first of all, its 11/4 here.. so "happy birthday!!" :*
its sad that you are burdened with such heavy thoughts and dreams around/on your birthday but hear me out.
you are one of the most complicated creations in the universe. you are the one who can choose to be awesome or otherwise. you are the one who can define what's success is about. yes, society has some standards designed for everyone. yes, you might feel a lil inferior to your siblings. but that doesn't mean youre any less. you would never ever know the desperation of a mother for her child. that shows how precious you are. and imo, that also says youre a born fighter. you fought your way when you had 50% chance and this test ? pfft, if you sit on it with decent amount of fovus and hardwork, its gonna be easy peasy for you.
but thats what it needs, focus and hardwork. take sone time for yourself, try to gather yourself up. even if it feels like the weight of world is upon you, remember you are part of that world too. you can ease the weight on yourself. breathe. exercise. be kind to yourself.
you can always take the test again. youre still 21. you dont need to participate in the rat race. take it easy on yourself. try covering whatever you can in this month. make sure to practice what youve read and give your best in the test. whatever the result would come..would be fine vecause hey! you gave it your all. that is what matters.
i know the demons in our brain wont let you feel positive tut squish those buggers and outshine them!!
we would totally cheer for you! just take care of yourself, darlin.
isolation kinda sucks but its for the better and we will come out of this better for sure!
also, your name sparked a indigo striped zebra prancing around surprising everyone with its wit and that made me smile wide. thanks a lot! :)
please reach out whenever on here. someone or the other is always online and are super awesome to chat with!
take care, indigo!! toodles~
im sorry that you are in a place where it pushed you to take such a decision.
i dunno what has made you feel so harsh on yourself.. but hey, i think you deserve the chance to recover. family never takes you for a burden instead they worry for you, hope to be better for you , help you out and see you in a better position. even when you find no way to get out of this, my suggestion would be to take up the opportunity to rise up. your father wont think any less of you. infact would be a lot happier that he could help you out. if it feels really heavy on your mind, you can always pay them back. not in just money, but also courtesy. use this emotion to make the best of this support. show that to the devil on your shoulder that has been telling you that you were/are a burden.
they wont be any better if you leave, my friend. so,please give it a thought and take a wise decision.
sending good vibes your way. hope you find strength in you soon.
it sucks that youve experienced this. but i dont think anybody in the world is useless. they have their own part to play.
"you are the only one who can be you... so be the best you" you arent useless. especially not to your parents. youve given them valuable memories, laughter and happy moments too. you dont know it but youve given them a purpose in life to work for.. to care for and to live for.
all the things mustve been in the heat of the moment. try taking to them in a much calmer setting and work it out.
youve said you have pent up stuff. we are here to listen and help you out. or atleast share our own experiences and support you.
if you wish for a change , be the change..they say. even the simplest of changes make an impact when you feel low. try having a routine, friend. one step after the other. it does help.