i'm really happy to know your life has gotten a lot better. these last times have been rough and we're all dealing with them in different ways.
i understand it must be really frustrating seeing others having the life you want to have, especially when you're not able to. nevertheless, remember that social media is mostly based on appearances. shallow moments don't originate fulfilled lives.
it's hard to deal with something that makes you upset and disappointed, but, unfortunately, you're the only person who's capable of such change.
if you feel like your life shouldn't be wasted away, grab it and make something of it. don't let the circumstances destroy your opportunity of being happy.
the best advice i can give you is for the both of you to talk it all out, to figure what you both want right now and in the future.
considering you are both depressed, if you don't acknowledge each other's feelings, that relationship can do you more harm than good.
share your thoughts with him and let him share his. don't forget that communication is key.
it's alright if you need some time to fix yourself. some people can do it while on a relationship, other people don't. try to understand what benefits you most right now.
first of all, congrats for that degree! it is a terrific achievement and i think it should be something to make you really proud. you had to go through a lot to finally graduate, which makes it a unique experience, even if it's not the one you were hoping for.
unfortunately, i understand how you're feeling. i'm currently finishing my degree and i can't help deeming myself spurious for not having learnt the necessary skills for my career.
you say you're too scared to work as a mental health nurse because you can't look after your own mental health. however, one thing has nothing to do with the other and, even if you can't keep yourself well all the time, you can be perfectly capable of helping others.
i understand you're feeling insecure, and yes, burnout is a terrifying reality and might be even closer if you don't look after yourself, if you don't develop some shields.
anxiety is a life-long condition: you can learn how to deal with it, but you can't get rid of it. feelings of helplessness will always come to the surface, but that's alright as long as you have the power to drown them.
start small, step by step, and try to face your fears. instead of evading, try to step into that uncomfortable situation at least once.
i advise you to do this on a personal level, but also on a professional one. you'll soon start working, but you won't have the same experience as others who are already working and that's perfectly okay. experience is something you gain, even when doing the smallest tasks.
nothing will be handed to you and you'll have to cultivate your own resilience.
you'll be asked to take care of others, but never forget you're also worthy of being taken care of.
there will always come a time when you need help. don't be afraid of asking for it!
i understand that was simply a mistake, but you're afraid it might turn into something else.
first of all, how old are your students? is there any way you can contact their parents and let them know about that mistake?
the sooner you try to fix it, the better.
you were trying to do a nice thing and i'm really sorry it backfired. it may seem really bad right now, but i'm sure everything will be okay very soon.
even when in quarantine, there are lots of things to do.
if you already have an hobby, try spending more time with it. if you don't have one, start trying new things and explore everything the internet has to offer.
after you discover something you love to do, you can share it with other people (online, for instance) and you can make new friends who have the same interests as you.
you're so young and you have so much to offer!
as a teacher, a mother and a grandmother, i'm sure you gave a lot to other people. now, it's the time to give something to yourself!
⚓︎thank you so much for being so friendly!
i'm happy to know you're currently feeling better, even though i understand this is something difficult to deal with. i want you to know you are a brave person for sending her that text and i hope everything gets settled.
all the best!
⚓︎hey there, constantly blue apple!
and welcome back!
you are certainly not wasting anyone's time, especially mine. i can't properly put into words how happy i am to know you are currently working on yourself.
you are right, things can change, and you're a great example of that.
congrats for being self-aware and for wanting to be a better person.
and, most of all, thank you for showing us that change is possible!
what you're feeling is completely normal.
sure, people will tell you it's not that big of a deal, that nobody will care about that small (or huge) typo. and you know what? they're right, of course, but, for some reason, that doesn't make you feel better.
you can't avoid feeling ashamed or embarrassed, especially at night, because that's when all your mistakes come crushing in.
however, there are some ways you can deal with that.
as someone already told you, mindfulness exercises are a great way to deal with your anxiety.
melatonin, "the sleep hormone", is also a great way to regulate your sleeping patterns and to help you fall asleep. however, as a supplement, you should never take without a doctor's prescription. if you want to regulate your own melatonin levels, a good tip is to never use electronic devices before going to bed.
other useful advice are things like exercising during the day (but never at night) or doing a little bit of light reading before falling asleep.
as in everything else, you need to find for yourself what works and what doesn't.
finally, congrats for what you wrote. if it was acknowledged, i bet it was darn good!
keep up the good work!
it's in situations like yours that i feel the need to break everything into pieces. first, all those life-altering events that made your friendships crumble. then, the way you dealt with your pain, which lead you into a lonelier path. lastly, the romantic lane and your necessity to give up.
we shall start from the beginning.
you said you spent a lot of time trying to understand how it all happened, how all of your friendships fell apart. well, first of all, it's normal for friendships to end when you start entering in your adult years. unfortunately, you rarely keep the same friends. then, there's the fact that you had to go through some life changing situations, which certainly made an impact on you and changed you as a person, which may have led some people away (you know, those who are in only for the good times).
i know you thought about why all those people left, but where were you putting the blame? was it your fault or was it their fault?
from all those friendships you lost, i understand the hardest to deal with might have been your best friend, because not only was she someone close to you, but because she also threw you under the bus and put you under worst circumstances.
now, i want you to reconsider. is this someone you think should be by your side?
all those unbearable situations made you crave a way to deal with the pain. that's when you started cutting (momentarily) and binge eating. i understand completely why you resorted to these methods, but i want you to remember they are not okay. they are harmful and injurious and, if you ever feel the need to resort to them once again, i'd like you to come here and talk to us before doing something regrettable.
carrying on, all the binge eating made you gain a bit of weight, which altered your body image. now, this is something i want to address. being ashamed of your own body or being unsatisfied with it may lead you down a problematic path. for a lot of people, this kind of issues undermine their confidence and make them feel worthless or even ugly. i want you to know you're not anything of the sort. once again, if you ever feel the need to talk about it, come to mellowtalk.
you then wanted to rebuild your life, lost that weight and went back into the dating scene. now, before i go any further, let me just ask you: you lost weight, but did you start feeling comfortable with your body or was the damage already done?
i understand you tried to make everything like it was before, but are you the same person you were in your teens? are you even the same person you were a year ago?
you said you "could have done more", but let me disagree. in fact, you could have done it differently. nevertheless, it's not your fault. maybe you didn't perceive all this, because of how underwhelmed you were.
seeing everything in a different light, do you still feel the need to give up? or would you like to try it again, just one more time?
if your answer is the second, we can start working on it immediately. if it is the first, well then, i still have the time to convince you otherwise.
first of all, welcome to mellowtalk. we're here to listen to you, no matter what you have to say.
if i'm understanding correctly, the problem here seems to be the lack of reciprocity in your friendship.
let me tell you, i know exactly how you're feeling. i'm a double-texter, always trying to establish contact with my friends to know how they're feeling, if they're having a good day, sometimes just to tell them "hey, i saw *something* earlier and it reminded me of you".
understandably, my friends are really different from me and they're also different from each other. some reply immediately with a big text, some reply an hour later with a small "ha ha ur da best" and some of them don't even reply at all.
i know that, by sending that text, i made their day somewhat better. and i understand that their answer wasn't because they don't like me as much as i like them, but because that's their way of showing it.
thereby, what i'm trying to say is that people are really different when it comes to displaying their emotions.
nevertheless, i this situation is hurting you and that is completely normal, because we like to receive what we give away. my advice is that you talk to her, explain her how you feel and try to make her understand your side. sometimes our friends don't know we're hurting and, if they don't know it, they can't do anything about it.
i hope everything works out!
⚓︎there's nothing wrong with being in a polyamory relationship, as long as everyone gives their consent. obviously, even though you accept her preferences, you are not comfortable including other people in your relationship, which is completely fine. however, it also means that her behavior is unacceptable, because she's not respecting your wishes.
nevertheless, the fact that she told you she was poly might mean two things: either she's really confused about what she wants and she's trying to figure it out or she's already made up her mind and is currently trying to justify her cheating.
either way, i think it's better if you talk to her and figure it out, because, at the end of the day, those might mean different things. and, as in everything else, you can't rightfully make a decision without being informed.
a situation like this is always hard. i understand you must feel sad or even angry or confused. no matter what you're feeling, i want you to know that it's normal to feel that way. however, you need to sort it out before you make a decision.
would you like to talk a little bit more about that?
i can assure you, there's nothing wrong with looking for affection.
i understand you're feeling overwhelmed. would you care to explain what do you mean when you say that you feel unloved? and would you like to explain how that makes you sad?
the answers you were already given are considerably suitable and i'd like you to read them over and over again.
giving you the short answer: no, i don't think it's possible to obtain a body like that in an healthy way.
please, once again, read the other insights, because they touch on very important matters. hope you stay safe!
what you just described, when broken into pieces, continues to be as horrid as the whole situation.
the things you are dealing with carry a lot of weight and i'm concerned you might break.
if you have the opportunity, i'd advise you to look for help with a professional. i'd be good if you could talk to someone who's trained to face such situations. this professional might be a therapist, a general doctor or even your school counselor.
i understand it may be hard for you to reach out, but you've already done it here, which means you've already taken the first step towards a solution.
whenever you need to vent, mellowtalk is the right place. however, a qualified professional will be able to help you in a different (and perhaps better) way.
i definitely think that, when you have the opportunity, you should get the hell outta there!
