⚓︎hey, id like to make a suggestion that it'd be better if it also had dates. so that people who may have different schedules can fill in accordingly.
also, a note to everyone reading this.. that its not just one person at one time. its just that the person will be here to avoid talkers missing out on help! :)
others can join in whenever!
⚓︎hey that'd be a great idea! there used to be a lot of listeners all the time too. maybe its time we try keeping this up! this lovely site and the wonderful people in here would be up for that, im sure :)
other make good points and i see yours too. one is inclined to feel lonely and wanting to have someone in their corner, support them when things go blue. more so, as we seem to see that all around us and feel why we dont have it.
but friend, we are the only constant companion to ourself than any other relation can be. even if one is surrounded by many, one has to pick themselves up in the dire times. and be as encouraging to ourselves as though we would with a loved one.
having said that, asking for help and getting help are the ways to get out from that notion. though we might know you, we all are here for you and so would be a good therapist when you reach out.
i dunno what else to say, but wish you feel better by now.
sending you warm bear hugs and much strength.
⚓︎hey there anon,
im sorry that you feel so. i can see where you're coming from and to admit, ive been through similar stuff recently. the spark of motivation has been so short-lived, im constantly chasing those little doses of serotonin on various social media / food.
for me, having an accountability partner does help me into doing some chores around the house or be it working out. in my opinion, the pandemic and the following lifestyle changes we have to abide, has driven many of us to this. and one of the qays to catch up to it is to have some interaction with family/ friends to have that bit of routine in our day.
you can try meeting new people / new motivated groups online who can help you out. my only suggestion would be to be mindful of the group per se, in terms of productivity and the online safety.
if you arent into this whole thing, you can go for giving yourself written to-do lists, unsubscribing to the content which doesnt help but put you into long cycles of continuous videos, getting some offline/ online games to play. all these only work when you want yourself to get better though. you owe yourself that.
@not having built anything good of my life.. you can do it now. its within your reach. you dont need to move mountains and stuff, friend. you can start small. just making your bed, tidying yourself up, cooking some good food are the start. you are making goodness in your innermost circle and then you can move to a bigger one!
i would suggest talking to an online therapist too. getting help lets you move on for better.
would you take care of yourself today and get all dapper for us? :)
sending bear hugs and good vibes~
that sounds like you've been taking up the whole thing on yourself and pulled under the stress of it. from what i noticed, you feel as though you seem to be deliberately liking some controversial content and you are unable to accept it. if that's the case, i'd say you being able to distinguish it as something immoral and you want to move on, is the first step to do so. like you said, they might not say that to your face and that reaction might've been a collective outburst from what they went through. so, when you dont mean it and when someone misunderstands your situation, giving a genuine apology and distancing yourself from them sounds like what any person would do.
all this talk, im not trying to be a critic of the situation but trying to express how i would feel if i were in your shoes. games are made to be addictive. and you can always overcome it. you have to find out some other productive or immersive game which plays well in your limits.
the way youve expressed already shows that you've been reevaluating. you're on a better path already! no matter how much we end up criticising our actions, especially which sometimes may cause hurt , intentionally or unintentionally, do not forget to be kind and understanding with yourself in that process.
hope you are doing better now,
⚓︎dear anon, thank you for your work and remember that you're only human.
when you're in a career thats focusing on taking care of others, imagine like you're carrying other's weight along with yours. so you need some extra lovin and extra care!
i really hope you find that and till then, sending bear hugs ^^
im sorry to know that it has been so stressful for you since so long. from what i've understood, you must've been pushing at it, fighting it back as long as you can only to lose your grip sometimes. when it has been this tough , please try to get some therapy. it would seem that you might have some unanswered feelings or emotions that have been repeating in a cycle manifesting into your actions. just be patient and be consistent until you find a good support. usually friends, family would take that role. it doesnt mean that ones who do are all right. people with hundreds of friends might feel it too. that's when you should reach out for help.
and age is a number and it has been proved many times. you just gotta find what strokes your motivation and push towards it everyday, no matter how small a step.
