⚓︎this is a hard time for you so please be patient with yourself and don't allow anyone to blame you. you are entitled to feel whatever you feel. i am wondering if you might feel comfortable having a "big brother" or "big sister". look it up online and see if that's available in your area. i think your mother might have to give permission for you to have that. just know that you are going to be okay. your mom is probably not fully understanding what you're going through. have you talked to her about how you feel? try to be open to new possibilities too. no one will ever take the place of your father but your mother's friend might be someone you might enjoy spending a little time with. you don't have to love him or even like him, but you could just try to be a little open to the possibility that he might be a friend to you. in the mean time know that you are not alone and that things will get better in time. please be patient. look online under louise hay and try to listen to some of the affirmations she has or look up eft tapping... someone who calls himself tap with brad on youtube… he shows you how you can feel better about yourself and situations by using tapping on certain parts of my head and arms, etc and saying things that bother you...it helps release emotions and change your feelings to more positive ones. you can look up tap with brad and whatever subject you want like for example tap with brad isolation or depression or lonliness on youtube
. just know that things will get better but you will have to help yourself some for things to change.
⚓︎i'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. it sounds like you would benefit from someone to confide in like a school counselor or regular counseling. it's so hard when you don't feel heard, so i suggest you find an in person support group where you can feel safe, understood and heard. look up nami online and find a group on there that's local to you or you can look up groups on meetup.com. nami would be my first choice for you though as they have groups that are specific for depression and other similar issues.