⚓︎it's pretty common ditching your hobbies when you're feeling down, it's a matter of lack of motivation.
unfortunately, the waiting is impossible to avoid, but there are some ways for you to take your mind of things. all the hobbies you mentioned are things you engage in without any commitment. how'd you feel with starting something you had to go to? something you'd feel comfortable doing once you started it, but also something that'd make you go.
⚓︎not my quote, i'm not taking any credit. it's probably one of those that just exist without anyone knowing the source. nevertheless, it's a great one.
congrats on your big achievement! i understand how though that must have been for you. you rock!
in this kind of situations, there's a quote that i very much appreciate. "if they can't fix it in 10 seconds, don't point it out".
sometimes people are just dumb, sometimes they wanna be mean. ignoring isn't easy, at all, but it's the kind of treatment they deserve.
⚓︎human beings are essentially always torn between being logical and racional and being illogical and sensitive. you're not undeserving; you have your bad days, your bad situations, like everybody else. you deserve support, comprehension and all the help you need, regardless of where it comes from.
it's okay, i can give you some information without compromising my identity. i'm a college student, but i'm not studying psychology ou psychiatry.
those are things that you can solve or learn to deal with if you get yourself some professional help. getting rid of them or not it's your choice, but it'd be good if you had all the options to make an informed choice. when i wrote about things that are impossible to avoid, i was referring to your own self, to the things you feel, to the things you experience. those are things that won't go away, the things you need to work on for the rest of your life.
well, what kind of things do you like to do? you have already talked about sports (walking and running), but it's difficult for you because of the discharge. do you have any other kind of hobbies? or something you'd like to try, but haven't had the chance to do so?
talking to other people is always a good way to decide how to deal with your own situations. you'll discover that some of them know exactly what you're going through and that can be quite helpful.
don't worry, i want you to talk about it, so i can know how to help you. also, i'm here to listen, so there's nothing you can say that'd make me stop to care.
⚓︎well, feeling like you're stuck in a vicious cycle is actually a vicious cycle by itself. and, unfortunately, there isn't an easy way out, but there's one. to get out of there, you need to take a step out. simple as that, but difficult as hell. what we need to do is find the place where that cycle might be easier to break.
i'm really sorry for not having a word to make it better for you, but, at the end of the day, you'll be the same person you were before. it doesn't matter if you're male or female, if you have a penis or not, your insides will still be the same. we should be working on trying an acceptance speech, trying to understand what could make you feel better about yourself right now and in the long-term. people can change, but they can't run from who they are. you are your own individual, unique as a snowflake, and you should be proud of that. it's okay if you can't see that now, i can hold on for the both of us, but i'd like it if we could make an effort to work on that. there's no one else in this world like you and that's actually something great!
every little thing you can use to accept yourself, every small change you can make (like wearing men's underwear, which you mentioned earlier), even the tinniest detail is something you should pursue. explore all your options, try to talk to people you know who've been in similar situations, find professionals who can guide you through all of it, read books, watch documentaries, inform yourself about all the choices you have to make and all the possible outcomes.
crying is okay, you know? it's a natural response to feeling sad, to feeling stressed, to feeling overwhelmed.
you'll have to stand up to all of these obstacles someday. it's okay if you can't do it right now, it's okay if you don't feel ready to do so. but we can work on that and we will, so you'll be prepared to do it eventually.
avoiding this indefinitely is not a solution, but sometimes you have to take your mind of things so you can look at them differently. some of them are impossible to avoid and would impair your life if you did so, and maybe those are the ones we need to address first.
⚓︎thank you for sharing that!
it's really important that people understand that most of us don't feel comfortable with our bodies at all.
also, i really appreciate the way that lady resorted to her own insecurities to make you feel more comfortable about yourself. a big shout-out to her!
you don't have to feel embarrassed at all, this is actually a common feeling.
do you have any idea about what could be causing this obsession? is there anything about this girl that draws your attention, anything particular?
how would you describe your relationship with her?
⚓︎i'm glad you feel that way and i'm really happy you moved outta that place!
you know, i used to have a hard time with my parents. they used to put a lot of pressure on me, all because of my grades. i was a great student, because i loved learning, but then it all became an obligation and my will to learn just vanished into thin air. consequently, my grades started to drop, and that was when i realized that i shouldn't be trying to live up to their expectations. i was my own person and i had to play by my rules. we only have one life and we shouldn't have to live it the way others want us to, even when those others are people we care so much about.
i understand that all they wanna do is help us, guide us through life, prevent us from screwing things over. but we're the only ones who have the right to choose what we want to do.
so, if you feel you're not being listened, if you feel you're being put under pressure, just try to ignore it. i know it's not the best option, but, temporarily, it really is something. you start to know how to avoid their intrusive behavior and you start to develop other coping skills, all by yourself, and those'll suit you more.
you're not the person your parents think you are. you're the person you have to face everyday when you wake up, the person you have to face everyday when you go to sleep and you're alone with your thoughts. don't try to improve the person they think you are; try to improve the person you really are, so you can become the person you want to be.
if you feel the need to share, or to vent, you've definitely come to the right place. i'll be here whenever you need to and we can talk about anything that could be bothering you. you're always welcome!
