posted by Anonymous on 18 August, 2020
hey there, hope today's treating you well, ^^ [brief sui/suicide bait warning] also, i just finished a session with a listener on 7cups, and honestly, it was so disappointing to be flirted with, not even be listened to, asked where i am from, how long i am/was a 7cups listener, then have him completely stop without even addressing how i am feeling, with some apologies, though his actions didn't match up, and he judged my friend, then gave me advice, and... that was truly underwhelming. i used to do blahtherapy then totally stopped after being suicide baited twice, as well as having to try to prevent someone from killing themselves, then found 7cups and usually its... just... not... good... i feel like i've had poor luck, even on mellowtalk, as one of the listeners basically was like me too, and using the upside-down/smiley and i felt it was passive-aggressive, and i wasn't even heard, basically, i think i'm just saying, it would be nice to just have a listener be gentle, interested, validating, easygoing, fair, and above all, try to be empathetic without giving you advice unless asked or judged in any way... thank you to anyone who read this n' listened, i appreciate it, ^^ tl;dr: i've had some poor experiences on this site, blahtherapy, and 7cups, though, i hope to have a good listener online one day, n' thank you for your listening,
sorry you've had such bad experiences with online listening :( i wouldn't bother with blahtherapy at all if i were you. it seems that too many people both as listeners and venters are really there as trolls/baiters. there are some nice people too but it's too unpredictable. as for 7cups i generally find it a bit better but the listeners are again a mixed bag to be honest. i think it's better with that one to use the 'browse listeners' function to choose someone for yourself to match with, you can often tell by how much thought they've put into their description whether they are likely to be a helpful and non-judgmental person. again there's trial and error involved though. and this site is nice but i wish it were more active :) i wish you the best of luck finding someone who will listen to you better. you're welcome to post what you're going through on this forum and we will listen.
Anonymous ● 19 August, 2020 ⚓︎
thank you for your sympathy, i appreciate it, i hear where you are coming from and i feel that i have experienced the same... though, thank you for the listeners' tip for 7cups, as well as trying to see their descriptions, and for your thoughtfulness, and wanting to listen, i appreciate it, and of course, i find this site to be nice, and comforting too, i do wish it got more positive attention as well, and thank you for wishing me the best of luck, i wish the same for you, and thank you for welcoming me to talk about anything here too, <3
Anonymous ● 19 August, 2020 ⚓︎
i won't comment on any other sites, but the listeners on mellow talk are very sincere in their effort to help people. that's my experience, anyway. they are not required to be psychologists. they are not paid. they volunteer. anyone can do it, even people who are not suited to it. if you are in any way disrespected during a conversation, you can disconnect. you don't have to put up with that. i would just say, look what you are asking for. "... gentle, interested, validating, easygoing, fair, and above all, try to be empathetic without giving you advice unless asked or judged in any way." perhaps if you didn't arrive with a list of requirements, you'd have a better experience with online therapy. maybe you could be more easygoing and fair with the listeners. they aren't perfect, but they're trying to help.
Anonymous ● 19 August, 2020 ⚓︎
i hear where you are coming from, i imagine i will have to give it another try if needed! that is true that they are not psychologists or licensed therapists, necessarily in any way, and that they are unpaid, volunteering is kind, and comes from a wish to help, i believe and thank you for reminding me i can simply disconnect, i honestly forget i can do that, i see what you mean, those are just hopes for me for an ideal listener, though i seldom use other sites as i am thankful i am able to have a therapist, although sometimes i try to connect in-between sessions if needed, thank you for reminding me the good in what other listeners want to do and i want to share that i do not expect any of the listeners to be "gentle, interested, validating, easygoing, fair, and above all, try to be empathetic without giving you advice unless asked or judged in any way"; though it is just a wish that i would hope to be treated with and what i strive to do when i am a listener on 7cups/blahtherapy/mellowtalk, i understand that it is not a requirement, though i get what you mean, thank you for your time and i appreciate it, as well as your input too, <3
this is such a great thing to discuss, and i really respect you for posting this. i think it addresses the elephant in every help-chat, not every listener is really there to listen and as much as people here protest that mellow talk is different its not in a different realm and it can definitely be poisoned like the other sites. i too have had bad experience on every help-chat. its why i primarily like to listen, i was actually a huge blahtherapy listner a few years back when it wasn't being abused. y'know i think we have to realize as a society that there are vastly different types of people out there. some people wake up in the morning and they need to hurt others, its a fundamental objective for them and although it is rare to meet these people in real life its relatively easy for them to exist on the internet and reach people through these sites. there's also people who are hurting so badly that they think the only way to expel it from their existence is to hurt others. and then there are people who are truly trying to help, and i think there are a lot of people like this, who can't communicate the way the venter needs to be communicated to. i know as an active listner i don't like to give advice, i don't want to make you guys feel better by slapping some words over a gushing emotional wound. i know that doesn't help in the long run, i know i'm not equipment to be giving advice because i don't know if what i think of the situation is going to help in the long run. its easy to tell someone "well don't work yourself up", but its not an easy thing to apply and do when you're somone who suffers anxiety and don't know the tools to stop your mind from going into circles. right? thats a counteractive thing to say to someone like that but people generally want to say it. i think to as a listner the absolute worse thing for me is thinking i didn't really help, i wasn't a positive outlet to the venter and i always want to improve and make it better but there are times where i worded something right, or i didn't reply in a timely fashion, or i thought i had time to be a listener and it turn out i didnt and i had to go and i know that hurts the other person even when its not intentional. it hurt the other person because they didn't feel heard, validated, or that their issue isn't big enough to take up any space in a world that is falling apart. that's wrong. people shouldn't have to feel insignificant, as a listner i should understand that if i'm not in the right headspace i shouldn't be trying to be a listener. like another commenter has said, if you feel like your listener isn't guinely there to listen please disconnect. i feel it can be hard for the venters to take that step because they feel like finally someone is listening to them, they don't want to disconnect because they don't want to keep explaining the situation. i get it, i've been there but we have to give permission to ourself to be like, nah these listners aren't jamming with me i need to disconnect. its totally reasonable, i've had to remind myself to do that too.