nevertheless, i think this issue is worth a talk with your roommate. even though i agree with tiny red bison when he/she says that your roommate knows what he's doing, i'm personally convinced that you can't ignore his behavior, because it's putting you in an uncomfortable situation.
there comes a time in your life when you don't have to be good enough. not good enough for your parents, not good enough for your friends, not even good enough for you. during that time, all you have to do is simply exist.
what i'm trying to say is that you don't have to live up to the expectations that were set up for you. try to be the best version of yourself you can be, but don't overthink it. everything will fall into place.
first of all, let me tell you i was really curious to know what was behind that youtube link, but, unfortunately, the video was deleted. second, as gentle polychromatic bear did, i'm gonna wish you a happy birthday.
i understand you're having a rough time, you're surely dealing with some heavy things right now, but i hope you're having (or i hope you had) a decent day.
you said you were never meant to stay here, but i strongly disagree. you had to go through a lot to be born and that's more than enough for me to know that the place you're standing in is yours and only yours, because you earned it.
having suicidal thoughts is not something you want. rather, it's something you have to deal with. i'm pretty sure you didn't wake up one day and decided to have those thoughts. this means that you're not guilty, you don't have to feel bad for thinking about killing yourself.
however, there are things that you can do about it, things you have the power to change.
the corona virus situation has made it somewhat difficult to obtain mental health care. nevertheless, when you have the opportunity, i'd truly recommend you to find some help (that is, if you're not already under treatment). everything has a solution, but sometimes that solution is six feet under your own misery and only a professional can help you unearth it.
i'd like you to read, once again, gentle polychromatic bear's words. they used an expression i really like: "you don't need to participate in the rat race".
i understand you're eager to finish your graduation, i understand you think you should have finished it 2 years ago, but take it from someone who's right now in the same situation as you are. put yourself first and everything else will fall right into place.
you didn't fail graduation the other two times, you simply didn't graduate because you had some complications. failing is what happens when you take the wheel and make some poor decisions. when there are things you can't control, you happen to be dealing with a setback.
you have nearly a month to study. i don't know if that's enough, but it'll have to do. study on your own pace, don't let it overwhelm you and, when the day comes, simply go in there and do your best. maybe your best won't be what it could be if you took it on october, but that's okay, because things aren't always what they should be and we have to learn how to deal with that.
however, i really hope you can be successful. good luck!
this social isolation thing is, indeed, being hard.
the feeling of loneliness is something very normal in your circumstances, but i want you to know you're not alone.
if you need to talk to someone, there's always the chat and even here, on the forum, you can get an answer to your posts.
keep that hope, it'll guide you through all of this!
first of all, you should start by understanding why do you binge eat. yes, it is a coping mechanism, you started it to deal with your anxiety, but what makes you binge eat? what are the exact situations that make you want to do it?
the first step to deal with this is realizing what are your triggers, so you can act directly at them. there's actually a big difference between striking at the root of a problem or merely trimming its branches. the second option drains a lot of your energy and makes you want to quit, it does not solve your problems on the long term. however, by acting directly, you can focus all your energy on what makes you binge eat.
by the time you're capable of identifying your triggers, you can start to develop other coping mechanisms, healthy ones.
it's okay to feel lost when dealing with something like this and the way you're currently feeling is utterly normal. however, i want you to know you're not ugly, not at all. you are not the problem, it's the problem that is taking control of you. but all problems have a solution, even if we haven't found it yet.
hope you stay strong!
the kind of anxiety you're describing seems to be unbearable, for it is strongly influencing your daily life. it can make you feel petrified and unable to function properly.
i understand how you're feeling and i want you to know you're not alone. unfortunately, this is way more common than it should be. on the bright side, its commonness is what makes it possible to overcome.
it is not easy to start dealing with your anxiety, to start taking those steps. i have no magical formula for you to erase your anxiety, the only way you can learn how to deal with it is by confronting the things that make you anxious.
the problem with this is that, most of the time, people tend to immediately grab the bull by the horns. well, this rarely works, because you have to start small, take it step by step. for example, if you feel anxious leaving your house, start going on daily walks of 15 minutes, then proceed to make them last 30 minutes, then 45, etc.
this is just an example, it is your duty to find what works with you and what doesn't.
you don't have to feel weak or ashamed. maybe you're not where you want to be right now, but you are where you need to. confronting your family will become a lot easier if you embrace this and understand that, sometimes, life's a lot easier if you just embrace it.
i hope you stay okay and, whenever you need, mellowtalk is here for you!
relapsing is something that, sometimes, happens. it isn't what we want to happen, but it's part of our journey when dealing with an addiction.
you're still worthy of recovery and i hope you're doing okay.
⚓︎your self-awareness is, by far, admirable. you can perceive what's wrong and you can understand that something has to change. those are, in reality, the first steps to begin with.
my advice to you is doing that one step at a time. right now, you feel trapped in that foggy situation, incapable of adjusting.
however, you also manifest a strong desire to change (it doesn't matter if it's stronger at evening, it's still inside you). your desire to change is the fuel you need to take, without wearing it out on the first tries.
start small, like going out for a walk for half an hour, and then start adding 15 more minutes each passing week. this is, of course, an example. you have to be the one to set your own boundaries, to make your own arrangements.
i'm not gonna lie, you'll have some troubles with whatever you decide on doing and maybe you'll fail once or twice. but it doesn't matter, as long as you keep going. it's okay to fall back into a detrimental situation if, somehow, you manage to make it out of there even stronger.
whenever you need it, i'm here to listen.
⚓︎first of all, it's okay to ask for help when you're struggling. having to resort to your sister to finish your degree is not, in any way, a sign of weakness.
it's always okay to ask for help if you feel like you might need it, it doesn't take any credit away from you.
you don't need to do something on your own for it to be an opportunity of personal growth, you can benefit from others' involvement.
even if you think you didn't learn anything from getting that degree, i bet there was something - a particular skill, a peculiar information, maybe even a life lesson.
from what i could understand, you live in fear of making choices, because you don't want to deal with the consequences your choices may bring you. however, the simple fact of not making those choices is enough to stress you out and to bring you shame.
and, most of all, you feel that's a vicious cycle, right?
without wanting to meddle in your life, without trying to interpose, may i ask if you're currently doing something post-degree?
if so, how are you adjusting to it? if not, are you currently looking?
i'll start by telling you how brave you are for speaking up about the way you've been feeling. sometimes it's really hard for people to admit that something is wrong and taking that first step is pretty important.
now, i'd like you to have a good look at your life. i understand you've been struggling, you've been having those feelings of hopelessness.
what do you think could be making you feel that way? was there any recent change in your life that could be having an effect on you?
it's important to begin at the beginning.
always feel free to come here and talk about what's bothering you.
recently, life hasn't been kind to you, has it?
i'd like you to read friendly striped swan's words, because he comes, once again, with great wisdom to share.
i'd like you to acknowledge how great you are for all you've been enduring, you're a freaking badass and there's nothing that can convince me otherwise.
you are not to be blamed on everything that happened, you are experiencing a difficult situation, living a terrible experience, something no one should ever be faced with.
however, i'd like to try to ease your mind on some of the things you've mentioned.
first of all, you seem to have a good support network (you mentioned your mother and i could understand she is a very supportive person). hang onto that, grab onto it as hard as you can, because the people who support you are the people you must have by your side.
then, i'd like you to understand that not having a paternal figure is better than having a defective one. your child may grow up and ask about her father, but, as friendly striped swan said, "when that baby girl grows up, what she's going to remember is not him leaving as much as you staying". those were some powerful words and i think they would serve as a great mantra. you're better off without him, both of you!
also, i'd like to remember you, once again, that what you're doing is really valuable. you're raising that little girl, doing your job the best you can, and that's more than enough. trying your best is enough and it'll always be. you are more than enough for that baby girl.
i'd like to add that, if you're feeling lost, broken, afraid to trust or to love, it is completely normal. of course, not all people are like him, but how do you tell them apart?
right now, it's okay not to be in a relationship. you need some time to fix yourself, to mend your broken pieces. try to practice some self-love before giving it to anyone else.
your daughter and your mother are also recipients for that love; i think that, for a little bit, the three of you (and maybe someone else i haven't mentioned, but that you still count) are more than enough.
if you want to, one day, get back on the dating scene, it's okay. if you do it in a month or in a decade, it's your decision, and yours only. don't feel pressured to do anything you're not ready to do yet.
take care of yourself, take care of your daughter. focus on the important things.
if you think you'd be in a better position getting some professional help, i'd encourage you to do so.
nevertheless, mellowtalk will always be here when you need it.
i want you to know how brave of a person you have to be to admit having suicidal thoughts. unfortunately, being suicidal is something that still comes with a lot of stigma.
being suicidal myself, my response isn't going to be about self-overcoming, self-improvement and so on. i don't want you to lose hope, because being suicidal is, in no way, a death sentence. it's something you can work on, something you can live with.
however, my most urgent recommendation is that you find a professional that can help you with your thoughts.
don't neglect talking to a friend or to a family member, i encourage you to do that if you feel comfortable doing so and if you think that'd help you.
nevertheless, finding professional help so you can get a diagnosis is the first step for you to take. after that, you'll engage in some form of treatment (all treatments are unique and adapted to the patient, you won't have to do anything you don't want to and your therapist/doctor will present you with all the options you have), you'll be taught prevention techniques, and you'll learn how to manage your thoughts and your impulses.