you are worried about relationships and unfortunately had some unpleasant experiences. not to undermine your calibre or personality, but you gotta learn how to be at peace with yourself first. shower all the love, kindness in your heart onto yourself. im sure you were the cause of some hapoy moments in others life. even if it was fleeting, it matters. ive been through depressive states myself and i know how numb and blue everything feels. the way i got myself out of it was to be lovingly strict with myself and have a routine that is not negative. as in, even making the bed is a good sign. a whole day of watching something that makes you laugh isnt wasting time. you werent stressing out and giving some good ol' endorphins to your mind. i count that as a win. slowly you progress onto stuff that's more productive. add little chores everyday. have an accountability partner/ community (you can find them everywhere online) no talk of being old, old is wise and experienced. since ten years you know what wouldnt work for you, so you're gonna find out what will. no one knows how the future's gonna be, so.. get it going, champ. the only way is forward. you can do this. i believe in you!
sending warm bear hugs with a dash of squueeeze!
you logic seems right and the remnant of frustrations from the mistreatment are valid, in my opinion. and i wouldn't say that one can brush off and patch up. forgiveness would need a long run depending on the situation and the emotions of the people involved and the sincerity put in. i would advice to chat online first and let him know what you said here. that you appreciate him reaching out and wanting to mend things. so do you and you would also prefer to settle it as calmly as possible.
try choosing a pleasant place or a calm public space where you can feel safe and find your voice to express your concerns, if you were to meet outside. also, having a mental checklist on things you want to make clear or decide about, before you both converse would help in making your response and demeanor more in control and would look firm.
much strength to you and bear hugs~
⚓︎hey there anon,
please take a deep breath on the chin and continue until you feel your heart's no more racing. your text was a bit vague for me , so my response might sound a bit vague as well.
it seems like even though you are caught in a flurry of emotions, you wrote things down in a bid to clear your mind. you are the better judge of how to proceed. but only when your mind is clear , you'd be at your best to take a decision. read the letter again, take a few deep breaths to calm down and think about consequences in a short manner. as in, dont dive into overanalysing the situation. dont let the anxiety cloud your judgement. i know its easier said than done, but take your time and try to not have regrets when you take a decision. hope things go well your way.
⚓︎hey slightly symmetrical monkey,
good to hear back from you and good to know that you're feeling better than before.
if in case my words sound a bit harsh, please take it as strong bear love and nothing else (maybe a tad bit of ignorance?). just know that my well wishes and hugs are genuine <3
i think you made decent progress to know and weigh how you feel about the process. many find themselves confused or frustrated about it. from what i gathered, you are doing for the sake of doing it or to have a routine? if you are, i implore you to try procastinating it. when ever you feel the urge, delay it. wait for a while, then some more. distract yourself with hobbies that you like. listening to music, watching/ playing videogames or talking to someone. i know you must've tried everything by now but my friend, even though i dunno you, i care about you and would encourage you to try getting out of this habit again. seeking higher amount of pain (the stabs) doesnt look like a healthy move on your part. you owe yourself, your mind and body, of best things in life. i may not know or understand, the emotional distress or numbness you're going through and im sorry that it is so.. but hun, please respect and be kind to yourself. one of the helpful techniques i've heard is drawing on paper or writing or coloring. you want to feel something? then try other ways to seek that feeling. endorphin high is addictive and one would need discipline to push through. i believe that you can do it, monke! heck, i can check in on you here every other day just for accountability. are you up for the challenge?
(if that was a bit too brazen, you can always try the accountability apps online ^^' )
sending a blizzard of good vibes and bear hugs ᕦʕ·ᴥ·ʔᕤ
i understand the frustration you're going through. im in medical field and the burnout is real, not to mention how some people still believe in redundant issues and completely ignore the important matters around them. i've felt the same some time ago. am i leaving any positive impact on the world? am i doing this right? there would always be someone else than can replace me.. stop , drop the pace for a few seconds and think, my friend. you have said that "im in a medical profession helping people" dont look at the quantity, notice the quality. you must've helped people as much as you could. i bet the people who received help from you dont think the same you're thinking rn. their desperation or discomfort was relieved by you. that matters. you mattered and always matter and will matter for them. that definitely made a change in their life. and so would have been in your case. tell me, you never felt the happiness and the satisfaction from your work? it doesnt need to be everyday..it should! but in case it didnt, im sure you must've had your own experiences that made you choose this. sorry if i over read into this aspect.
im sorry that you dont have someone to share your thoughts with. i really hope you find a friend or a compatible companion soon. maybe try some decent site that cater to your interests/hobbies?
also, i would definitely advise a chat with a therapist. they will definitely help you find your peace.
sometimes the going gets tough, but we gotta stand our ground and push back. if you feel you cant, nothing wrong to get some help. dont let the world turn you bitter, friend. hope you find that drive and feel better soon.
