posted by 💡3 Simple Round Rose on 25 March, 2019
it's been getting worse, to the point were i had a whole dispute in my head trying to even type this. i was in a crowed trying to get on the bus, and i started shaking hard. someone stopped me to ask if i was okay not knowing it would make things worse. i don't know how to handle it anymore
Anonymous ● 25 March, 2019 ⚓︎
social anxiety usually is a fear of people. not just people, but their judgments of you. i think that knowing the reason for you having it and knowing it's a normal reaction based on things that may have happened in the past, is important. as humans, we are social creatures. this means that back in caveman times, we relied on others for our survival. if you broke your connection to someone in a group or were looked at unfavorably (negatively judged), then that would literally mean death. you lost your connection to a group, they'd leave you alone. they left you alone, your chances of dying skyrocketed. technology advanced, and so did civilization, but our core make-up as a species didn't. we still are a social species. we still feel the same ways we did before modern times. connection is still as important to us. all of this in mind, it would make total sense that you would get social anxiety. if someone in your household disapproved of you, as a little kid you rely on your parents and family to take care of you. if you don't somehow adhere to the family / societal norms, you don't get taken care of. if you don't get taken care of, you die. so if someone disapproves of you (negatively judges you), this is actually a huge deal. and if people chronically disapproved of who you really were and what you really wanted (or even neglected you), then you had to be on top of what those who took care of you wanted from you or of you. in a crowd of strangers it is not as easy to tell what they want from you as it was from your family or cultural group. since you can't tell what they're thinking of you, your brain signals you that you are going to die because they'll leave you alone. and some part of you never really felt connected to anyone. so it's like that fear of getting abandoned to die keeps replaying over and over in your mind. it emotionally affects you. all of this said, it makes total sense that you feel it. there's nothing wrong with it, and there's nothing wrong with you. expecting yourself to 'handle' it would actually be quite cruel, because it is impossible to tell what every single person from every single background could be thinking. all in all, the best step i think you could take is to recognize that you don't need to take any steps. it's that your situation is completely understandable and makes total sense.
Anonymous ● 25 March, 2019 ⚓︎
thanks for stopping by. we're all happy you're here
i don’t jnow much of social anxiety but i suffer from anxiety and was taught the sensory list as a coping skill- 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you could tast/imagine tasting - it has helped me a lot. not sure if this would be useful to you in your situation.