if you're currently having any doubts about talking to someone about it, let me assure you that it is the right thing to do. it's hard, it's something that'll take some of your energy, but it'll make it better.
please, don't lose hope. mellowtalk will always be here if you need to vent, but it doesn't count as a substitute for real professional help.
i've spent a lot of time praising friendly striped swan's answers, but i'm going to do it once again.
you're resorting to online relationships because, obviously, they're a lot easier to sustain. being a shy, quiet person, you understand it's way better having the opportunity to talk with others if, somehow, you don't have the restrains that usually come with "real life" conversations.
and trust me, i understand how and why you feel so drawn to online chatting.
first of all, let me just assure you that, taking the necessary security measures, there's nothing wrong with having online friendships. everyone's a stranger until you've met them, am i right?
of course, the internet, having its own pros, also has its own set of cons, so i'll recommend you, once again, to take the necessary security measures when talking to a stranger online.
from what i can see, you're starting to feel like your online shenanigans are affecting your "real life". from my point of view, this is where the problem starts.
an addiction can be considered as so when it starts affecting someone's life. however, i'll congratulate you for having the courage and the conscience to understand what's going on. sometimes it's a little hard to perceive reality, and it only keeps getting worse.
what i'm going to tell you is something you (surely) already know. if you want to break this chain, you have to take a step back and unplug for a little while.
make yourself have a little convo with a friend or with a family member, knowing that, if you want to go back to online chatting later, you can. as long as it doesn't have an impact on your actual life, there's nothing wrong with it.
answer the texts from your family, the texts from your friends. at the end of the day, those are interactions that you want to maintain in your life. and those are people that you want to have around you, even if, sometimes, you feel the need to not talk to them for a while (which is, also, completely okay, because alone time is just as important as socializing time).
don't let something that you enjoy become a bigger problem. have all the online conversations that you want, but don't let it retain you home.
hope you learn how to deal with it in the best way!
you already got some extremely good answers, built upon their own experiences. i think that hearing from someone who had to deal with self-destructive habits is a "privilege" (may not be the best word, but it's the one that came to mind).
like it has already been mentioned, your self-awareness is, indeed, your most valuable mechanism to start the process of change.
change is all about self-awareness, about learning to understand what you're doing and what's happening around you, about trying to conceive the best coping mechanisms for what's going on.
i understand this can be hard, because it envolves taking a step further, sometimes even walking with your eyes closed for a little bit.
try to understand what is it you're trying to avoid, who is it you're trying to shut out. try to understand why you're doing it and how you're doing it.
bear in mind that your first step is the hardest one. however, if you feel like giving up, please ask for someone's help. we're always here to listen, but you can also ask a friend, a family member or a therapist for help.
friendly striped swan's words were, indeed, really impactful.
i don't have a lot more to offer you right now, i think you should read those words very carefully, how many times you need to, and make them stick with you.
however, if you feel stuck right now, unable to make all those changes, try to start with only a few. your life isn't going anywhere without you, so you may as well start as small as you need to. take it step by step, until the very end, and don't try to change your entire life in just 5 minutes.
if, even then, you feel yourself struggling with the goals you set, consider asking for help. it can be a friend, a family member, or even a therapist. don't let any obstacles prevent you from achieving your goals.
and, most of all, good luck!
i'm really sorry to hear you had to go through all that. i'm sorry you felt so lost, so broken, and i'm sorry you're still feeling it. nonetheless, all your feelings are valid; you are not exaggerating, you are not overreacting.
i want to assure you none of what happened is your fault. you were a victim, you were not responsible for the actions of that guy.
also, virginity is a social construct, it isn't biological (the tearing of the hymen during the first sexual intercourse is not as linear as it may seem). i understand if you value it, but you must understand that your first sexual encounter wasn't what it was supposed to be like.
i want you to understand that being raped/sexually abused and having sex are totally different things. having sex is an expression of your will, it is something you do without being coerced, whilst being assaulted is not something you choose in any way.
you were in a place in your life where you felt comfortable with some behaviors, some conducts, but not with others. it is perfectly acceptable if you only want to hold someone's hand or to kiss someone. intimacy should never be constrained, it should be earned, because it consists not only of physical demonstrations, but also of emotional ones. that person broke your trust from the moment he pressured you into something you did not want.
it doesn't matter how old you are, how "sexually experienced" you may be (and please understand that i'm using that term with lots of reservations), how many relationships you have been on. your body, your rules. people are allowed to do what they want, as long as it doesn't affect others. if you're feeling pressured by someone to do anything, you must immediately re-evaluate your relationship with that person.
regarding your actual boyfriend, i won't recommend a course of action. i won't say you should break up with him because he doesn't understand what you've been through, and i won't say you should stay together and endure his improper comments. i'll say, however, that you should consider what you're really looking for in a partner (mirroring friendly stripped swan's words), so you can understand what you want from now on.
try to have a conversation with your boyfriend, so you can explain him your side of the story. however, don't put up with any crap that makes you feel inferior in any way.
please, know that you're worthy. we are here to listen whenever you feel like talking.
nevertheless, i'd like you to consider consulting with a professional. we're doing the best we can to help, but we're not, in any way, prepared to handle this kind of situations the way a trained health professional is. if you don't feel prepared to talk someone "in real life" right now, try to start small, like telling a close friend. you already made a great damn effort to talk to us, and i want you to know how brave you are for that, but it is important you now go through this path, knowing you'll never be alone.
please, stay safe!
let me begin by congratulating you. you are a freaking great person and i hope you understand how brave you are for all you've been enduring and, mostly, for wanting to break free from that abusive household.
as someone who knows a little bit about those kinds of situations, let me tell you that the abuser usually tries to make their partner feel isolated, like they have no one to turn to. even if you feel you don't have your family or your friends by your side, you should know there are always other structures to help you on times like these. however, and i can't stress this enough, it's important you try to strengthen the bonds you have with your friends and with your family.
like it has already been said, if you got through that, you can get through anything! it'll be hard, picking yourself up, but you will never be alone.
whenever you need it, mellowtalk will be right here.
until then, stay strong!
first of all, it's really good that you came here to vent. sometimes, talking about the way you're feeling can act as a great catharsis. it can also help you understand your thoughts in a more well-organized way.
now, about all that despair, that helplessness you're feeling, and the shame you've now ingrown in you.
i understand you don't feel comfortable, at all, with the way your life's turned out to be.
however, i feel you're setting your own goals in a depersonalized way. you're trying to evaluate your life by the accomplishments of your family and maybe that's not the way for you to go.
when you say your life has turned out bad, maybe what you should be saying is that your life hasn't turned out the way you expected it to. and, maybe, that's not a bad thing by itself.
i would recommend you to re-evaluate your goals, understand how you can accomplish them and, most of all, assess if they seem to be possible at this time of your life. if you feel like you need to set new goals for yourself, then do it. everything is possible, but sometimes things need a little time.
try to work on yourself one thing at a time, find the things that are dragging you down the most, and begin by attacking them directly.
right now, you're in a vulnerable position. you're feeling useless and down. try to understand that, most of all, you are not useless, you are not a waste of space. you're important and valuable, and all you're going through right now is completely normal.
sometimes we feel like we haven't accomplished enough, like we should be further away in life. however, most of the time, we're looking at it with the wrong perspective. i'm pretty sure you've made your own valuable accomplishments by now, even if you don't see them as such.
work on yourself, step by step, and things will eventually get better. until then, i hope you stay alright!
there are lots of ways to deal with anxiety. however, only you can find what works for you and what doesn't.
it's a rough path, but it's a path that will have its results.
you have some great recommendations in the comments, i couldn't have said it better myself, so i'm just gonna wish you good luck on your path!
first of all, avoidance is a very normal reaction when you feel anxious. there's no need for you to feel immature or unworthy just because you're reacting in an avoidant manner.
i'm sorry if my answer isn't going to be of great help, but i'm going to replicate (in a way) sweet young fox's words.
first of all, it's important you understand what type of situations you're avoiding.
then, it's all a matter of forcing yourself to go into those kind of situations.
i'm not telling you to dive right into them, head first, but take it a step at a time. actually, that's what they call baby steps.
force yourself to do something you don't want to/something you don't feel comfortable doing, but start with something very small. do it once a week.
then, when you start to feel "hey, this isn't really that bad", start to do it twice a week. then, when you feel you're ready to do that thing almost every day, convert the situation into something bigger. start to do it once a week, then twice a week, and then... well, you know the drill.
take it one step at a time, so you don't feel the urge to quit and to go back to your old self. if you need a little boost, try starting doing something that has an impact on the world and on the people around you (like volunteering, for example).
hope this helped you in any way! good luck!
you've already had a great answer, and i surely agree with what has been said, but i'll just add that i'd be good if you had some professional health regarding your trauma. i understand it can be tough, especially if you find yourself with no regular income, but there are affordable ways to get some help.
hope life treats you kindly, from now on, and please stay strong!
first of all, let me congratulate you for coming forward. you need a lot of courage to come clean about cutting and other kinds of self-harm. you're a really brave person for deciding to tell your parents.