⚓︎well, i usually come here at least once a day. however, sometimes, i spend a little bit of time without coming, but the first thing i do when i have the opportunity is to check all the recent posts. and i always come back to see what people have responded. we can work on everything you need.
i understand moving can be difficult, because you leave a lot of things behind. how are you holding on regarding that aspect?
math is really fun, and you have a lot of paths to choose from that. but don't worry, you have time to make that decision.
maybe it'd be nice if you could have a chat with your dad, explaining him that pressuring you isn't gonna make you choose faster and that going into university earlier isn't always the best solution.
even if it is normal, there are usually some ways to help you deal with it on a daily basis.
those are all very good ways to make you more comfortable, and excellent ways to cope. of course, with regard to your health, i recommend always asking a doctor's opinion. all options have their pros and their cons, so it's always a better idea to check with a professional and with someone who knows your medical history.
if you need to talk, mellowtalk is always here for you. from now on, you'll never be alone.
⚓︎no need to thank me.
being aware that something is wrong is the first step towards a change. and you've already done that, so congrats.
things will change. they'll get better, no matter how much time it takes.
⚓︎maybe that was because it was a different situation, a different experience. happiness isn't only about laughing and smiling, sometimes it's about feeling calm, at ease, being comfortable with someone.
we all have different people in our lives, and we all have different relationships with them. having a different kind of relationship with two different people doesn't mean you like one more than the other, and it also doesn't mean one of them makes you happier.
⚓︎well, it does not matter what their reasons are. they are wrong and there's nothing that can excuse their behavior.
most of all, you shouldn't have to put up with it.
it's not your fault, you know? there's nothing that justifies a parent treating their child that way.
⚓︎well, i think we can now say you're not alone.
sure, i'm not physically by your side, but i'm still a person. and i care. and there are more people that care about you in here.
always feel free to post if you want some advice or if you only want to vent. there's always someone to listen. there's always someone who cares.
have you tried to make her understand that being a stripper is something that could upset your father? and also something that upsets you and your sister?
maybe she feels she's doing something wrong and that's why she threatened you. it's not, at all, excusable, but maybe it'd be a good idea to understand how it all began, her reasons to start doing it and why she doesn't want to tell your father.
⚓︎in my country, unfortunately, halloween isn't that big a deal.
however, me and my friends really love it. and this year, like every year, we'll have a sleepover, watch scary movies and eat all the junk food we want. we'll also play some games, if we find the time.
moreover, it's kinda lame, but i'm gonna dress up as a vampire!
⚓︎you're not weak for letting your emotions show. you're also not weak for feeling things, specially when they're appropriated.
isn't there any way you can explain them how their actions are making you feel?
you say you live with a roommate. is he just someone you know or is he some sort of friend?
i really hope everything goes well with the abortion. even though you don't have anyone to go with you, i'll spend some time thinking about you on friday, and, afterwards, if you feel comfortable doing so, i'd appreciate if you could come here to tell us how everything went and how you'll be doing.
it's really great you're having the opportunity to study in a better place, to improve yourself. tell me, do you have any idea about what you want to major in?
about your body, have you ever considered getting the opinion of another doctor? maybe there's something that can help you control that aspect.
also, is there anything you could do that maybe would get you more comfortable with your body? you say you don't wanna transition, and that is, of course, your decision. but is there anything you'd like to do that would make you feel better?
i understand you're in a really bad position right now. and i understand how frustrating it must be not getting all the answers or, at least, some of them. we can work on that!
⚓︎“so i died many times that year.
in the cold, in the storm, on the run or on the drunk for my heart did not want to beat
but kept on beating anyway
and my pain was as real as real can be,
and i tried to learn and deal and run and feel
but nothing really worked.
i built a comfortable home in my sorrow and settled into a quiet living. no sparks or grand gestures, just a simple daily hymn to comfort. the leaves fell off the trees and coloured this city in all kinds of pretty, and some days that was enough to make me smile at least a little bit, within.”
- charlotte eriksson
⚓︎a prenup is a contract signed between the two parts, where they show their interest in getting married and define some terms about the marriage itself.
advantages and disadvantages depend on the place where the parts are signing it.
⚓︎all patients have the right to a confidential medical service. however, in some situations, doctors have to bend that rule. one of those is in the context of child protection. i cannot tell you with certainty how your doctor would proceed, but i can tell you that, being you in a situation of harm, it wouldn't be right of him to expose to your parents what you told him.
i have no clue about the situation of mental abuse in the us, but i'm almost sure jail isn't the only legal procedure to that. you can find that information online or asking an adult.
however, if you don't feel comfortable telling your doctor, you can go to your school counselor. the confidentiality terms are different and you can always ask about it before starting to explain what took you there.
i have no idea what you did (and i'm definitely not forcing you into telling me), but i doubt it's something unforgivable. their approval may seem important to you (and that's logical, they're your parents), but you have to put yourself and your health first.
it's okay to scream and cry every now and then, but we want it to decrease. we want you to life a happy life, and a happy life is not always perfect, sometimes it has some "scream and cry" moments. the reverse, however, is not acceptable. and that's why we'll take care of it.
it's great you found a friend, a best friend, but it's okay if you haven't told them much about your personal life. it takes time to build trust and it's okay to take things slow. having someone by your side is a great way to deal with some intrusive thoughts that will arise. this is, definitely, a great thing that has happened to you!
about depression itself, medication is usually a choice. if you don't feel comfortable taking meds, you can use therapy. nowadays, there are lots of different approaches to treatment. you can choose one or more options, depending on your needs and on your resources. for more information (to choose the best for you), a professional would be required.