super golden potato made good points as well.
i would remind you to take care of your health and be kind to yourself. like you would with your child-self. be as patient and encouraging. treat yourself with a cake on me, will ya? sending good vibes and bear hugs~
i feel ya, my friend,on how hard it has been to keep up the drive when you have nothing much to look forward to i.e., the little tidbits of the day. how the days seem similar and a week would feel like one long day with not much productivity. im sure many would relate to what your going through. i dont mean to belittle what you feel but just trying to say that you are not alone. i think now people are being forced to have some space in their mind about the rules to be followed and struggle with the change that has been so sudden and unexpectedly this long. maybe that's the reason why you dont feel the genuine connection. it could also be from missing the in-person interaction (i miss it too)
it feels a bit demotivating to be at that point where you feel that you are stuck and making no progress towards your end goals. but all we can do is go to the basics, my friend. lay one brick at a time to create the magnificent masterpiece of a future. im pretty sure you have the potential and had dreamed about it with your heart full of hope. make a to-do list every night. write down every little chore. or you could just prioritise what you want to do. but break it down to as much as you can in a day. check the boxes when you're done.i know it sounds like how we are dealt with as kids. it really helps. maybe we need that kindness and love thyself.as such the circumstances forced us to thrive alone, we gotta cheer for ourselves.
when we put some effort to make ourselves feel better, our heart and mind would listen. slowly but surely. dress up/write a story/dance/write letters..do what you wanted to do as a kid. give a day off for yourself from the to-do lists. i realised that creating a routine will keep our body and mind on track to betterment.
and by the way, sleeping is good. i know the way we sleep when we are down doesn't feel that great but when you think about it, it will benefit us in its own way. try inculcating exercises/yoga or guided meditations too. you got time, my friend. and i believe that everything will fall into place soon.
on a tangent, i believe that things are definitely going to be better as the vaccinations are going on, healthcare around the world doing their best. :)
sending warm hugs and good vibes~
hope you're doing well. been there, mate. its indeed a bit risky on how to approach this situation. on one hand we love them so much that we want to be there for them and care for them. but on the other hand, there's a tiny bit of dilemma whenther they see us romantically or not. she could be venting to you because you've been her rock and a good ear since so long. not only that but she trusts you. you know what, you should tell the same thing you've posted here. just make sure, you find the right time. confessing when she's venting is a no go. try letting her know your feeling when you are with calmer and clearer minds. so that she can think bout and let you know what she feels. that way, in case she doesn't reciprocate, she'd be able to think and speak about it without other stressful factors weighing on jer decision. let her know what you said here. that you dont wanna ruin the friendship. im sure she would understand. in case she didnt, give her time to process.
hope that helped! let us know how it goes!
⚓︎ohh!! belated happy birthday!! anon!
i hope you find better and best things this year that motivate you and inspire you!
enjoy life as it comes to you, friend! be grateful of what you have and what will be coming your way.
maybe try writing down the best things happened to you so far and maintain a journal from now on? so that you'll look back and smile at the small scenes that made your memories :)
im so sorry that youve been dealing this since years and something has bothered you more than ever.
first of all, please do not feel ashamed about this. you've been fighting a war since years , its possible, the warrior that's you, might feel weaker. since it's sounds very serious, please reach out to therapists, even if its online. they will be of great help. no need to feel bad about needing help. in my opinion, you have been so strong this whole time and might need help to get better. maybe better than before.
feel free to chat here as well..
hope you feel much much better soon. have a treat on me, will ya?
bear hugs and good vibes to you~
⚓︎i've wondered the same, daffodil. such a great space but been a lil slow since months. nevertheless, even if its late, few listeners are always here.
thank you and wish you happy holidays too.
stay safe and take care :)
⚓︎its good to hear back from you, anon.
it has been indeed a tough year. im glad and proud of you that despite how's everything been, you're trying to push forward. and im sure you'll get to the better side.
also, its okay to reach out for help when needed. try to meet a therapist. it might be helpful to learn and you can effectively tackle this.
much love. take care.
im so sorry you've experienced that. i cant even imagine the turmoil going on within you. all i can offer are some warm virtual hugs.
im glad your boss was supportive and gave you some time to gather yourself up.
