⚓︎i eat a pretty balanced diet every day though. lots of water and stuff.
it could be a chemical imbalance, but i've also had insomnia since i was little and the doctor said that was normal since my internal clock is set to the opposite side of the world where i used to live.
i was able to get 11 hours of sleep today. probaby because its a monday where i have no school so my body didnt care or something.
once again i will talk to my doctor about this when i have my next appointment, but im still trying to figure out how to talk to him without my sister getting her appointment with me at the same time.
⚓︎once again, thanks for the help.
at the time i posted my last reply, afterwards i had a fight with my parents about this and there was a lot of bickering. nothing really changed though except my parents getting angry at me. they didn't understand why i didn't want to take extra classes and why i hated them restricting me, and they used the same "do you love me?" trick again like they always do in every fight.
it was a waste of my time trying to make them understand when they always say they do it out of love but nothing changes.
⚓︎most likely, but theres also a high chance they do this because they want to keep up the family looks. i get forced to go to parties a lot and introduced to all these people i don't know and they drag me around to brag to other parents, then when we get home i get yelled at for not smiling enough or for avoiding other people. or when i'm at home and i'm doing homework in my room they yell at me for staying in my room but when i go downstairs my dad tells me to "disappear."
honestly theres a lot of things that could be the reason why but i guess the main reason would be that
i tried my best to live up their expectations after that event, but they still don't trust me. i probably wouldn't trust myself either and instead avoid me if i was in ther shoes, but them hating me just feels the worst.
⚓︎are you sure doctors don't expose this information? i thought doctors were supposed to tell parents what their children tells them about their problems.
also, i wont give away the exact place where im living, but i can tell you i live in america around the north east. i don't know whether mental abuse is illegal here but if it is and i tell my doctor, i dont want my parents to go to jail for that, just maybe some help with family situations because i'm 100% sure i'm never going to have my parents approval for as long as i live.
i'm not saying this as a self depression doubt thing, i'm saying this logically since i did something a few years ago that i shouldnt have done, and my parents always remind me of that day. that's actually the day i got depression too. well thats why they dont trust me anymore and why i'll never have their undoubted approval.
i hope i get better when i talk to my doctor, but i still don't think i'll be able to deal with my family matters without screaming and crying every now and then, but this really helped me like before.
i'd like to keep this mindset and not do anything rash, and so far i got a new best friend. though i havent told them much about my personal life, we connect together well since we have lots in common. i hope there are legal actions for helping me without telling my parents anything and keeping it a secret, but that probably wont happen since my depression started with them.
if my doctor does keep my information a secret, what would they do? i have no idea how they help, but i dont want to take anything likes pills or medicine for my depression.
⚓︎my mood changes what i want and like to eat at the time i'm searching for food, so if i'm happy i'll eat a normal portion of food and if i'm sad i'll eat less food.
my friend who i opened up to just talks to be about how they deal with depression, and that's mostly video games orhanging out with others. i also play them, but i'm more of a solo player and like to be alone to recharge.
overall, i'm okay on suicidal thoughts but physically i caught a cold yesterday and had to do a mile run in gym class last period of school today so i'm just tired and wanted to talk. it seems like you're someone who frequents this site and talks to others, so i might pop in once and a while.
⚓︎i dont really have real life friends so i shouldnt be saying this, but here's some advice.
try talking to multiple groups online on discord or twitch about your favorite topics. it will help you slowly get more comfortable talking to others.
you don't have to rush and make friends. real friends will stick with you no matter what. even if you're far away. that's why they're so hard to find, but when you do find one, they'll be with you for life and might even help you make new friends.
like i said, i shouldn't be saying this because i'm in the same situation as you, but talking to people online who feel the same way as you about a topic you like has helped me make online friends who know me better than my family.
hope this helps you.
⚓︎thanks for the reply. i'm already planning on bringing this up to my doctor eventually and this comment made my day. i might try the student affairs office and tell them about this too.
and i listen to mostly songs that have a catchy beat or chorus and usually without swears. if it makes you feel better, 3 of my favorite artists are "ali gate," "alec benjamin" and "ed sheeran."