now, i understand how difficult it must be for you to tell them, despite your intentions. if you feel you're ready to tell them, but you don't know how to do it, i'd recommend talking to a school counselor first, or some kind of professional, and then they could walk you through it.
talking to a health professional first might give you the lucidity you need to approach the issue with your parents. it can also provide you the tools to understand how to cope from now on.
from what i saw in the comments, you're currently trying to deal with your emotions in a harmful way, simply because they seem really messy. talking with someone first could be of great help.
don't forget, we're here for you. good luck, i hope it all goes well!
once again, friendly striped swan said some really wise things, some things to reflect upon, some things to take for the rest of your life.
life's hard, that's a fact. it may appear harder for some, but it comes a time when all of us feel how hard it can be.
i understand how hopeless you may be feeling, how you wish you demons weren't yours. trust me, i've been there and, sometimes, i feel myself falling again into that pit of despair.
nevertheless, i can assure you that, even if some of your days feel like a constant struggle, you'll find happiness again.
it hurts me to be this cliché, but happiness is not a constant feeling, which means that neither is sadness.
those things you're talking about, even if they can never be solved, are things you can learn to live with, things you can learn how to deal with. sometimes, things aren't meant to be fixed, they're meant to be understood in a different perspective.
it can be hard for you to understand this because, right now, you're hurting. it may be a different kind of hurting (not sadness, but numbness; tiredness, most of the time), but your hurting will take many forms during the course of your life.
some things just need a little time. if you feel you're unable to climb out of that well, let yourself rest in there for a while. then, climb right out of there when you're ready.
maybe you'll fall again, maybe you'll grab onto those walls and refuse to fall. whatever you do, just don't lose hope.
let me just assure you that, no matter what, better days will come. make it your own mission to seize them as hardily as you can!
first of all, i'm really sorry it took me so long to answer. some personal issues came along, some mental health related ones, and i haven't had the chance to come back here for some time.
i hope life has been kind to you since the last time you posted.
i understand how frustrated and how misunderstood you must have felt.
sometimes, doctors find it hard to see beyond the clinical records. you see, sometimes it's really hard, even for them, to understand how their patient is feeling. i am, in no way, trying to find excuses to explain what went wrong, but (and i can't stress this enough) all the things you plan on doing that have an effect on your health (direct or indirectly) must be evaluated by a professional.
if you see that you're not getting the right answers with the doctors you're currently seeing, please think about finding help elsewhere.
once again, i'm really, really sorry for not being present. however, that doesn't mean that i don't care. that doesn't mean that i've forgotten about you. that doesn't mean that you're alone.
right now, you're going through a rough path. and i can't begin to imagine how dark it can be. but, no matter how dark it gets, there's a light in the end. maybe it's not the light you want right now, but maybe it's what you'll need when the time comes.
until then, please, stay strong.
first of all, let me just say that friendly striped swan did a great job answering you. i undersign everything he/she said.
friendships can be tricky. try to understand if the hurt that person caused you is worse than the hurt of not having that person in your life anymore. find out what you want and go for it.
sometimes friends hurt each other, it's only natural for it to occur. the problem is when that person is hurting you because they want to, not when they don't know that they're doing it.
i really hope things worked out well!
first of all, i'm really sorry you feel like your parents wouldn't accept you if you told them the truth. unfortunately, i cannot confirm nor deny that.
a lot of issues come from people's cultural background; acceptance, sometimes, being one of them.
however, i feel the need to tell you that acceptance is something you have to do for yourself, not something others have to provide you. i understand how hard it must be, being in a position like that, but i would never tell you to hide who you are. i want you to feel comfortable with the person you are and i want nothing but having the chance to see you embrace your own uniqueness.
telling your parents about your sexual orientation is a choice only you can make. it's not something you can be rushed or pressured to do, you must do it on your own terms and by your own rules. do it when you feel ready to do so, or don't do it at all if you never feel ready.
however, i must warn you. whatever you choose, it comes with its own set of consequences.
i'm sorry life's not what it should be, i'm sorry there are so many freaking obstacles to your expression of individuality, but i want you to know this is a safe place. you can always come in here to vent, to tell us how you're feeling. from now on, you'll never be alone.
and remember that, if you weren't born, the world would be missing a lot more than it is right now with you in it.
anxiety can be a big part of someone's life, mostly because it's a heavy weight to get off from one's chest.
sometimes, anxiety is something inherent. some people are way more anxious than others, sometimes without a tangible cause, which doesn't make it less important.
other times, however, anxiety doesn't come from within, it revolves around external factors.
the first thing i'd recommend you to do is to evaluate (or re-evaluate) your current situation. what do you think is stressing you out?
find the root of your problem and try to attack it directly.
then, try to find something that helps you when you're feeling anxious. i'm not going to tell you what, that's something you gotta find yourself, but the people who commented here have given you extremely good advice.
you're always welcome to share and you're always welcome to talk about what's bothering you! hope you're staying okay!
this has been mentioned by other people, but your behavior is not only reprehensible, you could also be legally charged (depending on the country you're living in).
first of all, it's important you recognize you're a threat to others and to yourself (this has also been mentioned, sorry if i'm being insistent). i think you've already began to understand it, by coming in here and expressing yourself.
there's not a lot i can recommend, except finding professional help.
you've expressed fear of being judged, and i can understand how hard it may be for you to talk about this to someone, but you may be on the verge of doing something you will severely regret. try to talk to someone you trust first, explain them how you're feeling, and then get yourself a health professional, to help you deal with these thoughts.
you're currently facing a dichotomous situation, which can lead you into a lot of stress. i'm not saying you have unresolved trauma, psychopathic tendencies or anything of the sort - that's something only a real doctor can tell you.
try to distance yourself from anything that you can use to harm others or yourself, even if your impulses tell you to do so.
⚓︎i'm sorry it's taking me so long to answer you again.
always feel free to express yourself (if it doesn't harm anyone else), because it's a right you possess.
no need to thank me for anything and i hope you're currently feeling okay!
⚓︎i'm answering with a big delay, but i just want you to know that i'm reading this.
i hope you're currently feeling better, a lot less tired, and i hope this was just some temporary disposition (despite the insomnia you mentioned in the comments).
however, the advice you got was pretty good, sometimes it isn't "just in your head", it's "also in your body". i'm happy to know you have a balanced diet, but asking a doctor about it (as you said you would do, if given the chance) is always a good option.
i really hope you're okay now! take care!
⚓︎it's pretty common ditching your hobbies when you're feeling down, it's a matter of lack of motivation.
unfortunately, the waiting is impossible to avoid, but there are some ways for you to take your mind of things. all the hobbies you mentioned are things you engage in without any commitment. how'd you feel with starting something you had to go to? something you'd feel comfortable doing once you started it, but also something that'd make you go.
⚓︎not my quote, i'm not taking any credit. it's probably one of those that just exist without anyone knowing the source. nevertheless, it's a great one.
congrats on your big achievement! i understand how though that must have been for you. you rock!
in this kind of situations, there's a quote that i very much appreciate. "if they can't fix it in 10 seconds, don't point it out".
sometimes people are just dumb, sometimes they wanna be mean. ignoring isn't easy, at all, but it's the kind of treatment they deserve.
⚓︎human beings are essentially always torn between being logical and racional and being illogical and sensitive. you're not undeserving; you have your bad days, your bad situations, like everybody else. you deserve support, comprehension and all the help you need, regardless of where it comes from.
it's okay, i can give you some information without compromising my identity. i'm a college student, but i'm not studying psychology ou psychiatry.
those are things that you can solve or learn to deal with if you get yourself some professional help. getting rid of them or not it's your choice, but it'd be good if you had all the options to make an informed choice. when i wrote about things that are impossible to avoid, i was referring to your own self, to the things you feel, to the things you experience. those are things that won't go away, the things you need to work on for the rest of your life.
well, what kind of things do you like to do? you have already talked about sports (walking and running), but it's difficult for you because of the discharge. do you have any other kind of hobbies? or something you'd like to try, but haven't had the chance to do so?
talking to other people is always a good way to decide how to deal with your own situations. you'll discover that some of them know exactly what you're going through and that can be quite helpful.
don't worry, i want you to talk about it, so i can know how to help you. also, i'm here to listen, so there's nothing you can say that'd make me stop to care.
⚓︎well, feeling like you're stuck in a vicious cycle is actually a vicious cycle by itself. and, unfortunately, there isn't an easy way out, but there's one. to get out of there, you need to take a step out. simple as that, but difficult as hell. what we need to do is find the place where that cycle might be easier to break.
i'm really sorry for not having a word to make it better for you, but, at the end of the day, you'll be the same person you were before. it doesn't matter if you're male or female, if you have a penis or not, your insides will still be the same. we should be working on trying an acceptance speech, trying to understand what could make you feel better about yourself right now and in the long-term. people can change, but they can't run from who they are. you are your own individual, unique as a snowflake, and you should be proud of that. it's okay if you can't see that now, i can hold on for the both of us, but i'd like it if we could make an effort to work on that. there's no one else in this world like you and that's actually something great!
every little thing you can use to accept yourself, every small change you can make (like wearing men's underwear, which you mentioned earlier), even the tinniest detail is something you should pursue. explore all your options, try to talk to people you know who've been in similar situations, find professionals who can guide you through all of it, read books, watch documentaries, inform yourself about all the choices you have to make and all the possible outcomes.
crying is okay, you know? it's a natural response to feeling sad, to feeling stressed, to feeling overwhelmed.
you'll have to stand up to all of these obstacles someday. it's okay if you can't do it right now, it's okay if you don't feel ready to do so. but we can work on that and we will, so you'll be prepared to do it eventually.
avoiding this indefinitely is not a solution, but sometimes you have to take your mind of things so you can look at them differently. some of them are impossible to avoid and would impair your life if you did so, and maybe those are the ones we need to address first.
