👍4 💡83 Big Boy Ben

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🎂 08 June, 2017

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posts by Big Boy Ben

a note on new post etiquette from the admin
06 June, 2019
no insights yet
chat times have been removed
16 September, 2018
1 insight

insights from Big Boy Ben

not answering question
17 August, 2019
⚓︎ sometimes there aren't people on. most of the questions get answered eventually

weed boy
25 July, 2019
⚓︎ beep beep

big boy ben appreciation post
25 July, 2019
⚓︎ my pleasure ;)

weed boy
19 July, 2019
⚓︎ what

no match!
17 July, 2019
⚓︎ sorry about that :( we're still a growing site so there will be some periods where people won't be on. i made this little forum if you want some feedback from people without having to talk one-on-one.

stop deleting
07 July, 2019
⚓︎ i don't remember the exact context, but when i deleted the post i felt like it wasn't clear enough for people to respond to. i'll make more of an effort to consider posts outside the realm of mental health

stop deleting
07 July, 2019
⚓︎ when i delete things it is because it is either off-topic, too vague, or is not actively asking for insights. feel free to provide constructive feedback here

i am done
05 July, 2019
⚓︎ we are always here to talk. did something bring you to this? are you talking to anyone about your feelings and intentions? just in case, if you ever start considering suicide please call a number here: https://mellowtalk.com/resources#suicide

hard to say
17 June, 2019
⚓︎ this post is is very much against the spirit of the forum, but i'll leave it up because i see it as a teachable moment. i work in an addiction clinic, i do research on addiction, and i'm a neuroscience and psychology student so i have a bit of an alternative perspective on this issue. i agree, at first it may seem counterintuitive to view people who've taken drugs and become addicted to them as deserving all the respect that people in general deserve given their circumstance. however, it's important to remember that all people should see empathy just by the nature of being fellow conscious beings who feel fear and pain and love and happiness. to label them all as "addicts" who don't require our sympathies is extremely dehumanizing and dismissive of the very real problems they face. while taking the drug may be a choice, stopping is very much out of their hands. there are fundamental brain changes which occur as a result of taking a drug like cocaine or heroin that make it increasingly difficult to taper off. as a person takes a drug like this, their reward centers are thrown so far from baseline that the only craving their brain sees as a reasonable goal is pursuing more of the drug. and of course, as someone takes more of the drug this reward pathway (dopaminergic if you're curious) becomes even more likely to convince a person the best way forward is to take the drug, forming a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to break out of. but you might say that this might all be true, however it is on the person who is struggling with substance abuse problems because they're the one who decided to take the drug anyway. and sure, this is a valid thought, but often times it's not as straightforward as all that. many substance abuse users live in poverty, some in abject poverty, and nearly all have comorbid mental health issues. they have poor education on the effects of these drugs and took them without the help or resources to get off them all while in a culture conducive and enabling of their use. it's an incredibly hard situation to be in and drugs seem like the easy answer to their problems in the short term. wealthier people who take them and get addicted to them who know the possible ramifications show similar symptomologies as poorer people. many start on prescription drugs and develop a dependence. some use alcohol first and add on opiate use as they progress. either way, they are also using it because of extreme circumstances whether that be to escape the real world due to mental health issues or simply because a doctor prescribed one too many pills. even if the person if fully educated and seeked out the drugs themselves out of curiosity and had no comorbidities or mental health issues (this is type of case is so rare is almost doesn't happen), they still deserve our sympathy because they're a person and people deserve kindness. nobody is "above" drug abuse. in the right circumstances it could happen to anyone. it could happen to you too. nobody starts out with the intention of getting addicted. it just happens and then you can't stop. and i can assure you, nobody wants to be dependant on a drug. all the people in mental hospitals and detox clinics don't check in seven separate times because they're degenerates that don't know good from bad. it's because they've developed a mental health disorder that is extremely hard to kick. not to mention the resources for substance abuse victims are so abysmal it's difficult to get them help in the first place. i only hope that the next time you see someone sleeping on concrete or see a news report on opiate deaths in the united states that your first thought isn't "these people are losers." maybe instead try "i wish i could do something to help." because even those who've hit rock bottom are entitled to the respect that all humans deserve.