⚓︎welcome back! even if the situation itself isn't positive, it's good to hear from you once again. and it's good to know you actually got better after our last talk.
i'm gonna have to start by saying you're really brave to write all of this. remember you'll always have a safe place in here, no matter what, but, unfortunately, we're only capable of listening and replying. the last time, i told you to find an adult of trust to expose all of this (a doctor, a teacher, your school counselor, etc.) and i stand by my opinion. it's important you find someone who is able to help you irl and no doctor in their right mind will tell your parents what you confided him. you'd have to feel comfortable to tell all of this to someone, but it would be better if you did. once you get it out of your chest, someone will be able to help you.
the situation you described is, indeed, mental abuse. in my country, that is a crime, which means there are legal procedures to help the child and to solve the situation. as i don't know where you're from, i cannot speak about your legal system. however, finding an adult of trust also means you're getting help from someone who is informed and capable of dealing with your case in the best way possible. don't let your fear stop you from getting the help you need. it may feel frightening at first, but it's a small step towards a better life.
i really like your mindset: "look what i’ve been through. i was born in hell and made it out alive on my own. i conquered this obstacle and i can do it again."
you're right, you'll conquer it. because you're a badass. and badass people always conquer their obstacles, no matter how much time it takes.
however, it is important we get you through all of this in the best way we can. you shouldn't have to face everything alone, and you won't. we'll be here, every day, to listen to you.
maybe you should start developing other coping strategies, until that appointment comes. the first time we talked, you mentioned listening to music. then, the second time, you talked about opening up to a close friend who could understand you. those are great ways to cope, to deal with the situation you're going through. are there any more coping strategies that come to your mind that could be useful in your life?
you are not selfish, you are not worthless, you are not lazy. their words don't define who you are. you are just a kid, dealing with some issues. you are in a situation that gets you depressed and anxious, a situation of abuse. a situation that isn't, by all means, your fault.
you shouldn't have to live a life you don't want, you shouldn't have to be forced to learn something, you shouldn't have to be mentally abused the way you are.
and that, my friend, will change. you just need to have a little faith and hang on a little bit more.
throw away those painkillers, because you won't need them. trust me, you won't. i didn't, after all, and that's the only reason i'm talking to you right now.
this is probably the most-used phrase of all time, but it does get better. and, if it gets better for others, there's no reason it won't get better for you.
just hang on and take care!
⚓︎going to the dentist for the first time in such a long time is a pretty big step. i'm sure the professionals will give you different options to fix your teeth, so you can choose the one that suits you better.
also, your landlord seems like such a nice person. he's the kind of person i mentioned on our last convo, the kind of person that'll help you if you ask them to. and he won't be the only one, more people will care. there's always hope.
there's always going to be people who care. not only us, but also people in "real life", people who are in a better position to help you in different ways. until then, hope you can get through it all.
it's okay not to be strong all the time. you don't have to feel weak or pathetic for crying in front of your kids. i'm sure they don't see you that way.
remember what we talked about last time. your bad choices are now in the past. now, you have to worry not to dwell on them. the choices that matter are the ones you make from now on.
it's good you still come here to vent. since the last time you came here, haven't there been any positive developments?
blabbering and gibbering, gibbering and blabbering, then all the ideas you had about something just vanish and you're left with nothing but shame.
there's no shame on being unable to talk to people. it's actually pretty common not knowing how to answer something when you're being asked a question or even how to clarify your thoughts. in the first case, you are simply absent, your mind is somewhere else, and it takes you a little while to adjust to reality. in the second case, words just don't come easy to you. and it's fine when that happens, because it happens to all of us. however, maybe it happens a little bit more to you and you feel like it's creating some issues in your social life.
if you feel you're having problems to talk to people, you can use some of this advice:
- begin the conversation by saying how you'll probably say something without any sense. the other person will take it as a peculiarity and will probably just laugh. understand that they're not laughing at you, they're just laughing because you made it easier to start the conversation. you'll feel both more comfortable that way.
- try to make some small talk. yes, i know it can be hard, but try to practice it at home, so you'll feel more prepared. usually, in small talk, people tend to answer you nearly the same. those regularities will make you more at ease.
- understand that a conversation is not only about talking, but also about listening. it's perfectly okay if, at the beginning, you start as an active listener. let other people do the talk for a while and join into the conversation when you feel like you're ready to do it. you can always participate with your body language (nod your head, make eye contact, etc.).
