posted by Anonymous on 06 January, 2020
my parent thinks i'm useless and i know that already but it hurts so bad. i just think its better for me to not exists. i have everything pent up inside and i know it's not good but what can i do. i'll never be good enough. not for myself, not for parents nor for anyone. i am not brave enough to end this but i am so tired of felling bad about everything. i just want everything to end
life is an infinite game my friend; you don't choose to play, you're invited. you are a life, teeming with gifts - whether you are aware of it. right now, as you sit here, as you read this, miracles are happening within you, isn't it? is it not a miracle that you're breathing right now, and oxygen is being absorbed into your lungs and then your blood, which distributes it to the rest of you body? and somehow, this biological process results into this idea of 'i', that can sit here and read and comprehend. there is an order in your system that nourishes each cell, supplies it with the necessary conditions for it to remain alive, and eventually reproduce. who is conducting this orchestra? are you doing it consciously? no, you are unaware of it, but still in the background an ordering force governs your body and sustains it. despite this wonderful magic happening within ourselves, our minds want to focus more on the unproductive stimuli that our environment feeds us. this is not how we are as kids, isn't it? as kids we felt the full force of life; we followed our curiosity, we felt joyful when our mothers held us, when our fathers fed us. maybe we cried when our siblings teased us. but somewhere along the line our minds starting focusing on the negativity that seeped into us through our senses. over time, we trained our minds (unconsciously) to pay more attention to these negative thoughts, and gradually, over time, this negativity started to cloud the light of our inner being. you don't control what other beings choose to communicate to you through your senses! you have the choice to control your environment, and arrange it in such a way that only good things come to your senses; but even then you are not responsible for what other beings choose to inject into you through your senses (visual, auditory, touch etc). i want you to just sit still, and notice: you are not the stimuli that your environment is supplying you! you are not your thoughts or emotions! you are not your senses! if you were your senses, if you were your thoughts or your emotions, then who is the one perceiving these thoughts or emotions?? now tell me, how would it be 'brave' to end this life? you've been invited to play a game, and you've been given some resources: a body, an energy that animates it, and the potential to develop gifts that you can express into the world! you say you are useless, and that your parents agree; let me ask you instead, what would make you (and only you) feel useful? would it be helping the homeless? or teaching what you know to the uneducated? or putting yourself through school to become a lawyer or doctor? what is it? please, answer this for your own sake, and then set about to accomplish it! prove to yourself that you are not useless! what you are is an opportunity. not all beings have this opportunity. a dog is incapable of learning languages, or teaching. even other human beings may not have the opportunities that you uniquely have, through the experiences that make you uniquely you. so the question is not whether you are useless or useful. the question is, what is stopping you from transforming yourself into the highest possibility?