⚓︎i don't know if we are similar people, but if we are. . . if i ever do think about killing myself i just take a second and think " is this really going to do anything? my life is stagnant and i want a change, but this will just end everything, it'll change absolutely nothing. i'll die sad and pathetic and is that really what i want?" that might seem a little harsh, but you have to think like that if you want change.
to me, it seems like you want change, you want something to get you pumped up about life. i'd recommend looking back, what made you happy when you were really little? what about in your teens? once you graduated high school, what gave you a long term feelings of happiness?
life is very long, you aren't doing nothing with your life because you've only live 1/3 of it (on average). everyone has potential to do something great. the universe, god, people, whatever you choose to believe in has given you a purpose, a purpose you've always had. you just need to hustle and continue searching for that purpose. sitting at home might seem nice, but a little bit of work will go a long way.
there are tons of free classes for different forms of art and scholarships if you want to go back to school. just show the world you are willing to work for what you want, even if you don't know what that is quite yet.