- find some people who enjoy the same things you do. whether you have the same hobby, or you both love animals or reading to the same kind of books, it'll be a lot easier being in a conversation where you master the topic. words may fail you at first, but you'll always find your way through the obstacles.
- try to ask questions instead of making statements. not only will you make a good impression (because it means you're paying attention to what they're saying), but it'll also take away some of the responsibility of maintaining the topic.
- and, last but not least, if you don't feel comfortable at all starting a conversation, don't do it. i know that, sometimes, it's imperative. but, if you have a choice, and you feel like you can't do it at the moment, just postpone it. i'm not telling you to avoid conversation, obviously, but try to start with what makes you more comfortable.
also, just a little tip. when people suddenly talk to you (and you're not prepared), just say "sorry, i wasn't paying attention, can you please repeat what you were saying?". this'll make people repeat (and sometimes rephrase) what they asked you, which'll give you more time to think about your answer.
⚓︎yes, you're right. recovery it's a hard step, confronting your issues and fighting your battles requires a lot of courage. it's important to understand this, to appreciate people who try to change and to help people who are unable to do it for themselves.
it's okay to get help and it's even better to be helped. it's possible to live a better life, no matter what situation is going on at the moment.
no storm lasts forever.
⚓︎it's great you could write this. it's always good to tell someone about your feelings, to try to make some sense of everything.
antidepressants, as you may know, have a lot of side effects. that's why some people choose not to take them. however, it's also a good choice to take them. it all depends on the concrete situation. no matter what you do, always take your therapist's judgment into consideration.
that feeling of numbness is one of the side effects of antidepressants. it is, perhaps, a good idea to talk to your therapist about what you're feeling. he/she may have a word to say about it.
and don't worry, everything will work out as it's supposed to!
you're talking about a big change. however, that change can have different reasons.
do you have any idea about what could have changed? is there something in your life that could have caused it?
⚓︎it makes you proud and it also makes me proud! you go!
just because he doesn't appreciate those little changes, those tiny wins, it doesn't mean they are not worth something. they are worth a lot.
it's all about him understanding your position, and about you doing a little more effort on "instructing" him. relationships, sometimes, take a little bit of that extra, boring effort
⚓︎depression is something you have to deal with, but it's also something that comes with you. it doesn't define you, but it is part of your life. it's important you feel that the people around you accept that.
maybe it's time you both have a conversation about it, both of you explaining how you feel.
it's surely hard for you both having that kind of fights about it.
and yes, it really is very brave of you to admit your feelings. and it'll also take a lot of bravery to talk to him about it. but remember that, in a relationship, there are some key factors, like trust and communication. work on them and everything will fall into its right place
⚓︎hi there, buddy!
are you talking about the sensation of numbness? the one where you feel like you should be feeling something, because things are happening around you, but still you feel nothing at all? that one feeling where you wonder if there's a black pit between you and the world, and the pit is just absorbing all the sensations? the one where you can't help to think like you don't belong here, or there, or, in short, everywhere?
it doesn't matter if your life is great, if you have lots of friends, money, excellent grades, a good family environment or the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend. that feeling does not discriminate, it does not differentiate people for who they are or for what they have.
however, it is important to understand why you feel that way. first, try to do it yourself. then, try to talk to someone. if you see you need some professional help, it's okay for you to obtain it.
it may seem like nothing now, but we don't want it to evolve into something else. there are lots of ways to deal with that but, first, it is important for you to identify exactly what it is.
it's okay to ask for help and i think that's a great place to start!
first of all, i'd like you to know how brave you are for standing up for yourself. even when in a situation of abuse, you were capable of confronting the abuser. it isn't normal for people to do that and you deserve a lot of praise for your courage.
now, from what i can understand, the main problem right now is your current household.
your stepmother may have caused you a lot of harm (and i'm sure she did), but you have to remember it's all now in the past. she's nothing but a bad memory, she can't hurt you anymore. it's obvious she has left you some scars, but all you can do with those is learning how to move on. all you feel about her is valid, and it may affect your present and future life, but you are now the one in control.
right now, though, it's your mother's relationship with your stepfather that's causing most of the trouble. it's really, really hard to get caught up in a situation like that. your mom, of course, is feeling hurt and betrayed. your stepfather seems not to understand her feelings. without creating any damage for yourself, you could steer your mom down that difficult path. maybe she also needs help, maybe she needs to vent to someone, or some wise advice. you seem mature enough to help her. but remember that it's not a good idea to help someone if you're not on a good place yourself. define your limits and act within them. the same goes with your little sister, for you can act as a compass in her life.
if you see your own situation is getting worse, please try to get some professional help. there's always someone in a position to help, whether it's your family doctor or your school counselor. try to understand how willing you are to seek professional help and, when you think you might be ready, do it. a lot of the things you are experiencing, like anxiety, sleeping problems, eating disorders, etc., are serious issues. although there's always someone in here if you need to let off some steam, it's important that you get help from someone who is qualified to do it.
i could tell you that 2 years are nothing. and it's true, 2 years are a tiny period of time. however, 2 years in suffering are not nothing. they are a lot. and you deserve to find a solution to all this.
things will get better. they will. and, whenever you need, we're here to listen. just try to hold on and remember that it's okay to ask for help.