⚓︎thank you for sharing that!
it's really important that people understand that most of us don't feel comfortable with our bodies at all.
also, i really appreciate the way that lady resorted to her own insecurities to make you feel more comfortable about yourself. a big shout-out to her!
you don't have to feel embarrassed at all, this is actually a common feeling.
do you have any idea about what could be causing this obsession? is there anything about this girl that draws your attention, anything particular?
how would you describe your relationship with her?
⚓︎i'm glad you feel that way and i'm really happy you moved outta that place!
you know, i used to have a hard time with my parents. they used to put a lot of pressure on me, all because of my grades. i was a great student, because i loved learning, but then it all became an obligation and my will to learn just vanished into thin air. consequently, my grades started to drop, and that was when i realized that i shouldn't be trying to live up to their expectations. i was my own person and i had to play by my rules. we only have one life and we shouldn't have to live it the way others want us to, even when those others are people we care so much about.
i understand that all they wanna do is help us, guide us through life, prevent us from screwing things over. but we're the only ones who have the right to choose what we want to do.
so, if you feel you're not being listened, if you feel you're being put under pressure, just try to ignore it. i know it's not the best option, but, temporarily, it really is something. you start to know how to avoid their intrusive behavior and you start to develop other coping skills, all by yourself, and those'll suit you more.
you're not the person your parents think you are. you're the person you have to face everyday when you wake up, the person you have to face everyday when you go to sleep and you're alone with your thoughts. don't try to improve the person they think you are; try to improve the person you really are, so you can become the person you want to be.
if you feel the need to share, or to vent, you've definitely come to the right place. i'll be here whenever you need to and we can talk about anything that could be bothering you. you're always welcome!
⚓︎well, i usually come here at least once a day. however, sometimes, i spend a little bit of time without coming, but the first thing i do when i have the opportunity is to check all the recent posts. and i always come back to see what people have responded. we can work on everything you need.
i understand moving can be difficult, because you leave a lot of things behind. how are you holding on regarding that aspect?
math is really fun, and you have a lot of paths to choose from that. but don't worry, you have time to make that decision.
maybe it'd be nice if you could have a chat with your dad, explaining him that pressuring you isn't gonna make you choose faster and that going into university earlier isn't always the best solution.
even if it is normal, there are usually some ways to help you deal with it on a daily basis.
those are all very good ways to make you more comfortable, and excellent ways to cope. of course, with regard to your health, i recommend always asking a doctor's opinion. all options have their pros and their cons, so it's always a better idea to check with a professional and with someone who knows your medical history.
if you need to talk, mellowtalk is always here for you. from now on, you'll never be alone.
⚓︎no need to thank me.
being aware that something is wrong is the first step towards a change. and you've already done that, so congrats.
things will change. they'll get better, no matter how much time it takes.
⚓︎maybe that was because it was a different situation, a different experience. happiness isn't only about laughing and smiling, sometimes it's about feeling calm, at ease, being comfortable with someone.
we all have different people in our lives, and we all have different relationships with them. having a different kind of relationship with two different people doesn't mean you like one more than the other, and it also doesn't mean one of them makes you happier.
⚓︎well, it does not matter what their reasons are. they are wrong and there's nothing that can excuse their behavior.
most of all, you shouldn't have to put up with it.
it's not your fault, you know? there's nothing that justifies a parent treating their child that way.
⚓︎well, i think we can now say you're not alone.
sure, i'm not physically by your side, but i'm still a person. and i care. and there are more people that care about you in here.
always feel free to post if you want some advice or if you only want to vent. there's always someone to listen. there's always someone who cares.
have you tried to make her understand that being a stripper is something that could upset your father? and also something that upsets you and your sister?
maybe she feels she's doing something wrong and that's why she threatened you. it's not, at all, excusable, but maybe it'd be a good idea to understand how it all began, her reasons to start doing it and why she doesn't want to tell your father.
⚓︎in my country, unfortunately, halloween isn't that big a deal.
however, me and my friends really love it. and this year, like every year, we'll have a sleepover, watch scary movies and eat all the junk food we want. we'll also play some games, if we find the time.
moreover, it's kinda lame, but i'm gonna dress up as a vampire!
⚓︎you're not weak for letting your emotions show. you're also not weak for feeling things, specially when they're appropriated.
isn't there any way you can explain them how their actions are making you feel?
you say you live with a roommate. is he just someone you know or is he some sort of friend?
i really hope everything goes well with the abortion. even though you don't have anyone to go with you, i'll spend some time thinking about you on friday, and, afterwards, if you feel comfortable doing so, i'd appreciate if you could come here to tell us how everything went and how you'll be doing.
it's really great you're having the opportunity to study in a better place, to improve yourself. tell me, do you have any idea about what you want to major in?
about your body, have you ever considered getting the opinion of another doctor? maybe there's something that can help you control that aspect.
also, is there anything you could do that maybe would get you more comfortable with your body? you say you don't wanna transition, and that is, of course, your decision. but is there anything you'd like to do that would make you feel better?
i understand you're in a really bad position right now. and i understand how frustrating it must be not getting all the answers or, at least, some of them. we can work on that!
⚓︎“so i died many times that year.
in the cold, in the storm, on the run or on the drunk for my heart did not want to beat
but kept on beating anyway
and my pain was as real as real can be,
and i tried to learn and deal and run and feel
but nothing really worked.
i built a comfortable home in my sorrow and settled into a quiet living. no sparks or grand gestures, just a simple daily hymn to comfort. the leaves fell off the trees and coloured this city in all kinds of pretty, and some days that was enough to make me smile at least a little bit, within.”
- charlotte eriksson
⚓︎a prenup is a contract signed between the two parts, where they show their interest in getting married and define some terms about the marriage itself.
advantages and disadvantages depend on the place where the parts are signing it.
⚓︎all patients have the right to a confidential medical service. however, in some situations, doctors have to bend that rule. one of those is in the context of child protection. i cannot tell you with certainty how your doctor would proceed, but i can tell you that, being you in a situation of harm, it wouldn't be right of him to expose to your parents what you told him.
i have no clue about the situation of mental abuse in the us, but i'm almost sure jail isn't the only legal procedure to that. you can find that information online or asking an adult.
however, if you don't feel comfortable telling your doctor, you can go to your school counselor. the confidentiality terms are different and you can always ask about it before starting to explain what took you there.
i have no idea what you did (and i'm definitely not forcing you into telling me), but i doubt it's something unforgivable. their approval may seem important to you (and that's logical, they're your parents), but you have to put yourself and your health first.
it's okay to scream and cry every now and then, but we want it to decrease. we want you to life a happy life, and a happy life is not always perfect, sometimes it has some "scream and cry" moments. the reverse, however, is not acceptable. and that's why we'll take care of it.
it's great you found a friend, a best friend, but it's okay if you haven't told them much about your personal life. it takes time to build trust and it's okay to take things slow. having someone by your side is a great way to deal with some intrusive thoughts that will arise. this is, definitely, a great thing that has happened to you!
about depression itself, medication is usually a choice. if you don't feel comfortable taking meds, you can use therapy. nowadays, there are lots of different approaches to treatment. you can choose one or more options, depending on your needs and on your resources. for more information (to choose the best for you), a professional would be required.
⚓︎welcome back! even if the situation itself isn't positive, it's good to hear from you once again. and it's good to know you actually got better after our last talk.
i'm gonna have to start by saying you're really brave to write all of this. remember you'll always have a safe place in here, no matter what, but, unfortunately, we're only capable of listening and replying. the last time, i told you to find an adult of trust to expose all of this (a doctor, a teacher, your school counselor, etc.) and i stand by my opinion. it's important you find someone who is able to help you irl and no doctor in their right mind will tell your parents what you confided him. you'd have to feel comfortable to tell all of this to someone, but it would be better if you did. once you get it out of your chest, someone will be able to help you.
the situation you described is, indeed, mental abuse. in my country, that is a crime, which means there are legal procedures to help the child and to solve the situation. as i don't know where you're from, i cannot speak about your legal system. however, finding an adult of trust also means you're getting help from someone who is informed and capable of dealing with your case in the best way possible. don't let your fear stop you from getting the help you need. it may feel frightening at first, but it's a small step towards a better life.
i really like your mindset: "look what i’ve been through. i was born in hell and made it out alive on my own. i conquered this obstacle and i can do it again."
you're right, you'll conquer it. because you're a badass. and badass people always conquer their obstacles, no matter how much time it takes.
however, it is important we get you through all of this in the best way we can. you shouldn't have to face everything alone, and you won't. we'll be here, every day, to listen to you.
maybe you should start developing other coping strategies, until that appointment comes. the first time we talked, you mentioned listening to music. then, the second time, you talked about opening up to a close friend who could understand you. those are great ways to cope, to deal with the situation you're going through. are there any more coping strategies that come to your mind that could be useful in your life?
you are not selfish, you are not worthless, you are not lazy. their words don't define who you are. you are just a kid, dealing with some issues. you are in a situation that gets you depressed and anxious, a situation of abuse. a situation that isn't, by all means, your fault.
you shouldn't have to live a life you don't want, you shouldn't have to be forced to learn something, you shouldn't have to be mentally abused the way you are.
and that, my friend, will change. you just need to have a little faith and hang on a little bit more.
throw away those painkillers, because you won't need them. trust me, you won't. i didn't, after all, and that's the only reason i'm talking to you right now.
this is probably the most-used phrase of all time, but it does get better. and, if it gets better for others, there's no reason it won't get better for you.
just hang on and take care!
