⚓︎hey :) thanks so much for replying. yeah, she is an incredibly tough person. i have only really scratched the surface in describing the stuff she had to go through in her life. if i had been through a tenth of it myself i think i'd be a total wreck and barely able to function. and yet 90% of the time she has things totally together.
your description is completely right when you say that 'tough cookies are usually guarded and proud.' she has had to look after herself with no one else to rely on for so long that she is really self-reliant, but she also struggles with letting her barriers down and really trusting anyone or letting anyone in except me.
thank you for all your suggestions about how to help support her. i think you are so right that the best i can do is to be there for her in the dark of the night when she's feeling low and try to listen and understand. and to be there for her to cry with.
she has been doing ok lately except for a couple nights ago when something that she saw on tv gave her a bit of a flashback from her childhood. i just let her talk about it and kinda held her close to me and told her how much she means to me and how i'll always be around for her. she actually said to me afterwards that she felt like i was the only good thing she had ever had in her life. it makes me feel like crying to think of all she had to go through and the long painful nights when she had no one to confide in and no one to fight her corner. but at least she has me now. our relationship is actually stronger than ever at the moment to be honest.
thank you for taking the time to read my post and to write such a thoughtful reply.
⚓︎sorry you've had such bad experiences with online listening :( i wouldn't bother with blahtherapy at all if i were you. it seems that too many people both as listeners and venters are really there as trolls/baiters. there are some nice people too but it's too unpredictable.
as for 7cups i generally find it a bit better but the listeners are again a mixed bag to be honest. i think it's better with that one to use the 'browse listeners' function to choose someone for yourself to match with, you can often tell by how much thought they've put into their description whether they are likely to be a helpful and non-judgmental person. again there's trial and error involved though.
and this site is nice but i wish it were more active :)
i wish you the best of luck finding someone who will listen to you better. you're welcome to post what you're going through on this forum and we will listen.
⚓︎i think these definitely sound to me like abusive actions. it sounds like your family life has not been happy for a long time; this kind of guilt-tripping, controlling behaviour, and lack of emotional support is really pretty bad. the one thing i would say is that you seem a really nice person - wishing us all a lovely day despite the fact that you mustn't be feeling all that great yourself - so i think it's great that you are trying so hard not to let it get to you. but regardless it must be very tough.
i think if i were in your position i would be a bit firm and make it very clear to them how i'm feeling. so when your parents try to be controlling and coercive, tell them politely but firmly that you're an adult, you control your life not them, and you are allowed to make your own choices. i expect they will be angry, but it sounds to me like your parents have got into the habit of depending on you for a lot of things (financially etc.) so it will probably turn out that they need you and will back down if you set some clear boundaries. it might not be nice at first but i think you really do need to make a change as they way they are treating you is not acceptable tbh.
if things do carry on like this the worst-case scenario is that if it gets any worse i would consider leaving home. i know you don't feel financially very secure at the moment, but there are ways to get in contact with the government and other organisations about financial help for people escaping from an abusive household. it may not be at that stage yet, but if their behaviour is really affecting you and you can't see any end to it, it might be worth considering.
i hope things get better for you. happy to talk more about it if you like :)
⚓︎i understand your predicament. i feel like it will be best in the long run for you to try and get some help for what you are feeling. depression can easily creep up on people even when they think they have it under control and it sounds to me like you feel a little bit pressured by this whole situation and like you can't confide in anyone, which can only make things worse.
the best i can suggest is that you should talk to someone you are close to and who you are sure won't reveal your depression to others especially in your professional body. if you can hand on heart say that you trust yourself never to act on your suicidal thoughts, i don't think you are doing anyone harm by not disclosing it to them for now and trying to deal with things. but it would be best if you talk to a friend or family member who you trust to help you out. your friends and family will care about what you are going through, even if the depression sometimes tricks you into thinking they don't, and i'm sure they will understand the tricky situation you are in.
failing that there are ways you can get therapy and so on - e.g. online - with it being discreet. good luck and i hope all goes well.