⚓︎welcome to mellowtalk, buddy!
if you see they're not inviting you, how about you being the one taking the first step? sometimes, people have this wrong idea. they think that, for them to invite you, you have to show them you're interested. maybe try to invite them all to dinner, or to the cinema. something y'all fancy. next time, they'll feel morally "obligated" to invite you. and you'll start a laudable cycle, in which you will have the opportunity to blend in exactly the way you want to.
i have to admit, it seems you're still coping using pain. however, if that's the alternative you found, it'll have to do for now. just try to work on a better one for future situations, "explore" yourself, try to find what makes you feel better.
make that list! that's a great way to celebrate your best qualities! include everything that crosses your mind!
and, then, let me know how it made you feel
⚓︎opioids are substances that can cause euphoria. when in an euphoric state, people "overreact". instead of feeling insecure, they feel paranoid; instead of becoming nasty, they become actually mean.
so, yeah, it is normal
you say they don't see your relationship in the same light, but that doesn't mean they don't see you as their friend. people usually have different approaches when it comes to friendship, they value different things.
however, it sucks when you feel you're giving much more than what you have in return. it sucks feeling like they don't appreciate you enough or like they don't care enough.
what you're feeling is normal and it's okay to feel that. it's a natural human impulse to feel like you don't belong somewhere.
perhaps try to remember all the times that a friend of yours surprised you in a positive way. all the times someone came to you and remembered you for something. all the times someone gave you an unexpected gift or remembered something you told them about yourself. you'll see that, at the end of the day, there are a lot of those moments. and what is life if not the sum of all those little moments?
cutting may feel like an escape, but it'll just trap you even more with each time you get that blade closer to your skin. trust me, i've been there.
there are a lot of alternatives, things you can do instead of cutting, that can help you ease that urge. draw on the place you use to cut with a washable marker and then go take a bath. watch your favorite movie. play with a pet (if you have one). hug a pillow. color with crayons. google yourself. sing. use your imagination, it's limitless. do something that you know can wash away some of the pain.
and for the last one, you've already done it. talk to someone. you came in here and you talked to us. and, let me tell you, that was a very smart thing to do. you'll always have a safe place in here to vent, there's always someone around.
i know this may sound corny, or even worn out, but everything will be okay. this, too, will pass. you won't feel this way forever, but you have to find a way to deal with your present feelings. maybe try to make an appointment with a therapist and tell him/her what you've been feeling lately. there's no shame in asking for help when you're needing it. if you don't feel ready just yet, we'll be here to walk you through it.
please, take care of yourself! and remember we'll always be here for you
⚓︎it's normal for you to feel that way. you've been fighting for so long that being tired or exhausted is nothing but a regular outcome.
the fact that you can analyze your past and understand what went wrong is a very good sign. as a matter of fact, even if most of it is not your fault (like your mother's neglect), the truth is that you still have the power to overcome negative situations, like getting out of those bad relationships. you understand you got into them because you felt susceptible and, from now on, you can improve. you'll think two times before getting into a new one that could cause you harm. it's hard to blame you on that, because you have a difficult past that you're still learning how to deal with.
i can assure you you've been a great mother, because only a mother who cares about her children can put herself in the position to ask for help. i really hope that, one day, someone sees in your daughter the talent she has, someone that is able to invest in her, that can help her grow as an artist. and i understand you're giving them the best you can, which makes you a terrific mother, but i really hope that they'll get lucky, that they'll get an opportunity to show the world how great they can be.
it's good for you to vent. and there'll always be someone in here who's ready to listen. you don't have to thank me for that, trust me, i just want you to get an opportunity to change your life.
and i care about you. and, like me, someone will care. and, unlike me, that person will have the chance to really help you turn your life around.
don't lose hope!
⚓︎you don't need a reason to feel sad. you don't need a reason to validate the way you're feeling. you don't need to have had a terrible life of suffering to justify your emotions. if you feel sad, empty, angry, anxious or afraid, the important thing is that you learn how to deal with it.
don't feel pretentious for not corresponding to the ideas others have of having to be miserable to feel miserable. don't feel like you're a fraud just because you don't correspond to the role of the "ideal victim".
don't be sorry for taking your time to explain your situation. this is a safe place for you to vent. always take the time you need, there'll always be someone who reads what you have to say.
i think that, most of all, it is important to you to develop some skills to deal with your feelings. you told us about overthinking things and that is something that, with some training, you'll be able to control after some time. since you've referred to be someone with a good familiar structure, maybe it would be a good idea if you asked your parents to take you to a therapist (that is, if you don't already have one). therapy is the key to a lot of behavioral changes that can impact one's life to the extent of modifying even the worst feelings.
lastly, i would like to ask you this: from this day on, if you feel like you're on a dangerous situation, if you feel like you could hurt yourself, please come in here to talk to us first. sometimes, having a nice chat is enough to prevent something bad from happening. always wait a little bit for a response. however, if you really feel like you can't manage it on your own, try to contact someone that can help, there are a lot of resources available that you can use.
it is very fortunate for me that you're still alive, despite what you may think. thank you for sharing and i hope that you feel better about yourself now.