⚓︎going to the dentist for the first time in such a long time is a pretty big step. i'm sure the professionals will give you different options to fix your teeth, so you can choose the one that suits you better.
also, your landlord seems like such a nice person. he's the kind of person i mentioned on our last convo, the kind of person that'll help you if you ask them to. and he won't be the only one, more people will care. there's always hope.
there's always going to be people who care. not only us, but also people in "real life", people who are in a better position to help you in different ways. until then, hope you can get through it all.
it's okay not to be strong all the time. you don't have to feel weak or pathetic for crying in front of your kids. i'm sure they don't see you that way.
remember what we talked about last time. your bad choices are now in the past. now, you have to worry not to dwell on them. the choices that matter are the ones you make from now on.
it's good you still come here to vent. since the last time you came here, haven't there been any positive developments?
blabbering and gibbering, gibbering and blabbering, then all the ideas you had about something just vanish and you're left with nothing but shame.
there's no shame on being unable to talk to people. it's actually pretty common not knowing how to answer something when you're being asked a question or even how to clarify your thoughts. in the first case, you are simply absent, your mind is somewhere else, and it takes you a little while to adjust to reality. in the second case, words just don't come easy to you. and it's fine when that happens, because it happens to all of us. however, maybe it happens a little bit more to you and you feel like it's creating some issues in your social life.
if you feel you're having problems to talk to people, you can use some of this advice:
- begin the conversation by saying how you'll probably say something without any sense. the other person will take it as a peculiarity and will probably just laugh. understand that they're not laughing at you, they're just laughing because you made it easier to start the conversation. you'll feel both more comfortable that way.
- try to make some small talk. yes, i know it can be hard, but try to practice it at home, so you'll feel more prepared. usually, in small talk, people tend to answer you nearly the same. those regularities will make you more at ease.
- understand that a conversation is not only about talking, but also about listening. it's perfectly okay if, at the beginning, you start as an active listener. let other people do the talk for a while and join into the conversation when you feel like you're ready to do it. you can always participate with your body language (nod your head, make eye contact, etc.).
- find some people who enjoy the same things you do. whether you have the same hobby, or you both love animals or reading to the same kind of books, it'll be a lot easier being in a conversation where you master the topic. words may fail you at first, but you'll always find your way through the obstacles.
- try to ask questions instead of making statements. not only will you make a good impression (because it means you're paying attention to what they're saying), but it'll also take away some of the responsibility of maintaining the topic.
- and, last but not least, if you don't feel comfortable at all starting a conversation, don't do it. i know that, sometimes, it's imperative. but, if you have a choice, and you feel like you can't do it at the moment, just postpone it. i'm not telling you to avoid conversation, obviously, but try to start with what makes you more comfortable.
also, just a little tip. when people suddenly talk to you (and you're not prepared), just say "sorry, i wasn't paying attention, can you please repeat what you were saying?". this'll make people repeat (and sometimes rephrase) what they asked you, which'll give you more time to think about your answer.
⚓︎yes, you're right. recovery it's a hard step, confronting your issues and fighting your battles requires a lot of courage. it's important to understand this, to appreciate people who try to change and to help people who are unable to do it for themselves.
it's okay to get help and it's even better to be helped. it's possible to live a better life, no matter what situation is going on at the moment.
no storm lasts forever.
⚓︎it's great you could write this. it's always good to tell someone about your feelings, to try to make some sense of everything.
antidepressants, as you may know, have a lot of side effects. that's why some people choose not to take them. however, it's also a good choice to take them. it all depends on the concrete situation. no matter what you do, always take your therapist's judgment into consideration.
that feeling of numbness is one of the side effects of antidepressants. it is, perhaps, a good idea to talk to your therapist about what you're feeling. he/she may have a word to say about it.
and don't worry, everything will work out as it's supposed to!
you're talking about a big change. however, that change can have different reasons.
do you have any idea about what could have changed? is there something in your life that could have caused it?
⚓︎it makes you proud and it also makes me proud! you go!
just because he doesn't appreciate those little changes, those tiny wins, it doesn't mean they are not worth something. they are worth a lot.
it's all about him understanding your position, and about you doing a little more effort on "instructing" him. relationships, sometimes, take a little bit of that extra, boring effort
⚓︎depression is something you have to deal with, but it's also something that comes with you. it doesn't define you, but it is part of your life. it's important you feel that the people around you accept that.
maybe it's time you both have a conversation about it, both of you explaining how you feel.
it's surely hard for you both having that kind of fights about it.
and yes, it really is very brave of you to admit your feelings. and it'll also take a lot of bravery to talk to him about it. but remember that, in a relationship, there are some key factors, like trust and communication. work on them and everything will fall into its right place
⚓︎hi there, buddy!
are you talking about the sensation of numbness? the one where you feel like you should be feeling something, because things are happening around you, but still you feel nothing at all? that one feeling where you wonder if there's a black pit between you and the world, and the pit is just absorbing all the sensations? the one where you can't help to think like you don't belong here, or there, or, in short, everywhere?
it doesn't matter if your life is great, if you have lots of friends, money, excellent grades, a good family environment or the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend. that feeling does not discriminate, it does not differentiate people for who they are or for what they have.
however, it is important to understand why you feel that way. first, try to do it yourself. then, try to talk to someone. if you see you need some professional help, it's okay for you to obtain it.
it may seem like nothing now, but we don't want it to evolve into something else. there are lots of ways to deal with that but, first, it is important for you to identify exactly what it is.
it's okay to ask for help and i think that's a great place to start!
first of all, i'd like you to know how brave you are for standing up for yourself. even when in a situation of abuse, you were capable of confronting the abuser. it isn't normal for people to do that and you deserve a lot of praise for your courage.
now, from what i can understand, the main problem right now is your current household.
your stepmother may have caused you a lot of harm (and i'm sure she did), but you have to remember it's all now in the past. she's nothing but a bad memory, she can't hurt you anymore. it's obvious she has left you some scars, but all you can do with those is learning how to move on. all you feel about her is valid, and it may affect your present and future life, but you are now the one in control.
right now, though, it's your mother's relationship with your stepfather that's causing most of the trouble. it's really, really hard to get caught up in a situation like that. your mom, of course, is feeling hurt and betrayed. your stepfather seems not to understand her feelings. without creating any damage for yourself, you could steer your mom down that difficult path. maybe she also needs help, maybe she needs to vent to someone, or some wise advice. you seem mature enough to help her. but remember that it's not a good idea to help someone if you're not on a good place yourself. define your limits and act within them. the same goes with your little sister, for you can act as a compass in her life.
if you see your own situation is getting worse, please try to get some professional help. there's always someone in a position to help, whether it's your family doctor or your school counselor. try to understand how willing you are to seek professional help and, when you think you might be ready, do it. a lot of the things you are experiencing, like anxiety, sleeping problems, eating disorders, etc., are serious issues. although there's always someone in here if you need to let off some steam, it's important that you get help from someone who is qualified to do it.
i could tell you that 2 years are nothing. and it's true, 2 years are a tiny period of time. however, 2 years in suffering are not nothing. they are a lot. and you deserve to find a solution to all this.
things will get better. they will. and, whenever you need, we're here to listen. just try to hold on and remember that it's okay to ask for help.
⚓︎welcome to mellowtalk, buddy!
if you see they're not inviting you, how about you being the one taking the first step? sometimes, people have this wrong idea. they think that, for them to invite you, you have to show them you're interested. maybe try to invite them all to dinner, or to the cinema. something y'all fancy. next time, they'll feel morally "obligated" to invite you. and you'll start a laudable cycle, in which you will have the opportunity to blend in exactly the way you want to.
i have to admit, it seems you're still coping using pain. however, if that's the alternative you found, it'll have to do for now. just try to work on a better one for future situations, "explore" yourself, try to find what makes you feel better.
make that list! that's a great way to celebrate your best qualities! include everything that crosses your mind!
and, then, let me know how it made you feel
⚓︎opioids are substances that can cause euphoria. when in an euphoric state, people "overreact". instead of feeling insecure, they feel paranoid; instead of becoming nasty, they become actually mean.
so, yeah, it is normal
you say they don't see your relationship in the same light, but that doesn't mean they don't see you as their friend. people usually have different approaches when it comes to friendship, they value different things.
however, it sucks when you feel you're giving much more than what you have in return. it sucks feeling like they don't appreciate you enough or like they don't care enough.
what you're feeling is normal and it's okay to feel that. it's a natural human impulse to feel like you don't belong somewhere.
perhaps try to remember all the times that a friend of yours surprised you in a positive way. all the times someone came to you and remembered you for something. all the times someone gave you an unexpected gift or remembered something you told them about yourself. you'll see that, at the end of the day, there are a lot of those moments. and what is life if not the sum of all those little moments?
