posted by Anonymous on 16 May, 2020
hello, this might be long .. ive had anxiety for almost a decade now and i still feel continually worried and pessimistic about my future and who i am today. i'm 28 with the anxiety , it's become quite a big part of who i am and shaped a lot of my unfulfilling decisions life. a lot of my 'decisions' in reality evade challenges and i withdraw a lot from people and things that may have made me more confident / experience life better , more bravely. i've just completed a mental health nursing degree , which dragged on due to the extensions i had. i idealistically thought this would be a fulfilling and meaningful line of work for me . the reality is i suffered a lot during the course , fell into many ruts and did not develop the qualities and confidence i hoped i could be , to be a useful and positive person in the world . i'm too scared to start working as a mental health nurse and especially because the last 7 months or so i have been out of touch and in a big anxiety hole , withdrawn from life while completing my dissertation. it's finished and i scraped a pass but my mental health and whole identity is shaken over . it has prooved to me that i can't actually look after my own mental health , that i don't have the solutions or know the way to keeping myself well. this has been happening for years .. so ultimately i feel a fake and that i don't have the real qualities required to be a mental health nurse . i don't know what to do. i don't look forward to being stuck in low end , low pay busy work yet on the otherside mental health nursing is notoriously stressful and burnout may be likely for me . i wish i made better choices earlier in my life that looked after me and enabled me to become more resilient and independent . i just didn't know how.. and still don't . i would appreciate any constructive advice and thank you for reading and understanding
hi there! first of all, congrats for that degree! it is a terrific achievement and i think it should be something to make you really proud. you had to go through a lot to finally graduate, which makes it a unique experience, even if it's not the one you were hoping for. unfortunately, i understand how you're feeling. i'm currently finishing my degree and i can't help deeming myself spurious for not having learnt the necessary skills for my career. you say you're too scared to work as a mental health nurse because you can't look after your own mental health. however, one thing has nothing to do with the other and, even if you can't keep yourself well all the time, you can be perfectly capable of helping others. i understand you're feeling insecure, and yes, burnout is a terrifying reality and might be even closer if you don't look after yourself, if you don't develop some shields. anxiety is a life-long condition: you can learn how to deal with it, but you can't get rid of it. feelings of helplessness will always come to the surface, but that's alright as long as you have the power to drown them. start small, step by step, and try to face your fears. instead of evading, try to step into that uncomfortable situation at least once. i advise you to do this on a personal level, but also on a professional one. you'll soon start working, but you won't have the same experience as others who are already working and that's perfectly okay. experience is something you gain, even when doing the smallest tasks. nothing will be handed to you and you'll have to cultivate your own resilience. you'll be asked to take care of others, but never forget you're also worthy of being taken care of. there will always come a time when you need help. don't be afraid of asking for it!
Anonymous ● 16 May, 2020 ⚓︎
"i've just completed a mental health nursing degree..." wow! congratulations! despite setbacks and confusion, you did something that most people could not do. that's fantastic! please try to take a look at what you have accomplished. it is very encouraging. you are not a fake. you had a goal and you fulfilled it. i'm proud of you! i hope you will feel some pride in yourself.
Anonymous ● 23 May, 2020 ⚓︎
i really thought that by doing the whole course, i could learn how to cure myself and be useful person to others. how wrong i was . i still feel so depressed now and useless , like i don't have control of how things can go well . i'm a slave to anxiety and depression . i feel so ashamed of my bingeating . i can't control myself . i don't know how i'll ever have a healthy balanced life and actually be happy with myself