i really need help
13 June, 2019
⚓︎ thank you for sharing with us here. just by doing so it demonstrates to me you have the capacity to both help yourself out of this and open yourself up to more people. first thing to understand: there are plenty of good people out there you can talk to. while this isn't an lgbt support forum, there are several gay members here who also have struggled with their orientation and gender identity. it isn't easy living as a transgender person in this day and age but you're far from being alone in this struggle. my best recommendation is just telling the people who you trust. if they're true friends, they will understand. it's an incredibly hard thing to do and the vulnerability can be so painful, but i guarantee you'll come out of it feeling better in some shape or form. it's a hard step to take, but i can promise that every move in the right direction gets easier. it's possible for you to live happily and feel comfortable with yourself. it'll take some work, but you can do it. and you will. thank you for being strong enough to share with us. what i would recommend to everyone experiencing such mental distress is to see a professional as soon as you can to to develop some good coping skills through cognitive behavioral therapy. if that isn't an option right now i understand but you might find it beneficial to have someone to confide in without judgement. i wish you all the best. take care.

to seek or not
03 June, 2019
⚓︎ i respect your opinion, but the reason i recommended professional help was because that person kept coming back repeatedly over a period of weeks seemingly with the inability to let go of the problem. this dwelling and ruminating suggested to me that there could be an underlying issue beyond what is expressed in the post. if the person was experiencing chronic anxiety relating to their actions, there is no shame in consulting a professional to help alleviate that.

continue to dwell or learn from it
22 May, 2019
⚓︎ you've asked this question three times. the fact that you continue to ruminate over the test suggests there is a separate underlying emotional issue at play. the cheating is not a big deal, but how you're handling it is. if you find yourself falling back on past issues often to the point that it bothers you in everyday life, i would seek some professional consultation for this issue, if just to rule out some other reason for this anxiety.

happy vent! :0
08 May, 2019
⚓︎ well i made the site so that i have an easy, safe place where i can talk to people who need it. it makes me so happy that other people have been coming on and talking too. i'm always happy to help!

happy vent! :0
07 May, 2019
⚓︎ congratulations and thank you for the kind words :) good luck with your treatment. we'll always be around if you need support.

should or shouldn’t dwell for cheating on dmv drivers ed quiz
27 April, 2019
⚓︎ you've already asked this question and gotten some good responses: https://mellowtalk.com/insights/171337534427 no point in dwelling on it.

i have a voice but i can't talk. i don't know why
21 April, 2019
⚓︎ no contact info please.

psychopathic thoughts of violence
18 April, 2019
⚓︎ everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time. some can be quite violent and still be in the range of normal. however, if these thoughts either begin to affect your quality of life or you ever consider acting on them for real, it is time to seek help. it sounds like it might be the former more than the latter in your case. a lot of times these things can manifest as the result of other pre existing disorders, for example extreme emotionality (like intrusive violent thoughts) to counter flat depressive thoughts or feelings of helplessness. another reason could be because you feel insecure or disenfranchised and this is a way to feel more empowered in your own life. either way, it is good to recognize and talk about these things. i would recommend talking to a professional even just once to gauge if this is truly a symptom of something else of if it is actually within the realm of normality.

regular visitor
14 March, 2019
⚓︎ sometimes i'll drop in

i love cutting, and i'm getting better
02 March, 2019
⚓︎ it sounds like you keep coming back here for sympathy and that's okay, we can supply it, but you can't really pretend like it's a good thing to do this to yourself. you know deep down it is very dangerous and extremely detrimental to your health to disfigure yourself like this and to say otherwise is an incredible delusion. rather than suggest you stop cutting altogether this time, i suggest you ask yourself why you make these posts. you know people will tell you to stop and reach out because of the risk involved, so why do you crave that so much? everyone needs validation sure, but most people aren't willing to vent about cutting themselves in order to get it. is it because you don't have that validation in everyday life? do you feel like you're lacking people that care and reach out and love you? i promise if you look hard enough you will find them. there are wonderful methods of support available if you'd like to seek them out. check out mellowtalk.com/resources for some examples. everyone has issues in life. different people struggle with some issues more than others and that's fine. but this is a bad way to deal with yours. on mellowtalk we care about you. i know i do. so please don't make us feel sad because a member of our community is making deeper cuts and pretending like things are getting better. take care.

i think i look up to cutting
24 December, 2018
⚓︎ hello, there. thanks for seeking help. you already know cutting is not okay, that's why you're here. even though i know it makes you good for a number of reasons, you really have to try for your own health and safety. in the immediate future, try snapping a rubber band on the wrist to get that instant shock in a less long-term way. that said, even if you stop cutting you can't just dismiss the issue. you should really start looking into to the cause of the self-harm, as it is likely a symptom of a more dangerous mental health problem. you aren't broken and you can certainly recover, but healthier coping mechanisms than pain have to be found for your own wellbeing. please seek professional help if you can and if you ever need an additional place to vent, you will always find friends here. i wish you the best of luck. take care.

