posted by Anonymous on 21 June, 2020
i know pretty much exactly how i would take my own life. from the method, to the location, the note and even the music i would play. i know where i would source everything i need/want. i have all but planned every single detail. i don’t think however that i could ever actually kill myself. i know the circumstances under which i think i could (losing my entire family and being left literally on my own), but short of that, i have no actual intention to die. is it normal to have these thoughts without intent? does anyone else do this? i wish i had someone to talk to in person about this, but the second you bring up the s word everyone starts freaking out and treating you differently.
personally, i dont believe it's abnormal to think about it. intrusive thoughts happen to everyone. sometimes while i hold a fork or a knife, i wonder about what it would be like if i gouged out my right eyeball. i now that sounds really odd, and of course i would never do it nor do i wish any harm on myself. despite that, the thought remains. ultimately, my point is that it isn't abnormal to have thoughts like these, and it is instead the thoughts we act upon that define us.