cutting may feel like an escape, but it'll just trap you even more with each time you get that blade closer to your skin. trust me, i've been there.
there are a lot of alternatives, things you can do instead of cutting, that can help you ease that urge. draw on the place you use to cut with a washable marker and then go take a bath. watch your favorite movie. play with a pet (if you have one). hug a pillow. color with crayons. google yourself. sing. use your imagination, it's limitless. do something that you know can wash away some of the pain.
and for the last one, you've already done it. talk to someone. you came in here and you talked to us. and, let me tell you, that was a very smart thing to do. you'll always have a safe place in here to vent, there's always someone around.
i know this may sound corny, or even worn out, but everything will be okay. this, too, will pass. you won't feel this way forever, but you have to find a way to deal with your present feelings. maybe try to make an appointment with a therapist and tell him/her what you've been feeling lately. there's no shame in asking for help when you're needing it. if you don't feel ready just yet, we'll be here to walk you through it.
please, take care of yourself! and remember we'll always be here for you
⚓︎it's normal for you to feel that way. you've been fighting for so long that being tired or exhausted is nothing but a regular outcome.
the fact that you can analyze your past and understand what went wrong is a very good sign. as a matter of fact, even if most of it is not your fault (like your mother's neglect), the truth is that you still have the power to overcome negative situations, like getting out of those bad relationships. you understand you got into them because you felt susceptible and, from now on, you can improve. you'll think two times before getting into a new one that could cause you harm. it's hard to blame you on that, because you have a difficult past that you're still learning how to deal with.
i can assure you you've been a great mother, because only a mother who cares about her children can put herself in the position to ask for help. i really hope that, one day, someone sees in your daughter the talent she has, someone that is able to invest in her, that can help her grow as an artist. and i understand you're giving them the best you can, which makes you a terrific mother, but i really hope that they'll get lucky, that they'll get an opportunity to show the world how great they can be.
it's good for you to vent. and there'll always be someone in here who's ready to listen. you don't have to thank me for that, trust me, i just want you to get an opportunity to change your life.
and i care about you. and, like me, someone will care. and, unlike me, that person will have the chance to really help you turn your life around.
don't lose hope!
⚓︎you don't need a reason to feel sad. you don't need a reason to validate the way you're feeling. you don't need to have had a terrible life of suffering to justify your emotions. if you feel sad, empty, angry, anxious or afraid, the important thing is that you learn how to deal with it.
don't feel pretentious for not corresponding to the ideas others have of having to be miserable to feel miserable. don't feel like you're a fraud just because you don't correspond to the role of the "ideal victim".
don't be sorry for taking your time to explain your situation. this is a safe place for you to vent. always take the time you need, there'll always be someone who reads what you have to say.
i think that, most of all, it is important to you to develop some skills to deal with your feelings. you told us about overthinking things and that is something that, with some training, you'll be able to control after some time. since you've referred to be someone with a good familiar structure, maybe it would be a good idea if you asked your parents to take you to a therapist (that is, if you don't already have one). therapy is the key to a lot of behavioral changes that can impact one's life to the extent of modifying even the worst feelings.
lastly, i would like to ask you this: from this day on, if you feel like you're on a dangerous situation, if you feel like you could hurt yourself, please come in here to talk to us first. sometimes, having a nice chat is enough to prevent something bad from happening. always wait a little bit for a response. however, if you really feel like you can't manage it on your own, try to contact someone that can help, there are a lot of resources available that you can use.
it is very fortunate for me that you're still alive, despite what you may think. thank you for sharing and i hope that you feel better about yourself now.
⚓︎first of all, you are a really strong person. even if there's no one to help you pay the bills, you made the decision to distance yourself from those people who were hurting you and you deserve to know how proud that makes me. it doesn't matter if the people who hurt you are your friends, your family or your boyfriends, they don't deserve your time, your love or even your consideration.
let me just tell you that, sometimes, i cannot help but think that the world is just an insanely unfair mess. the choices you made were the choices you made, it doesn't matter if they could be better or not, it's important for you not to dwell on the past and to continue living in the present and for the future. try to make the best choices now.
i bet your kids are really proud of you and i bet they acknowledge the efforts you make to raise them well. the school should be helping them get a better start in life. if you feel like the school isn't doing a proper job, try talking to your children and ask them if there's any teacher they trust. then, go talk to that teacher and try to explain your situation (notice that you don't have to tell them everything, just what you feel comfortable with. maybe say you're struggling financially and, about your eldest, say that she really needs help with math). usually, teachers know how to help the kids in school and, when forewarned about any situation, they get to keep an eye on the kid. school isn't just about teaching science or literature, it's about providing children the tools they'll need in the future. if the school isn't doing that, it's failing miserably.
also, if you see your kids are getting harmed, get help from the school counselor. bullying is never okay!
it's okay for you to get help and i can see that, right now, you need it the most. you mentioned the food bank, and sure, food is a basic need, but try to search more institutions and foundations to help you with your health, for example. look into it, get as much help as you possibly can.
however, no matter what you do, please don't lose hope! i can understand you're struggling with a difficult situation, something that's been going on for some time now, but you have to believe things will get better. do it for you and do it for your children. it's going to take some time to get your life back on the tracks, but it'll happen.
remember that good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who stand up and take action! find help just like you found us. and don't forget to come here if you need to vent, i'm always around to listen.
on a final note, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. and, to me, your soul is beautiful. i'm sure the rest is just not that important to the people who love you, the only ones who you should care about.
⚓︎first of all, you should know that is a very normal feeling. it usually happens when you've developed trust issues due to some damaging event.
it's okay to feel that, as long as you don't let that fear control you. being suspicious or not letting your guard down are mechanisms of self-defense, things you do to protect yourself from a possible deception. however, if you let it hold you down, you won't be able to reach your full potential and it'll impair the way you see others and even yourself.
try to understand that what you're feeling (even though it's valid and real) does not correspond to reality itself. your mind is tricking you into not letting your guard down and it's depriving you of some nice experiences.
nevertheless, trust issues can be a major pain in the ass. they'll haunt you down on your lowest and even on your highest. that is something you have to change, but you have to be ready to work on it.
if you want to talk a little more about it, you can try to open up with me and we'll walk it through.
⚓︎if you had the might to (kind of) win over your dad, you'll also succeed with your mum. it may take a little more time, but she'll come around when she understands that your happiness is what really matters. money and social status are just means, not ends.
your girlfriend did a very sweet thing by trying to impress them, but she should remember that the person she is now should be enough for them, as it is for you. your parents should accept her as she is, regardless of clothes, job, religion, etc.
they've placed you on an unfair position. this is not about choosing, it's about accepting other people's feelings. i know that you don't want to hurt anyone, so you'll have to put your foot down and stand by your ideals in the most delicate way you can.
and, above all else, share your feelings with the ones involved. try to explain them how this situation is making you feel and try to keep a tidy environment. when people put their beliefs above others, sometimes they don't see things very clear. communication might be the key to solve all this.
⚓︎i've also seen it and i also care. seems life has given you a whole lot of lemons and you don't have a jar to put the lemonade you should be making.
however, no matter what you do, please don't lose hope. as i've said to other people before you, sometimes all it takes is just a small change. life may be hard right now, but it will get better (and i'm pretty sure about that).
hope is something you inherently have, a slender light inside of you that sometimes seems to not shine. if you feel you're losing yourself, or losing that little piece of hope you still have, please come here and talk to us.
try to find something (or someone) in your life that could act as a lifeguard. try to find someone that can help you make a change, a friend or an institution, and start working on improving your situation.
i'm sure you'll work it out and i'm sure that, with some help, you'll find a way to give yourself the life you deserve.
in the meantime, know that things take time. and, if things are taking a little more time than what they should, know that it's because what you'll have will be even better than what you're expecting.
don't lose hope and remember that, no matter what, you'll always have someone in here that cares about you!
⚓︎it seems like you have a shakespearean situation going on!
from what i could understand, you're in an healthy, happy relationship, with someone that seems to be an extremely wonderful person. hitherto, all okay.
but your parents seem to disagree and it keeps you in a very delicate position.
first of all, i think that you need to have a little talk with them. find out why they don't like her (i know that you said that's all about her not being middle class, but try to make them tell you their reasons, let them clarify it) and, then, try to explain to them why they're wrong. all the things that you love about her, tell them to your parents. make them understand why she's the one and why do you love her so much.
i would never tell you to argue with them, because they have your best interests at heart. you shouldn't have to start a feud to prove your point. try to reason with them the best you can.
however, maybe it is also important assuring your girlfriend (and maybe you've already done that) that your parents not liking her is not her fault. she can feel bad about it and you should prevent that from happening, because then you'd have two full problems on your hands.
breaking up with her is not the solution! even if it is important for you not to grow apart from your parents, you should remember that, at the end of the day, only you and your girlfriend matter (at least to what concerns your relationship).
maybe they just need some time to understand that she's really important to you and to come to their senses. give them that time and steer them as they walk that path.
