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depressed but can't talk to family and haven't talked to my doctor

posted by 💡8 Sound Silky Rose on 21 September, 2019

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i know i'm depressed and have been depressed since i was in primary till present high school. i diagnosed myself and have so far been relying on music to cure my blues and suicide thoughts. it has helped so much and i would have been dead since 7th grade if i didn't rely on it. i just need help and maybe someone to talk to. i want tell my doctor but i always do my checkups with my family members so i'm never alone in the room with the doctor. i can't talk to my family about this either because they're the ones who made me depressed. i've wanted to kill myself so many times but always have at least one thought holding me back like whether there's someone waiting for me to get better, or i want to die after i finish my bucket list of things to do in my life. i wanted to try cutting but i didn't want the scars. right now, crying is the only way to help. i cry in the morning, think about crying while on my way to school and during school with a smile on my face acting like i'm fine, but when i get home, i cry so much my eyes swell and my trash can is full of tissues. i'm hoping to get maybe just one or two replies about how to deal with this or some company, but until then, i'll just stick with crying.




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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 21 September, 2019 ⚓︎


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hello there! i will say this in the most blunt manner, but being depressed really sucks, doesn't it? the thing is, not only are you depressed, but you also seem to not being able to get any help because of your family. first of all, i compliment you on the way you use music to cope. unlike self-harm or other options, music is an healthy and clean way to cope with the way you're feeling. i don't know if you're talking about listening to music, about composing or about playing an instrument, but keep doing it (and rock on!). on the other hand, it is important that you find an alternative. if you don't have the opportunity to talk to your doctor, you could try talking to a teacher or the school counselor. find an adult that you trust and try to start this hard conversation. not only are you depressed, but you've also been having suicidal thoughts. when that happens, always tell someone. it is really, really important that you don't feel alone when this happens. so, please, always warn someone (and please remember, there'll always be someone in here who, sooner or later, will answer to your posts). it's really, really hard to deal with this unpleasant thoughts. but the truth is that, if you're alone, things will seem a lot worse. try to get help in any way you can, without putting yourself in an uncomfortable position, and trust me when i say that things will get better (even if, right now, that seems impossible). p.s. on a side note, what kind of music do you listen to?

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💡8 Sound Silky Rose ● 21 September, 2019 ⚓︎


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thanks for the reply. i'm already planning on bringing this up to my doctor eventually and this comment made my day. i might try the student affairs office and tell them about this too. and i listen to mostly songs that have a catchy beat or chorus and usually without swears. if it makes you feel better, 3 of my favorite artists are "ali gate," "alec benjamin" and "ed sheeran."

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💡62 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 21 September, 2019 ⚓︎


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keep that attitude and go for every option you can. the important thing is that you get better. those are all great picks! always keep listening to music as a coping mechanism, it really is one of the best.

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Anonymous ● 03 October, 2019 ⚓︎


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i want to encourage you by first applauding you for your strength. i also want to point out that suicide is never an answer because it is final. “the grass is not greener on the other side but it is where you water it.” please know that there is always so much more to life, and there’s much living to be done in the present and in the future. we all get depressed, and i will argue it is necessary for us as people. what matters is the way we cope with it. i highly suggest journaling in addition to a counselor, particularly if there is also no one you trust close by. daily journaling has helped me be more grateful and i enjoy the very small things in life. life with its mishaps is still beautiful. no matter how ugly the living of life may gift, the gift of life itself is good. its a privilege to live! god is good and loves you! jesus came to save us all and to give us an abundant life!

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👍2 💡11 Little Silver Peony ● 03 November, 2019 ⚓︎


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you need to talk to someone. someone who will be there for you and help you through this, because there will always, always be a through. bad things don't last forever, and i mean this. please, stay strong.