posted by Anonymous on 17 March, 2020
hello its been some time now that i have been struggling , dragging myself and failing in my studies. ive finished it now with a lot of help from my sister. i just feel like a very incapable person and not very well adjusted to life. i seem to have lost the will to care about myself my health . i cant see i bigger picture or have any enthusiasm for being healthy i literally dont care about myself anymore , i dont know why i dont feel confident or want to take any direction inlife . there is anxiety and avoidance holding me back too please , any suggestions on how i can find the will to move forward and start caring about things again? i just want to hide away in life, but i feel like it keeps me as a regressive person and soon it will become obvious to others that i am like that. i fear the shame that will come as i get even older and further regressed but at the same time i really dont want to move. i dont want to face life, yet being in a daze , foggy feels like it is unhealthy especially with the way that i am feeling uncaring
hey there! i'll start by telling you how brave you are for speaking up about the way you've been feeling. sometimes it's really hard for people to admit that something is wrong and taking that first step is pretty important. now, i'd like you to have a good look at your life. i understand you've been struggling, you've been having those feelings of hopelessness. what do you think could be making you feel that way? was there any recent change in your life that could be having an effect on you? it's important to begin at the beginning. always feel free to come here and talk about what's bothering you.
Anonymous ● 17 March, 2020 ⚓︎
the beginning .. i think its anxiety in that im too scared to make my own choices and live with them so i choose to avoid and isolate when im isolating , my self esteem is low and i dont live in a normal way - i think the stress/shame which i cant handle and i try to distract myself and cope by consuming things mindlessly and addictively. all the while i go deeper into a meaningless hole its been happening again and again until i set myself onto something the last thing that i did set myself onto doing - a vocational degree- i struggled with so much and dragged through, even had to take extensions and in the end i couldnt complete it without the help of a family member. so no i just feel lost and that i didnt actually have any personal growth or build any new abilities in that. i feel like tha was a failure and now i dont know what to do next
first of all, it's okay to ask for help when you're struggling. having to resort to your sister to finish your degree is not, in any way, a sign of weakness. it's always okay to ask for help if you feel like you might need it, it doesn't take any credit away from you. you don't need to do something on your own for it to be an opportunity of personal growth, you can benefit from others' involvement. even if you think you didn't learn anything from getting that degree, i bet there was something - a particular skill, a peculiar information, maybe even a life lesson. from what i could understand, you live in fear of making choices, because you don't want to deal with the consequences your choices may bring you. however, the simple fact of not making those choices is enough to stress you out and to bring you shame. and, most of all, you feel that's a vicious cycle, right? without wanting to meddle in your life, without trying to interpose, may i ask if you're currently doing something post-degree? if so, how are you adjusting to it? if not, are you currently looking?
Anonymous ● 18 March, 2020 ⚓︎
hello again, the days post-degree i have fallen back into apathy and hiding away. i really need to get some self-awareness and start fighting off my tendency to do that because its builds a higher level of anxiety and maladjustment the longer i stay away from doing what a normal functioning person would. i have barely left the house for 4 months and being outside again, being seen , i am going to feel on edge. i do need to start building myself up to be healthy again and adjusted to begin a working life if i stay as i am, my self-esteem ( the apathy) will remain . sometimes - like the whole of today- i have just lay in bed listening to youtube for comfort and distraction to lull myself to sleep again, not leaving my room or doing anything , even small things are not tended to. i need to start going outside again and sorting my personal appearance out eventually meet people who i have avoided i literally have turned into a malajusted hermit again and its scary coming out of it and realising the mess ive turned into. maybe things arent as bad as they seem to me , though i think i am only feeling better now because it is the evening time . day time really makes me feel nervous and exposed thank you for your attention and reply to what i wrote
your self-awareness is, by far, admirable. you can perceive what's wrong and you can understand that something has to change. those are, in reality, the first steps to begin with. my advice to you is doing that one step at a time. right now, you feel trapped in that foggy situation, incapable of adjusting. however, you also manifest a strong desire to change (it doesn't matter if it's stronger at evening, it's still inside you). your desire to change is the fuel you need to take, without wearing it out on the first tries. start small, like going out for a walk for half an hour, and then start adding 15 more minutes each passing week. this is, of course, an example. you have to be the one to set your own boundaries, to make your own arrangements. i'm not gonna lie, you'll have some troubles with whatever you decide on doing and maybe you'll fail once or twice. but it doesn't matter, as long as you keep going. it's okay to fall back into a detrimental situation if, somehow, you manage to make it out of there even stronger. whenever you need it, i'm here to listen.