⚓︎first of all, you are a really strong person. even if there's no one to help you pay the bills, you made the decision to distance yourself from those people who were hurting you and you deserve to know how proud that makes me. it doesn't matter if the people who hurt you are your friends, your family or your boyfriends, they don't deserve your time, your love or even your consideration.
let me just tell you that, sometimes, i cannot help but think that the world is just an insanely unfair mess. the choices you made were the choices you made, it doesn't matter if they could be better or not, it's important for you not to dwell on the past and to continue living in the present and for the future. try to make the best choices now.
i bet your kids are really proud of you and i bet they acknowledge the efforts you make to raise them well. the school should be helping them get a better start in life. if you feel like the school isn't doing a proper job, try talking to your children and ask them if there's any teacher they trust. then, go talk to that teacher and try to explain your situation (notice that you don't have to tell them everything, just what you feel comfortable with. maybe say you're struggling financially and, about your eldest, say that she really needs help with math). usually, teachers know how to help the kids in school and, when forewarned about any situation, they get to keep an eye on the kid. school isn't just about teaching science or literature, it's about providing children the tools they'll need in the future. if the school isn't doing that, it's failing miserably.
also, if you see your kids are getting harmed, get help from the school counselor. bullying is never okay!
it's okay for you to get help and i can see that, right now, you need it the most. you mentioned the food bank, and sure, food is a basic need, but try to search more institutions and foundations to help you with your health, for example. look into it, get as much help as you possibly can.
however, no matter what you do, please don't lose hope! i can understand you're struggling with a difficult situation, something that's been going on for some time now, but you have to believe things will get better. do it for you and do it for your children. it's going to take some time to get your life back on the tracks, but it'll happen.
remember that good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who stand up and take action! find help just like you found us. and don't forget to come here if you need to vent, i'm always around to listen.
on a final note, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. and, to me, your soul is beautiful. i'm sure the rest is just not that important to the people who love you, the only ones who you should care about.
⚓︎first of all, you should know that is a very normal feeling. it usually happens when you've developed trust issues due to some damaging event.
it's okay to feel that, as long as you don't let that fear control you. being suspicious or not letting your guard down are mechanisms of self-defense, things you do to protect yourself from a possible deception. however, if you let it hold you down, you won't be able to reach your full potential and it'll impair the way you see others and even yourself.
try to understand that what you're feeling (even though it's valid and real) does not correspond to reality itself. your mind is tricking you into not letting your guard down and it's depriving you of some nice experiences.
nevertheless, trust issues can be a major pain in the ass. they'll haunt you down on your lowest and even on your highest. that is something you have to change, but you have to be ready to work on it.
if you want to talk a little more about it, you can try to open up with me and we'll walk it through.
⚓︎if you had the might to (kind of) win over your dad, you'll also succeed with your mum. it may take a little more time, but she'll come around when she understands that your happiness is what really matters. money and social status are just means, not ends.
your girlfriend did a very sweet thing by trying to impress them, but she should remember that the person she is now should be enough for them, as it is for you. your parents should accept her as she is, regardless of clothes, job, religion, etc.
they've placed you on an unfair position. this is not about choosing, it's about accepting other people's feelings. i know that you don't want to hurt anyone, so you'll have to put your foot down and stand by your ideals in the most delicate way you can.
and, above all else, share your feelings with the ones involved. try to explain them how this situation is making you feel and try to keep a tidy environment. when people put their beliefs above others, sometimes they don't see things very clear. communication might be the key to solve all this.
⚓︎i've also seen it and i also care. seems life has given you a whole lot of lemons and you don't have a jar to put the lemonade you should be making.
however, no matter what you do, please don't lose hope. as i've said to other people before you, sometimes all it takes is just a small change. life may be hard right now, but it will get better (and i'm pretty sure about that).
hope is something you inherently have, a slender light inside of you that sometimes seems to not shine. if you feel you're losing yourself, or losing that little piece of hope you still have, please come here and talk to us.
try to find something (or someone) in your life that could act as a lifeguard. try to find someone that can help you make a change, a friend or an institution, and start working on improving your situation.
i'm sure you'll work it out and i'm sure that, with some help, you'll find a way to give yourself the life you deserve.
in the meantime, know that things take time. and, if things are taking a little more time than what they should, know that it's because what you'll have will be even better than what you're expecting.
don't lose hope and remember that, no matter what, you'll always have someone in here that cares about you!
⚓︎it seems like you have a shakespearean situation going on!
from what i could understand, you're in an healthy, happy relationship, with someone that seems to be an extremely wonderful person. hitherto, all okay.
but your parents seem to disagree and it keeps you in a very delicate position.
first of all, i think that you need to have a little talk with them. find out why they don't like her (i know that you said that's all about her not being middle class, but try to make them tell you their reasons, let them clarify it) and, then, try to explain to them why they're wrong. all the things that you love about her, tell them to your parents. make them understand why she's the one and why do you love her so much.
i would never tell you to argue with them, because they have your best interests at heart. you shouldn't have to start a feud to prove your point. try to reason with them the best you can.
however, maybe it is also important assuring your girlfriend (and maybe you've already done that) that your parents not liking her is not her fault. she can feel bad about it and you should prevent that from happening, because then you'd have two full problems on your hands.
breaking up with her is not the solution! even if it is important for you not to grow apart from your parents, you should remember that, at the end of the day, only you and your girlfriend matter (at least to what concerns your relationship).
maybe they just need some time to understand that she's really important to you and to come to their senses. give them that time and steer them as they walk that path.
