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things keep getting worse at home...

posted by 💡4 Constantly Orange Llama on 09 October, 2019

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i dont know what a normal family feels like and it makes me really depressed. my mom and dad got divorced when i was 4 and shortly after that my stepmom came into the picture. she has always played favorites with my brother because he was only 2 when the divorce happened so he looked at her as mom and i didnt. i was always treated different by her and as i got older it turned to neglect, emotional and mental abuse. she would take away my clothes, bed, dresser, desk, etc as punishment for having a bad attitude. i was sleeping on a foam mat and wearing my coaches old cross country shirts because i barely had anything else. i was told that i was the most selfish and self-centered person when i stood up for myself when she called me a "witch" (why not just say bitch??). i was kicked out of the house so many times and usually didnt have a phone with me but there was a time when i did have my phone and she told me to get out but leave the phone and i refused because what if something happened like i was just going to be roaming around the city for the rest of the day because i had nowhere to go and she pinned me to the ground so she could get my phone. she would ignore me for weeks at a time and eventually she gave my dad the choice of either her or me and he chose her. i had no choice to move in with my mom which was great at first but now her and my stepdad are constantly fighting. theyve been like this for years but its worse than ever now. he cheated on her multiple times after promising to never do it again and when she explains the hurt and pain and anxiety that he has caused her he says its stupid right to her face. he thinks that by setting boundaries she is trying to control him. he calls her names and blames his own shit on her. i have a 4 year old sister and im worried about how their fighting is going to affect her in the long run. im worried about myself too. i have very bad anxiety and depression that goes on and off and i have really bad attachment issues. i have sleeping problems and struggle with eating disorders. i self sabotage my relationships and push away everyone close to me and feel like i cant trust anyone. i dont want my sister to end up like me. i feel like since my last post things just keep getting worse and i dont know how im going to get thru the next 2 years till im 18

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💡122 💎2 Delightful Scarlet Jellyfish ● 10 October, 2019 ⚓︎

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hi there! first of all, i'd like you to know how brave you are for standing up for yourself. even when in a situation of abuse, you were capable of confronting the abuser. it isn't normal for people to do that and you deserve a lot of praise for your courage. now, from what i can understand, the main problem right now is your current household. your stepmother may have caused you a lot of harm (and i'm sure she did), but you have to remember it's all now in the past. she's nothing but a bad memory, she can't hurt you anymore. it's obvious she has left you some scars, but all you can do with those is learning how to move on. all you feel about her is valid, and it may affect your present and future life, but you are now the one in control. right now, though, it's your mother's relationship with your stepfather that's causing most of the trouble. it's really, really hard to get caught up in a situation like that. your mom, of course, is feeling hurt and betrayed. your stepfather seems not to understand her feelings. without creating any damage for yourself, you could steer your mom down that difficult path. maybe she also needs help, maybe she needs to vent to someone, or some wise advice. you seem mature enough to help her. but remember that it's not a good idea to help someone if you're not on a good place yourself. define your limits and act within them. the same goes with your little sister, for you can act as a compass in her life. if you see your own situation is getting worse, please try to get some professional help. there's always someone in a position to help, whether it's your family doctor or your school counselor. try to understand how willing you are to seek professional help and, when you think you might be ready, do it. a lot of the things you are experiencing, like anxiety, sleeping problems, eating disorders, etc., are serious issues. although there's always someone in here if you need to let off some steam, it's important that you get help from someone who is qualified to do it. i could tell you that 2 years are nothing. and it's true, 2 years are a tiny period of time. however, 2 years in suffering are not nothing. they are a lot. and you deserve to find a solution to all this. things will get better. they will. and, whenever you need, we're here to listen. just try to hold on and remember that it's okay to ask for help.