posted by Anonymous on 23 February, 2020
lately i been having suicidal thoughts. i've tried to ignoring them but it keeps getting worse.i almost acted upon it by self harming. sometimes i would hyperventilate randomly with these rushing thoughts of insecurity. me binge eating doesn't help either.im losing interest in things i normally like doing and i'm procasinatinate a lot . i think i need help
it can seem daunting to have these types of thoughts, and i can totally understand why they would make one hyperventilate. please remind yourself that they are *just* thoughts, they are not *you*. you have a choice *not* to act on the thoughts. you've done the right thing by being courageous enough to express your need for help on this forum. i know it seems like a massive feat to overcome these thoughts, and be able to think of living a satisfying, happy, blissful life. but i promise you that such a state exists. maybe you've just fallen down a tad harder than the average person, which means (as you've rightly recognized) you need someone knowledgable to help you get back up on your feet. please find a trained individual who can work with you. again it can be a daunting process, but as someone who has a therapist himself, i can tell you that it is sooo cathartic when you can be completely honest and unabashedly yourself in front of a professional who can tell you why you're feeling the way you do! it's like having someone look right through you, only, they're not there to judge you, but rather make you enlightened about how to solve your problems. they act as a mirror reflecting you back to you, so you have a better idea of why you're feeling the way you do. it's important for you to know how you got to this place where you're having these thoughts, because once you do that, you'll feel 1) a weight lifted because you're no longer scared of the unknown and 2) a worthy soul because you know you are not responsible for half the shit that happens to you and 3) a more productive system to lead a happy, satisfying life. my sister tried to end herself, but immediately regretted it and called a family member for help. i was horrified that it got to as far as it did, but i am glad that we had the opportunity to help her in time. with work and support she is in a *much* better place.. she has a job, she's living by herself now, she even takes care of my other sister. i know at least 2 other people who have had such experiences. if you walk away with one thing from reading this, let it be this: your life is a gift; currently your tv (your thoughts) is playing an unproductive channel, and because you can't find the remote, you've been misled to think this channel can never change. you just need a little bit of help finding the remote (from someone who knows better), and once you do, it'll open up a completely new, enchanting world as you discover the gifts you have been given, and how to develop these unique gifts into the best version of yourself! i wish you best :)
Anonymous ● 25 February, 2020 ⚓︎
what a nice reply! i'm not the op but what you said meant a lot to me thank you
hey there! i want you to know how brave of a person you have to be to admit having suicidal thoughts. unfortunately, being suicidal is something that still comes with a lot of stigma. being suicidal myself, my response isn't going to be about self-overcoming, self-improvement and so on. i don't want you to lose hope, because being suicidal is, in no way, a death sentence. it's something you can work on, something you can live with. however, my most urgent recommendation is that you find a professional that can help you with your thoughts. don't neglect talking to a friend or to a family member, i encourage you to do that if you feel comfortable doing so and if you think that'd help you. nevertheless, finding professional help so you can get a diagnosis is the first step for you to take. after that, you'll engage in some form of treatment (all treatments are unique and adapted to the patient, you won't have to do anything you don't want to and your therapist/doctor will present you with all the options you have), you'll be taught prevention techniques, and you'll learn how to manage your thoughts and your impulses. if you're currently having any doubts about talking to someone about it, let me assure you that it is the right thing to do. it's hard, it's something that'll take some of your energy, but it'll make it better. please, don't lose hope. mellowtalk will always be here if you need to vent, but it doesn't count as a substitute for real professional help. stay strong!