⚓︎mood swings are like that, they usually change your appetite. it is a very normal symptom but you have to be careful not to eat less than what you're supposed to, so you won't feel bad in the future.
being alone to recharge is a sign that you're more of an introvert, right? it's good to learn how other people deal with depression, so you can find new ways to do it yourself. it's always important to know what works and what doesn't. all people have different methods to cope with their feelings.
i try to come here at least once a day. whenever you need someone, just pop in. it doesn't matter how you're feeling. if you're feeling okay, just come to have a nice chat. if you're feeling worse, we can deal with that.
⚓︎it's hard to answer that, it may be influenced by both situations or by neither one of them. your brain craves sweet things when you're in need of sugar. if you're eating healthier food, for instance, you don't have the need to eat as much sugar.
you say you're opening up with a friend, someone that shares some of your experiences, someone that understands you. how do you feel about having someone like that by your side?
also, how are you feeling right now?
⚓︎keep that attitude and go for every option you can. the important thing is that you get better.
those are all great picks! always keep listening to music as a coping mechanism, it really is one of the best.
⚓︎trying to lessen the blame really is manipulation, but it's great that you are able to recognize that. it will be hard for you to put this thing to rest, but i trust you'll succeed. good luck with this!
i will say this in the most blunt manner, but being depressed really sucks, doesn't it?
the thing is, not only are you depressed, but you also seem to not being able to get any help because of your family.
first of all, i compliment you on the way you use music to cope. unlike self-harm or other options, music is an healthy and clean way to cope with the way you're feeling. i don't know if you're talking about listening to music, about composing or about playing an instrument, but keep doing it (and rock on!).
on the other hand, it is important that you find an alternative. if you don't have the opportunity to talk to your doctor, you could try talking to a teacher or the school counselor. find an adult that you trust and try to start this hard conversation.
not only are you depressed, but you've also been having suicidal thoughts. when that happens, always tell someone. it is really, really important that you don't feel alone when this happens. so, please, always warn someone (and please remember, there'll always be someone in here who, sooner or later, will answer to your posts).
it's really, really hard to deal with this unpleasant thoughts. but the truth is that, if you're alone, things will seem a lot worse. try to get help in any way you can, without putting yourself in an uncomfortable position, and trust me when i say that things will get better (even if, right now, that seems impossible).
p.s. on a side note, what kind of music do you listen to?
⚓︎all people have different ideas about cheating. some people find it impossible to forgive, others don't. i personally find that, more than the act of forgiving, it's the act of trusting again that undermines the relationship.
first of all, what you have to do is to think about your own good. be as selfish as you need to be, because you have that right. remember that you're the one who got hurt and the one who got betrayed. i'm not telling you to hold any grudges, obviously, but try to understand what happened in a rational way, so she won't have the power to "play the victim" in this situation.
if you are unable to forgive her right now, that's okay. you are not wrong for doing so and you need to come to peace on your own terms. maybe you'll forgive her one day, maybe you won't. the important thing is that your conscience stays clean, so you won't regret your choices.
if i understood correctly, you want to break up with her, but she doesn't want you to do it. going against all her wishes, you'll have to find a way to keep distance. if she becomes threatening ou manipulative, resort to all the mechanisms you can find to keep her away from you.
it's a delicate situation to say goodbye to someone you trusted, someone you loved. take this time to think clearly about the way you'll do it, ask someone you know who has been in the same situation about what they've done and, then, focus only on yourself and on your recovery. it will be hard, but it will happen. and, until then, you'll always have someone in here to vent to
⚓︎you may not be superwoman, but you definitely are something else. however, it is okay for you to feel exhausted and drained. you live under a lot of pressure and you're starting to accuse it.
you say that people only care for what you do for them, but why would that make you worthless? from what i can see, you have a big role in the life of many people (including your children) and the way you play that role is selfless and caring. people may not see the best in you, but it's them who are wrong. you are an amazing person and you should never forget that.
you reached out for help and someone cared! i care about you and more people in here do so! if you find that you have nobody to talk to, come in here and vent.
it would be good for you to go see a therapist, but, if you find that hard to do, then there are always another options. if you want my advice, the first thing you have to do is find a little bit of time for yourself. it may be an hour a day, but don't let anything else come breaking into that hour. find something you love to do, something that gives you joy, and do it. without any excuses.
if you start to work a little bit on yourself, everything else will come to its place. sometimes, all it takes to fix your life is a little change. make that change and feel at ease as time will do the rest
⚓︎hey there! you've mentioned your parents and your boyfriend, but you haven't mentioned any friends. isn't there someone close to you, someone you can talk to about the way you've been feeling?
