posted by Anonymous on 21 June, 2020
i know pretty much exactly how i would take my own life. from the method, to the location, the note and even the music i would play. i know where i would source everything i need/want. i have all but planned every single detail. i don’t think however that i could ever actually kill myself. i know the circumstances under which i think i could (losing my entire family and being left literally on my own), but short of that, i have no actual intention to die. is it normal to have these thoughts without intent? does anyone else do this? i wish i had someone to talk to in person about this, but the second you bring up the s word everyone starts freaking out and treating you differently.
no, it is most certainly not normal. this is a common step for those close to suicide and is a clear indicator you need treatment. you say you'd never act on it now, but with your knowledge and rumination it suggests to me if whatever you're suffering from gets worse suddenly you could act on it before you get help. please, please, please talk to someone. a professional preferably. the reason people might treat you differently is because they're concerned for you. if it's nothing, fine, nothing lost. but from what i understand about how suicide works, it definitely worth getting checked out. and keep talking to us. it's so good for you to get your thoughts organized like this.
personally, i dont believe it's abnormal to think about it. intrusive thoughts happen to everyone. sometimes while i hold a fork or a knife, i wonder about what it would be like if i gouged out my right eyeball. i now that sounds really odd, and of course i would never do it nor do i wish any harm on myself. despite that, the thought remains. ultimately, my point is that it isn't abnormal to have thoughts like these, and it is instead the thoughts we act upon that define us.
Anonymous ● 21 June, 2020 ⚓︎
i don't think there's anything wrong with thinking about it. i did for a long time. as long as these thoughts don't dominate your life, and you are active and involved in other pursuits, what you think about is your business. if you're sitting around letting life pass you by while you contemplate your death, that really is a problem and a waste of time. because you deserve better things.