i dont know what to say but one thing is for sure, you'll always have the upper hand over that experience. and what you're feeling is understandable, as even if the person is no more ,the agitation that experience has left behind is still there. and from few of mine own, im afraid they might not leave. the only thing is, they will definitely hurt a bit less with time. and there'll be you standing strong. i assure you, my friend. we're all here and we hear you. sounds a bit omnious but the tone is quite friendly! ^^' (sorry for the lame joke)
much strength, love and good vibes to you.
i hope you've been doing well.
i think i kinda understand what youve been feeling. this is what i felt before... feeling alone like a lonely dot on a paper. and feeling the guilt of feeling alone despite having family and friends who mean well. its not that i wasnt reaching out. it was more like how i couldnt explicitly ask what i need or what would help me because i , myself didnt know that either. they tried their best to what they know and ive had the fortune of meeting and being friends with lovely people. but i felt that void. that need of emptiness and the desparation to fill it with something that fits. thats an exhaustive list of sites and that seems to show how desparate you wanna reach that place where you dont feel like it anymore (im sorry if i misread that)
i dunno how much of a help can my words be here and i might go off on a tangent. ^^' imma try articulate them for you.
what worked for me was to stop for a second and look at how my energy was ramified out over few groups. i wondered what was i searching for and how would i know when i did it. even after meeting few good friends, why was my mind racing at the fact that id join one more group. i felt they'd match with my thoughts/ideas or itd be a good place to know myself and how far i can go?
after some thinking (took me a few days) i realised that there's never gonna be an end of meeting and finding awesome groups... and i gotta slow down and dont let my energy get dissipated among them. not just that, but taking time off kinda helped me realise how i am with myself when there's no outlet. then i learned to manage how i spend my time and energy, on my self,immediate circle and the social circle.
ofc, things have changed a bit in view of the current pandemic but all it gives us is another opportunity to learn and discover what we need and are looking for.
also, this might be slightly triggering or people might find it an odd way of thinking.. but i learned to reason myself this way. if you were to not talk to the person/friend you now, till forever.. what would you do? youd cherish each thing and would be more "in the moment" , right? thats how i did it/doing it.
i might go on and on on this topic and im sorry for such a long wall of text! haha..
hope you find that feeling of being content soon, friend.
take care! and have a slice of cake on my behalf!
⚓︎well said and right back at you, sandy firm butterfly!
im glad to have found this cozy safe space and happy to see that its still thriving despite the low flow. and the listeners here have been amazing! shout out to all the kind souls and the hurt ones who come here for some solace. no matter the situation, i hope the good things come to you all.
much love and festive cheer!
⚓︎such great responses and they all ring true.
anon, i can understand how being out of the norm makes you feel like an outsider. but in my personal opinion, what you feel like doing with your body, or with your significant other is a complete personal choice. society could be saying anything, but what you do in your bedroom is your own thing. not even your parents can decide it. its you, living your life. like the others said, its liberating and soothing to know that part of you to yourself. letting someone else know about it, is your choice and for the comfort you're anticipating from them. but never forget that you're always there for yourself :)
in case you needed some support, im sure there are many healthy communities which would support you and make you feel at home. you might find someone who's similar to you in tastes. im sure you'd find your home!
much love and warm hugs, friend!
⚓︎hey there, trendy vibrant lemur.
im sorry that you found yourself in such a position. but you know the famous quote "you can never be late". you're young , most probably healthy. even though finding work in covid has been an issue, you can always search for jobs looking for people. like the anon said, healthcare atm needs energetic employees or if you think you cant fit into that job, you can always go for generic job openings, like malls, gas stations or takeaways, orders. every lil step you take for making a living, makes your personality and builds your character. there's a kick in earning for yourself and be self-dependant. as you might've already known how things were easy when you had savings, you can always bounce back , by working again.
gambling like any habit takes a bit of time to get out. all you gotta do is give your brain few constant goals. it could be cooking a new recipe or working out between job applications and such. once you know you want to get out of something, you gotta work for it. and its great that you realised this habit isnt doing you any good. that's step one! staying away or keeping your brain and body distracted with productive work is step two! its gonna be tough and quite frustrating to constantly leash your brain, but from there, it gets better. also, try to cut off the resources of the things that remind you of gambling, that should help.
sorry, if its too long and preachy. i believe in you, trendy lemur. get vibrant!!
tc and stay safe, hugs and good luck!
hope you are doing a bit better.