being numb is the worst, not being able to feel a thing makes it very hard to shed some light on your situation.
if you ever need someone to talk to, know that you'll find someone in here. however, if you have any possibility to find professional help, please do so. do what makes you more comfortable, but please try to help yourself the best way you can
⚓︎the people you want are not always the people you need. human beings tend to make things around them harder than they are, which could explain why those people you dated made it difficult to have a real commitment. however, one day, someone will come that will change that. things will flow, your relationship will thrive and you'll find that everything is way easier and that all the pain you had has gone away.
you should never lose hope in life and in love. but, before you find someone, try to find yourself first. try to pick yourself together, piece by piece, and let someone else mend you when the time comes
⚓︎i've never heard about confirmation until now. i didn't know this was something christian people "had" to go through.
however, i believe that every person has the right to live religion the way they want to. this means that you shouldn't feel obligated to add a saint's name to your name, even if your parents wish you to do so.
it's tricky to comment on a topic like this, because it may include some specific things about your culture and about the way you were educated as a child. it's also hard to change mentalities on a topic like this, so i doubt your parents will change their opinion.
if you are forced into confirmation, don't let it stop you from keeping your beliefs. if you're an atheist, it's alright. you can be whatever you want to be, as long as it doesn't harm other people. keep in mind that it's not the simple act of adding a name that makes you change the way you think, which means that, in every way, you'll keep on being an atheist (until the day you decide you want to be something else, and if that day comes). your beliefs are your beliefs, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, because no one has the power to control your ideas
⚓︎first of all, you need someone to tell you how great you were for breaking up with him. from what you told us, you were on an abusive relationship, with a guy that insulted and mistreated you. not only him, but also his friends and his mother. you are much better off without all of them in your life. for this, you need to be reminded that what you did takes a lot of courage and, for that, i deeply admire you.
now, even if you're not together anymore, the way he treated you may have left some scars. it may be hard for you to trust or to commit as you did before. what i want to tell you is that things will get better. i'm not asking you to forget your experience, because it shaped the person you are now, but try to make an effort to understand that not all people are like him. you don't need a relationship to be happy, but you can be happy in a relationship.
however, if he harasses or if he bothers you, try to warn someone you trust about that, so you can find a way to make him stop.
about the way you're feeling, know that you'll always have a safe place in here to vent. however, if you feel like things are starting to feel unbearable, and if you have the conditions to do so, try to get some professional help. we want to help you, but sometimes we don't know how to do so. you may need something we aren't able to get you, so you should try to find it elsewhere.
keep in mind that, no matter what happens, and no matter what you choose to do, you'll always have someone in here who's ready to listen to what you have to say
⚓︎sometimes, friendships navigate through some tough waves. however, it is simply a matter of time before things come to normal. not only you'll both have some time to adapt yourselves to this new reality, but you'll also start to find that your friendship will develop a stronger bond. i'm not trying to lessen your feelings (believe me, i've been there), but it's better if you don't sweat it.
on the other hand, if you're going through a hard and stressful time, you should focus on yourself. try to keep yourself as steady as you can and you'll ace it. good luck!
⚓︎it is a dreadful feeling, that one where all you can feel is that you are not good enough, that you are not as good as the others. however, even if that feeling is real (because it is real and it is valid), it doesn't mean that reality is like that. you may feel like people doesn't like you as much, or like they don't appreciate you as much, or even like they don't even see you as an option when choosing someone to hangout. step by step, try to fight that mindset. try to convince yourself that your mind is lying to you, because it is.
for me, it's almost impossible to see an individual as disposable. i could bet you are a terrific person, so full of your own individuality that it's hard to not think of you all the time. and the way you're thinking about your friends also shows us that you are a great friend and a nice person.
always feel free to vent, especially when you are feeling lonely. do it your own way, on your own terms. the important thing is that you feel comfortable while doing it
⚓︎from what i could understand, you are very talented. people may try to take everything away from you, but they will never be able to take that. things may seem tough right now, but try to hold on. while all that is happening, try to find another way to play soccer and try to focus on that. maybe something will show up and maybe life will give you a new opportunity to develop your career. if soccer is your dream, don't give it up. one day, you'll prove yourself and you'll understand every effort was worth it
⚓︎welcome! in here, you'll find a lot of people ready to simply listen to you or to give you some advice. if you need, message someone and try to tell your story. remember that, even though it may feel so, you are not alone
⚓︎"there are times you can't really see or even feel how sweet life can be. hopefully its mountains will be higher than its valleys are deep. i know things that are broken can be fixed. take the punch if you have to, hit the canvas and then get up again. life is worth it"
⚓︎i remember that, one time, i saw a movie where the protagonist said that, sometimes, all it takes is a few seconds of courage to make some changes in your life. it may be hard to do so, but maybe you just need a little impulse. try to join an academic group that focus on something you like or try to start approaching that one person in your school that seems as lost as you are. maybe the people in your group projects will start to make some contact, so just join their wave and try to take it one step at a time. i won't lie to you, it will be hard. but, in the end, something is going to change. and it's going to be for the better