⚓︎i feel this way alot and i try to remember that a grater power woke me up this morning and designed the moon a nd stars and clouds and trees that i think are so beautiful and never judged and that i am designed in the same way making a journey only i can contribute.
what if you had a 100 dollar bill and crumbled it up and got it dirty and tore the corner. would you look at it and say that its useless and throw it away or would the value of it be the same in any form. my dad committed suicide and it will always hurt. i miss him everyday. don’t make a long term choice to accept peoples mean harsh judgement. make your own value decision and move on with finding your joy in the universe you were created for.
⚓︎i feel exactly like that. these are what helps me...
creaating a safe place alone
my anxiety meds ..cymbalta is mine
getting on this site and helping someone
making a list of what im not going to do.. yes not do
pray or sing
hope this gives you tools.
you always have control over your reactions. and noone can take that away.
⚓︎i would see a gynecologist and get my hormones checked. i had to put my daughter on birth control in eigth grade because she was just so emotional she was getting depressed. it all turned completely around with the meds. ou chemistry is in so much more control than we think.
crying releases cortisol that is built up from stress so our body also uses it for that purpose. if that doesn’t work get cbt therapy. it will fix. i promise.
⚓︎the chemicals in your brain are changing because you are cognitively aware your actions are wrong. yet in the moment you find joy in the violence which means you are chemically different during an episode. go to the emergency room and explain you have these violent fantasies. i dont think this will go away until you get a good medication regimen. it sounds like the onset of schizophrenia which occurs most often in young adults. please get help and dont give up until you get that help because if the tendencies get stronger you may not be able to hold it back. no matter how strong a wall is it will fall if the pressure increases. you need meds to strengthen the wall. exercise, a punching bag, pillow, couch or anything is better than the living breathing animals. so find another way. you can do it and they deserve it.