posted by Anonymous on 18 November, 2018
i used to do everything with my mother. it was always her and i, and sometimes my bipolar father would come and visit. last year my parents got a divorce, and now my mother has started to date. now that she started doing this, it makes me feel very depressed and alone. i've stopped enjoying hanging out with my friends ( it was right before my mom started going out ) i spend my weekends hidden away in my bedroom (along with my cat :o) i don't even leave my room a lot. i and my mother are very close and now i just feel distant from her. every weekend we go to stores and stuff like that and now she goes out and leaves me until 12:30 at night. now he starts coming to my house where i accidentally walk in on them. she said would only go out like once a week, but now its become often. my mom says she doesn't want to force him and i's relationship, but i feel like its being forced because shes bribing me to talk to him, shes gave me 200$ and is now starting to bribe me with something i've wanted for a long time, a bird. when ever i confront her about it, she guilts me saying "why don't you want me to be happy? don't i deserve to be happy?" which makes me feel very selfish she also says " your getting older and soon you'll want to go out with your friends" but i'm not even in highschool yet, and i struggle with social anxiety hence, i don't have many friends, which makes me feel unwanted and useless. another thing she says is that " he is very nice can be like a father to you" but i don't want him to be, i just want things to go back the way it was. she often compares me to my father, it just makes me feel so small and a horrible person. im just feeling so alone right now and just want someone just to tell me i'm going to be okay. i want to run away from all my problems, but i cant because of im only 13. i just really wanted to share this because i'm a dire need to talk to someone and i cant tell the few friends that i have because what if they judge me and i don't want to be my friend. last time, i told my friend i just wanted things to go back to the way it was and she shamed me for feeling this way and continued to talk about how happy she for my mom. i know its selfish, that i want it to go back to the way it was.
this is a hard time for you so please be patient with yourself and don't allow anyone to blame you. you are entitled to feel whatever you feel. i am wondering if you might feel comfortable having a "big brother" or "big sister". look it up online and see if that's available in your area. i think your mother might have to give permission for you to have that. just know that you are going to be okay. your mom is probably not fully understanding what you're going through. have you talked to her about how you feel? try to be open to new possibilities too. no one will ever take the place of your father but your mother's friend might be someone you might enjoy spending a little time with. you don't have to love him or even like him, but you could just try to be a little open to the possibility that he might be a friend to you. in the mean time know that you are not alone and that things will get better in time. please be patient. look online under louise hay and try to listen to some of the affirmations she has or look up eft tapping... someone who calls himself tap with brad on youtube… he shows you how you can feel better about yourself and situations by using tapping on certain parts of my head and arms, etc and saying things that bother you...it helps release emotions and change your feelings to more positive ones. you can look up tap with brad and whatever subject you want like for example tap with brad isolation or depression or lonliness on youtube . just know that things will get better but you will have to help yourself some for things to change.
sorry i meant tapping on your head or arms....not mine lol
Anonymous ● 21 November, 2018 ⚓︎
that is a really tough situation. stay strong!
Anonymous ● 21 November, 2018 ⚓︎
this is a big change in your life, it is totally okay to be upset and after the routine you're used to has become disorganized. for you to shy away from these changes is totally natural and it is okay to have time for yourself. just make sure it isn't at the expense of your own health. you don't have to like this new person, but i do think what would be best in any new situation is to be open-minded. i encourage you to embrace some change and try even harder to go out with other people. you and your mom have a tight bond and i promise that won't change for anything. she loves you and always will want only the best for you. like yourself, she is just trying to make the best of a very delicate time in both of your lives. i know you have probably heard this before but you are young. you have time and things will continue to change all your life. you are clearly smart and resourceful and i have no doubt you will face these challenges with grace. if your friends will leave you and judge you for sharing with them, you really need to find better friends. talk to people, join more activities. really try to trust more people and put yourself out there so you can develop more fulfilling relationships. good luck and i wish you all the best.
Anonymous ● 26 November, 2018 ⚓︎
sometimes in life, things change- and that's ok! i would be open with your mother and explain how you're feeling. i would also work with her to see what both you and her want and how you could potentially achieve this. you're both in a transitional stage of life (not a bad thing). you need to see how you can both support each other while also maintaining that love.
Anonymous ● 14 April, 2019 ⚓︎
hey, i get your are going through a hard time now and everything you feel it's okay. at least for me the fact that your mom blames you for wanting to be with her doesn't really help you with feeling lonely, because clearly you two had a very close relationship. you have to know that, just like everybody are a human being and everything you feel is for a reason and probably not even your fault. everybody feels lonely from time to time and from what i read your are in a difficult situation and need to know that things are going to be okay and that it's completely normal to feel everything you feel right now. i'm not really an expert but the least i can give you in form of advice is a video made by qualified researchers, look the video of kurzgesagt on youtube called "loneliness". it's a short video that sort of explains what loneliness is and how to solve it with some advice. for what i think, try to go out and meet people, make friends, and get yourself out of isolation and sadness. maybe work out, ride a bike or anything that can give you a good and healthy mood. maybe not trying to blame your mother help a bit since she seems occupied with other relationship, but don't ignore the fact that you miss spending time with her and that what you feel it's completely normal and human.