first of all, thank you for the work you do. to be in such a profession, it shows your kind and compassionate side. no, its not silly that you're battling your own issues while having to deal with others. i think it shows how strong you've been so far even though yiu don't feel like it. think of it this way, what would you tell a person who was in your position. wouldnt you encourage them and help them out? wouldnt you praise them for holding strong in the face of difficulties? i think most people are hypercritical of themselves. be as kind (to yourself) as you would be to a loved one.
imo, its common for the healthcare people feel that burnout. maybe that is stressing on your anxiety issues. and you're already on the path of betterment as you recognised it and looking for ways to get out of it. that's awesome!
my advice would be to do something for yourself everyday. it can be as simple as listening to your favorite song or a podcast or your favorite cupcake. it can be anything but something that makes you smile. those tiny moments of peace add up and would help you prepare for another day of work. atleast that was what i used to do. hope this helps, anon.
take care and stay safe.
im sorry to hear that you're experiencing that fear. im gonna give you some tough love, okay?
you dont need to spend time and energy on some person who doesn't care for you. they might've been a friend to you before but if they really aren't caring about you, its okay.. you're gonna respectfully step back from it. this would be the time where you take care of yourself, maybe get some support from family or friends. sometimes people drift apart with time, its just how life happens. i'd say, its gonna be alright and you'll find yourself with friends again, the one's that care for you as much as you do.
hey, world's a big place and there are friends behind stranger's faces! you gotta be careful but you can find them easily if you know the right places!
hope you feel better and strong, take care!
⚓︎hey festive brown moose,
im sorry that you're troubled by that. i'll try my best to give few suggestions but in the end, its gonna take a bit of time to get over a break up. its proportional to how much you're invested into it.
take care of yourself. first and foremost. eat food on time, get good sleep. maybe try some self care routines. physical affection from pets/plushies/pillows help too.
take a walk. this is not in a condescending manner but a surprisingly good idea coz it helps in clearing out your mind and give you a wee surge of refreshment. (i know its covid and moving around is kinda restricted but you can try to catch some air)
try catching up with old friends/family. no, they wont think that you're out of the blue or something coz people have been getting in touch randomly in the name of covid. a good thing, i'd say.
being alone is not so difficult but feeling lonely is. so make sure you get that quota of attention/love/affection everyday. i know, its easier said than done.. but i think there are people everywhere who need just a friendly/open chat or just a few friendly words a day. try helping out somebody, like offering food/money/help. there's a kick of energy when you receive their smiles and happiness just coz of your act of kindness.
i'll add on of i find any others.. but im sure you would know most of this. its just that sometimes our heart is stubborn and wants some moment to grieve. having a cry is helpful for some people.. you might feel lighter. on an ending note, moose, we're all here for you, friend. i hope you feel better by each day. all the pain and grit you're feeling now would be a distant memory.
stay safe and take care. hugs.
⚓︎hiya tranquil rainbow daffodil!
noble work, rightly done imo! you must've been kind and helpful! living up to your name perhaps :p
it has been quiet indeed. infact i came back here after a long time and was surprised to see the low tide. it was and still is a safe space with amazing listeners.
im doing alright. jobless since march but the savings are backing me and the family up. exams for a better position are looming and im hoping to get where i want to be. things have been slightly rough but we're gonna keep rowing! thanks for asking, daffodil.
how are things with you?
stay safe and happy!
that sounds lovely :') @you're being there for her in need. im happy for you both! id say you both are lucky to have each other. people like you give me hope for the future, so..thank you! :)
have a great day and stay safe, friend!
gaaahh, i have the crave and love for food and i cannot follow through diets where i have to cut off from the goodness. but ive found the secret!! the secret is to trick your body and manipulate your diet to include all the stuff but in healthier quantities.
for eg. whenever i eat noodles, i make sure that i add loads of veggies and protein to it and replace a part of the noodle quantity with them. egg is my favorite. :p
same goes for any meal. if you want to have some cheer-me-up food, you gotta have the strict healthier foods too! up the healthy percentages as you go. right now, my health food to gooey mouthwatering food is 70-30% which is way better than what i used to have. whenever you want to snack on something instant, try balancing the snack ratios too. the same way i suggested about meals. easy food : raw veggies.
also, have a group of friends who are motivated to workout with you. not just to loose the flab, but for a fresh routine. or you can post about it active fitness-related groups. (folks there are usually supportive!) maintaining a workout schedule, just twenty min of a day would help your brain to produce happy hormones and fight off the depression. it feels much better if youre able to do it in an area where sunlight's good. then you dont need to worry much about your appetite as well :)
hope this helps.