28 October, 2018
⚓︎ in addition feel free to come back here anytime, we are always ready to talk. it can always get better.

28 October, 2018
⚓︎ hey no matter what you may think this is not normal and you need to seek immediate help for this issue. please check out the support page for resources: mellowtalk.com/resources

i'm new here
16 September, 2018
⚓︎ hello! all you have to do is visit the front page and select "listener" or "talker" depending on your needs. then, if all goes according to plan, someone will join with the opposite role and you can chat.

i wish this forum was more active
18 August, 2018
⚓︎ the idea behind restricting chat was to insure people were on at the same time because we don't have enough people on yet to create a conversation every hour of every day. i thought by having chat hours, people would come on at certain times and to a degree it has been successful. that said it is still not creating as many chats as i would want. do people think chat limitations should be removed?

i wish this forum was more active
18 August, 2018
⚓︎ i'm so happy people are enjoying the site! the community here is awesome and i do my best every day to expand it. it's slow going, but i see more and more people on mellowtalk every day!

does anyone here lose sleep over their anxiety?
03 August, 2018
⚓︎ i used to have real issues with anxiety induced insomnia. what ended up helping me was actually what helped me cope in the first place: developing meaningful, healthy habits. what worked more than anything was working out every day. but really how it started was stretching every morning and every night. that way, no matter what, i would have something to do even for a few minutes a day that i knew would impact me positively. i began meditating 10 minutes before bed as well and that would really do wonders for me as, although you aren't supposed to drift off while meditating, the same techniques used to meditate could be employed while laying in bed for maximum relaxation. once i developed the willpower to keep up these smaller habits, i started a consistent workout routine and that more than anything has kept me going through bouts of depression and flares of anxiety. i don't know what will work for you, but i can guarantee that creating these daily traditions is really beneficial in the long run. i personally use the "habits" app for android, but any streak tracking app could assist you in committing. good luck with the issue, it certainly can't last forever if you put your mind to solving it.

it feels good to be depressed
30 July, 2018
⚓︎ first and foremost i want to say it's great you're talking about this. sometimes just getting it off your chest is better than nothing at all. what i'm hearing is that you are insecure about how valid your emotions are. you look at people and you see them acting depressed and when you reflect upon yourself you develop a feeling of being an "imposter" with this illness. coupled with the fact that you are lacking emotional closeness from other people which is why you're craving attention and being unfamiliar with recovering, its really a tough mental space you are in right now. i'd like to reassure you that what you are experiencing is okay and normal and that having any emotion is perfectly fine. there is never a need to repress emotion and doing so will only cause anxiety like you are experiencing now. recovering fully will probably be a long hard road and you may find yourself sliding back sometimes, but it is always a good thing to feel better. try and find some people to talk to, it could make a world of difference.

i'm confused
11 July, 2018
⚓︎ your emotions are real and totally valid. the fact that you're here talking about these things is already a step in the right direction and you're such a good communicator too! i think part of the issue is how you frame the problem: you have these thoughts that you don't enjoy, you let them go, and then you're upset that you no longer have negative thinking that causes you trouble. if you haven't guessed, it sounds like you may have some emotional problems that need to be sorted out. a big part of depression and anxiety especially are these spinning thoughts that just go round and round without logical basis. if anything, i personally would feel happier that you are able to be rid of the negative thinking rather than being stuck with it. the fact that you are able to consider your thoughts and let them go is healthy and in no way diminishes the validity of the thoughts themselves. you don't have to be fixated on things and keep them close to you in order to live your life. try and find some people to talk to about some of your thinking. it doesn't have to be major stuff, but it is really amazing how much better you feel when you can get things off your chest.

the mandatory lowercase letters is a nice change of pace
28 June, 2018
⚓︎ you're welcome, happy you like it!