⚓︎mood swings are like that, they usually change your appetite. it is a very normal symptom but you have to be careful not to eat less than what you're supposed to, so you won't feel bad in the future.
being alone to recharge is a sign that you're more of an introvert, right? it's good to learn how other people deal with depression, so you can find new ways to do it yourself. it's always important to know what works and what doesn't. all people have different methods to cope with their feelings.
i try to come here at least once a day. whenever you need someone, just pop in. it doesn't matter how you're feeling. if you're feeling okay, just come to have a nice chat. if you're feeling worse, we can deal with that.
⚓︎it's hard to answer that, it may be influenced by both situations or by neither one of them. your brain craves sweet things when you're in need of sugar. if you're eating healthier food, for instance, you don't have the need to eat as much sugar.
you say you're opening up with a friend, someone that shares some of your experiences, someone that understands you. how do you feel about having someone like that by your side?
also, how are you feeling right now?
⚓︎keep that attitude and go for every option you can. the important thing is that you get better.
those are all great picks! always keep listening to music as a coping mechanism, it really is one of the best.
⚓︎trying to lessen the blame really is manipulation, but it's great that you are able to recognize that. it will be hard for you to put this thing to rest, but i trust you'll succeed. good luck with this!
i will say this in the most blunt manner, but being depressed really sucks, doesn't it?
the thing is, not only are you depressed, but you also seem to not being able to get any help because of your family.
first of all, i compliment you on the way you use music to cope. unlike self-harm or other options, music is an healthy and clean way to cope with the way you're feeling. i don't know if you're talking about listening to music, about composing or about playing an instrument, but keep doing it (and rock on!).
on the other hand, it is important that you find an alternative. if you don't have the opportunity to talk to your doctor, you could try talking to a teacher or the school counselor. find an adult that you trust and try to start this hard conversation.
not only are you depressed, but you've also been having suicidal thoughts. when that happens, always tell someone. it is really, really important that you don't feel alone when this happens. so, please, always warn someone (and please remember, there'll always be someone in here who, sooner or later, will answer to your posts).
it's really, really hard to deal with this unpleasant thoughts. but the truth is that, if you're alone, things will seem a lot worse. try to get help in any way you can, without putting yourself in an uncomfortable position, and trust me when i say that things will get better (even if, right now, that seems impossible).
p.s. on a side note, what kind of music do you listen to?
⚓︎all people have different ideas about cheating. some people find it impossible to forgive, others don't. i personally find that, more than the act of forgiving, it's the act of trusting again that undermines the relationship.
first of all, what you have to do is to think about your own good. be as selfish as you need to be, because you have that right. remember that you're the one who got hurt and the one who got betrayed. i'm not telling you to hold any grudges, obviously, but try to understand what happened in a rational way, so she won't have the power to "play the victim" in this situation.
if you are unable to forgive her right now, that's okay. you are not wrong for doing so and you need to come to peace on your own terms. maybe you'll forgive her one day, maybe you won't. the important thing is that your conscience stays clean, so you won't regret your choices.
if i understood correctly, you want to break up with her, but she doesn't want you to do it. going against all her wishes, you'll have to find a way to keep distance. if she becomes threatening ou manipulative, resort to all the mechanisms you can find to keep her away from you.
it's a delicate situation to say goodbye to someone you trusted, someone you loved. take this time to think clearly about the way you'll do it, ask someone you know who has been in the same situation about what they've done and, then, focus only on yourself and on your recovery. it will be hard, but it will happen. and, until then, you'll always have someone in here to vent to
⚓︎you may not be superwoman, but you definitely are something else. however, it is okay for you to feel exhausted and drained. you live under a lot of pressure and you're starting to accuse it.
you say that people only care for what you do for them, but why would that make you worthless? from what i can see, you have a big role in the life of many people (including your children) and the way you play that role is selfless and caring. people may not see the best in you, but it's them who are wrong. you are an amazing person and you should never forget that.
you reached out for help and someone cared! i care about you and more people in here do so! if you find that you have nobody to talk to, come in here and vent.
it would be good for you to go see a therapist, but, if you find that hard to do, then there are always another options. if you want my advice, the first thing you have to do is find a little bit of time for yourself. it may be an hour a day, but don't let anything else come breaking into that hour. find something you love to do, something that gives you joy, and do it. without any excuses.
if you start to work a little bit on yourself, everything else will come to its place. sometimes, all it takes to fix your life is a little change. make that change and feel at ease as time will do the rest
⚓︎hey there! you've mentioned your parents and your boyfriend, but you haven't mentioned any friends. isn't there someone close to you, someone you can talk to about the way you've been feeling?
being numb is the worst, not being able to feel a thing makes it very hard to shed some light on your situation.
if you ever need someone to talk to, know that you'll find someone in here. however, if you have any possibility to find professional help, please do so. do what makes you more comfortable, but please try to help yourself the best way you can
⚓︎the people you want are not always the people you need. human beings tend to make things around them harder than they are, which could explain why those people you dated made it difficult to have a real commitment. however, one day, someone will come that will change that. things will flow, your relationship will thrive and you'll find that everything is way easier and that all the pain you had has gone away.
you should never lose hope in life and in love. but, before you find someone, try to find yourself first. try to pick yourself together, piece by piece, and let someone else mend you when the time comes
⚓︎i've never heard about confirmation until now. i didn't know this was something christian people "had" to go through.
however, i believe that every person has the right to live religion the way they want to. this means that you shouldn't feel obligated to add a saint's name to your name, even if your parents wish you to do so.
it's tricky to comment on a topic like this, because it may include some specific things about your culture and about the way you were educated as a child. it's also hard to change mentalities on a topic like this, so i doubt your parents will change their opinion.
if you are forced into confirmation, don't let it stop you from keeping your beliefs. if you're an atheist, it's alright. you can be whatever you want to be, as long as it doesn't harm other people. keep in mind that it's not the simple act of adding a name that makes you change the way you think, which means that, in every way, you'll keep on being an atheist (until the day you decide you want to be something else, and if that day comes). your beliefs are your beliefs, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, because no one has the power to control your ideas
⚓︎first of all, you need someone to tell you how great you were for breaking up with him. from what you told us, you were on an abusive relationship, with a guy that insulted and mistreated you. not only him, but also his friends and his mother. you are much better off without all of them in your life. for this, you need to be reminded that what you did takes a lot of courage and, for that, i deeply admire you.
now, even if you're not together anymore, the way he treated you may have left some scars. it may be hard for you to trust or to commit as you did before. what i want to tell you is that things will get better. i'm not asking you to forget your experience, because it shaped the person you are now, but try to make an effort to understand that not all people are like him. you don't need a relationship to be happy, but you can be happy in a relationship.
however, if he harasses or if he bothers you, try to warn someone you trust about that, so you can find a way to make him stop.
about the way you're feeling, know that you'll always have a safe place in here to vent. however, if you feel like things are starting to feel unbearable, and if you have the conditions to do so, try to get some professional help. we want to help you, but sometimes we don't know how to do so. you may need something we aren't able to get you, so you should try to find it elsewhere.
keep in mind that, no matter what happens, and no matter what you choose to do, you'll always have someone in here who's ready to listen to what you have to say
⚓︎sometimes, friendships navigate through some tough waves. however, it is simply a matter of time before things come to normal. not only you'll both have some time to adapt yourselves to this new reality, but you'll also start to find that your friendship will develop a stronger bond. i'm not trying to lessen your feelings (believe me, i've been there), but it's better if you don't sweat it.
on the other hand, if you're going through a hard and stressful time, you should focus on yourself. try to keep yourself as steady as you can and you'll ace it. good luck!
⚓︎it is a dreadful feeling, that one where all you can feel is that you are not good enough, that you are not as good as the others. however, even if that feeling is real (because it is real and it is valid), it doesn't mean that reality is like that. you may feel like people doesn't like you as much, or like they don't appreciate you as much, or even like they don't even see you as an option when choosing someone to hangout. step by step, try to fight that mindset. try to convince yourself that your mind is lying to you, because it is.
for me, it's almost impossible to see an individual as disposable. i could bet you are a terrific person, so full of your own individuality that it's hard to not think of you all the time. and the way you're thinking about your friends also shows us that you are a great friend and a nice person.
always feel free to vent, especially when you are feeling lonely. do it your own way, on your own terms. the important thing is that you feel comfortable while doing it
⚓︎from what i could understand, you are very talented. people may try to take everything away from you, but they will never be able to take that. things may seem tough right now, but try to hold on. while all that is happening, try to find another way to play soccer and try to focus on that. maybe something will show up and maybe life will give you a new opportunity to develop your career. if soccer is your dream, don't give it up. one day, you'll prove yourself and you'll understand every effort was worth it
⚓︎welcome! in here, you'll find a lot of people ready to simply listen to you or to give you some advice. if you need, message someone and try to tell your story. remember that, even though it may feel so, you are not alone
⚓︎"there are times you can't really see or even feel how sweet life can be. hopefully its mountains will be higher than its valleys are deep. i know things that are broken can be fixed. take the punch if you have to, hit the canvas and then get up again. life is worth it"
⚓︎i remember that, one time, i saw a movie where the protagonist said that, sometimes, all it takes is a few seconds of courage to make some changes in your life. it may be hard to do so, but maybe you just need a little impulse. try to join an academic group that focus on something you like or try to start approaching that one person in your school that seems as lost as you are. maybe the people in your group projects will start to make some contact, so just join their wave and try to take it one step at a time. i won't lie to you, it will be hard. but, in the end, something is going to change. and it's going to be for the better