⚓︎outbursts of anger are usually never spontaneous - they get built up, over time, resulting in resentful feelings. so it sounds like she's been making these comments for a while now.
to add on to delightful polished sheep's comment, i think you should either talk to her or talk to your father about this. it won't do anyone's mental health or relationship any good if these comments continue.
⚓︎it's hard to say without a live conversation, but i think you're scared to change because you're scared *of* change. what you have now is familiar and thus comfortable, at least to some degree.
would it maybe help to talk to other people? there's a site called wusoup, which you can use to chat with random people.
being depressed isn't being rubbish. it's the result of being over-stressed for an extended period of time, or a defense mechanism to ease painful feelings.
just because you have a history of depression, anxiety, and avoidance, doesn't mean that that is your fate.
question: what do you think it would take to start helping yourself? whenever you hear that voice telling you to escape to your room, to comfort, ask it: when will you start to change?
i'll be silently cheering for you!
i hope this helps, let me know if you want to talk :)
⚓︎for me, it's sometimes frustrating, but mostly bearable. what helps in my case is envisioning a wise woman called "logic", distinct from me and my emotions, whose goal is to comfort me and provide guidance.