btw "a hug for my emotions" hits home hard, i had to clutch my heart in a dramatic pose. its awesome that you recognised what has been holding you back and trying to come out of it!! kudos!!
take care, friend!
your girlfriend as you said, is one tough lady. being through all of that and coming back brightly is no easy feat. she's an inspiration, really.
i've had a rough early life and gonna give you advice based on how id like to be treated. take it with a pinch of salt as everyone's different.
you're an amazing boyfriend trying to be an active support for her. my advice would be.. stay with her. in the dark of the night, when she's vulnerable and needs support, just stay with her, physical support helps a lot. cuddle her, try to distract her gently by food (this is me, sorry ^^') or a movie/cartoon or something. if she's crying ,let her cry and ask her if she qants to talk about it and go with her reply. tough cookies are usually guarded and proud (the good pride) they usually dont want to be a bother..
you know she trusts you and would come to you. id suggest you letting her know that (usually in a calmer setting, not while she's disturbed so that she can really process your emotions behind your words) you'll be there for her, whenever and however she needs. she'dvery much appreciate it, i think.
as for you, my friend. do not feel guilty about sharing your good memories of childhood and experiences. its not your fault. she might be happy for what youve had and you know she didnt have a happy life before, so make it happier now.
live life like you love. :)
im sorry if i read to much into the situation and went off tangent. ^^'
stay strong and happy for yourself and for her, my friend.
first of all, its 11/4 here.. so "happy birthday!!" :*
its sad that you are burdened with such heavy thoughts and dreams around/on your birthday but hear me out.
you are one of the most complicated creations in the universe. you are the one who can choose to be awesome or otherwise. you are the one who can define what's success is about. yes, society has some standards designed for everyone. yes, you might feel a lil inferior to your siblings. but that doesn't mean youre any less. you would never ever know the desperation of a mother for her child. that shows how precious you are. and imo, that also says youre a born fighter. you fought your way when you had 50% chance and this test ? pfft, if you sit on it with decent amount of fovus and hardwork, its gonna be easy peasy for you.
but thats what it needs, focus and hardwork. take sone time for yourself, try to gather yourself up. even if it feels like the weight of world is upon you, remember you are part of that world too. you can ease the weight on yourself. breathe. exercise. be kind to yourself.
you can always take the test again. youre still 21. you dont need to participate in the rat race. take it easy on yourself. try covering whatever you can in this month. make sure to practice what youve read and give your best in the test. whatever the result would come..would be fine vecause hey! you gave it your all. that is what matters.
i know the demons in our brain wont let you feel positive tut squish those buggers and outshine them!!
we would totally cheer for you! just take care of yourself, darlin.
isolation kinda sucks but its for the better and we will come out of this better for sure!
also, your name sparked a indigo striped zebra prancing around surprising everyone with its wit and that made me smile wide. thanks a lot! :)
please reach out whenever on here. someone or the other is always online and are super awesome to chat with!
take care, indigo!! toodles~
im sorry that you are in a place where it pushed you to take such a decision.
i dunno what has made you feel so harsh on yourself.. but hey, i think you deserve the chance to recover. family never takes you for a burden instead they worry for you, hope to be better for you , help you out and see you in a better position. even when you find no way to get out of this, my suggestion would be to take up the opportunity to rise up. your father wont think any less of you. infact would be a lot happier that he could help you out. if it feels really heavy on your mind, you can always pay them back. not in just money, but also courtesy. use this emotion to make the best of this support. show that to the devil on your shoulder that has been telling you that you were/are a burden.
they wont be any better if you leave, my friend. so,please give it a thought and take a wise decision.
sending good vibes your way. hope you find strength in you soon.
it sucks that youve experienced this. but i dont think anybody in the world is useless. they have their own part to play.
"you are the only one who can be you... so be the best you" you arent useless. especially not to your parents. youve given them valuable memories, laughter and happy moments too. you dont know it but youve given them a purpose in life to work for.. to care for and to live for.
all the things mustve been in the heat of the moment. try taking to them in a much calmer setting and work it out.
youve said you have pent up stuff. we are here to listen and help you out. or atleast share our own experiences and support you.
if you wish for a change , be the change..they say. even the simplest of changes make an impact when you feel low. try having a routine, friend. one step after the other. it does help.