you say we are human. although certain situations force us apart, it is not always a terrible thing to be away, in your case you were able to seperate your self to see the light from the dark, you saw that previous actions had negative effects on yourself and others, you have recognised this and acted accordingly, which may i add, allot of people unfortunatly are unable to do. so well done that in its self is an amazing step. i think you may have hit the nail on the head for so many people going through the same if not simular situations and im very sure it will support them in the same way it has you. thank you for sharing your experience and explaining how you managed to support your self for the better and come through the other side. thank you and well done keep up what your doing, it is obviously making a difference in your life!